Show me a household that does not stress about money and I will show you a beautiful bridge that just went on the market... or maybe you'd be interested in some waterfront property in Florida...
My point is that everyone worries about money. Everyone spends too much money. No one "stays within their means". The more money you make, the more money you spend. And be wary of people who say they don't - they're the worst ones. Remember this commercial? I t cracks me up because it is so f---ing true, it's silly.
I was recently discussing with Gina, my wedding. I loved my wedding. I loved every last detail. And I can tell you what each detail cost, too. Wanna know why? Because somehow, some way, Jay and I pulled that off. Dollar by dollar.
Wanna know how?
Well, I can't help you with that. I have no f---ing idea how we pulled it off.
It's the American Dream, right? You want it - you get it.
Money can't buy happiness?
I disagree. Money buys you stuff that makes you happy.
Money also allows you the freedom to enjoy the things that actually make you happy. For example - if we don't have money, I need to get a job, if I have to get a job I don't get to spend my time watching my kids grow. What makes me happy here is that I am home with my kids, what allows that happiness is the money.
Some mothers like to work, I get that. Some women need the satisfaction of a paycheck and a career. Some women just get really bored at home, no matter how much they love their kids, the monotony is torturous.
This is not a debate as to which side is right or a better mother for it - I have been down that road too many times to try to solve that question. That is a non-question, there is no answer.
My point is - for every mom that stays home, you'll find 10 that wish they could.
"Wish" they could because they "can't".
"Can't" is completely subjective and another conversation that can never end well. No one, no matter how smart you think you are, no one can decide for someone else what the right choice is.
I used to work with a guy who's wife stayed home with their 3 kids. I am certain he made less than $100k per year.
Is that enough money for a household of 5 in a nice home in a decent town? He was so opinionated and was so sexist that he used to spout off about how "if we can do it, anyone can do it".
No, not necessarily. Different families have different standards and different expectations.
So, I understand that money does not buy happiness.
Directly.
But it certainly facilitates it.
Why Did I Ever Stop Writing On This Blog?
2 years ago
13 comments:
I knew what commercial that was going to be before I even clicked into it...one of my all-time faves!
I agree, to an extent - I think money can facilitate things that make you happy. But I also think you can be happy without it. Sure, you can't do all the fun things that cost too much, but just like anything else, you find a way to make it work. You find happiness in other ways. I have a friend who was a single mom, with little more than a pot to piss in. She had no choice but to work full time, and she made a happy life for herself and her son, regardless of the things she had or didn't have around her. He's turned into a wonderful young man, about to graduate from college, and they have an amazing relationship, full of memories of all the crazy ways they found to make each other happy.
Everyone makes their own choices, and for their own reasons.
Can you imagine what it would be like to not have to worry about money? Must be nice.
Guess I had a lot to say about that!!
WOW. I'm not sure how to take this post. You’re like all over the place. It almost sounds like you had an argument and your just saying that...."no one can decide for someone else what the right choice is"...If that your point, I can agree with you. I can also go into a lot more back and forth with you because I enjoy your intellectual thoughts.....but I just don't fee like typing.
Very interesting post Liz. I like hearing your take on things. For most of us who don't have money coming out of our ass - I think happiness is based on sacrifice, a little faith and confidence. Personally, our family may never be in a position to NOT EVER worry about money - after all, we have extemely high expectations of our future and our childrens future. But we are constantly in some way or another, making sacrifices to facilitate those instances of happiness, whatever tangible way it comes to us. Having said that, we too, are confident in knowing that if the money was suddenly gone, we'd come out just fine on the other side of it all. Broke, but fine. Just like you know you would too.
Excellent responses - thank you.
And thank you for knowing that my point was not to say that we don't worry about money, of course we do. My point was that we all sacrifice, we all over-reach and we all stress. that's life.
And if you handed me $1M right now, within a year or so, I would likely be right back to where I am right now. Worried about my next move.
And I didn't even get into the guilt or fear about not working or wondering if I should go back to work.
I have always said "I would if we needed me to" and this post is about where the "need" is - when does the "need for money" override the "need for being hom to raise our family".
It's very touchy.
Amen sister. Nice added touch.
Money is a necessity; how MUCH money one family needs is a whole other story.
We're a family of 6. We live in a modest home, drive 1 car; albeit a nice 2006 Honda Pilot; live in a great area with thriving schools. We have plenty of food on our table, can pay every single bill and have a decent chunk left over. We save. Our kids are well dressed and have oodles of toys, books, you name it. We have nice things in our home including a 42" Plasma, laptop, home PC, etc...all paid for. We can go out to eat, make a "fun" trip to Target at least twice a month, hit Starbucks, yadda yadda yadda. : ) I could go on.
I stay home with my kids. Have never worked outside the home in the 12 years I've been privileged enough to be a mommy. Randy is the sole breadwinner. And we make WAY less than 100g's per year. Try half of that.
Yes...we raise a family of 6 and thrive on $50,000/year. And I am blessed with being here 24/7 with my kids. Working outside of the home was never an option for me so we "made it work".
Now I completely understand that is not an option for everyone and don't ever want to judge anyone for the decisions they make for their family. None of my business.
My point is that personally; I will never be or have been a slave to money or the material things it provides. Sure we all need a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our back..etc. However, I made the decision a LOOONG time ago that aside from the necessities that I'd be willing to sacrifice some of the more frivolous things in life to be a mom...one that is able to spend each and every precious moment with my kids. It goes way too fast as it is.
I just wanted to add that I get your post and appreciate the thought put into it. So much of life is subjective, you know??
Stace- it is worth noting that I live in CT and you live in MO.
Yes, it's all relative but I'm not so sure that $50k is that different than "less than $100k" in CT.
I don't know, though.
Either way - keep it coming, love the response to this one.
It's funny because lately I have felt like I haven't gone that deep in my Blog and here I do, puking all over it.
I was afraid that was going to come off that way and I honestly didn't mean it to. You're right...cost of living is different state by state which certainly comes into play.
I contemplated whether or not to add that little tidbit to my reply anyway. I guess I was just trying to make a point; not to you personally, but that it is possible to still provide a good quality of life for your family on a tighter budget and have the ability to stay home with your children.
Am I coming across bitchy today?? I swear...after reading that last paragraph it sounds as if I am!! I'm usually more eloquent in my writing...today...not so much. : )
Anywho... I apologize if I came off a little defensive... It was certainly not my intention considering I agree with your post. : )
I know you - I know where you're coming from - just leveling the field a bit for my other Blog Buddies.
Don't censor or guard yourself here. Let it roll, friend.
This ain't the Junes.
One more thing. : ) As I was washing the floor and contemplating your post... I thought of another aspect here. : ) This plays directly into the point that while money does not buy happiness; it helps to facilitate it. This is definitely true in the sense that because money is integral in our lives and can be a huge cause of stress, especially in a marriage, being fiscally sound can provide a much needed feeling of security.
Not worrying over finances, or at the very least not letting them totally consume you, makes for a healthier, happier person and marital reletionship.
Ok... that was definitely more succinct. : )
Liz.. I agree with you and all of the above comments... it is all about sacrifice, and about finding a way to make it happen. There are too many people that have there hands out waiting for some sort of "bail out".. do people actually think anyone should be bailed out at the expense of others?? Why should you and I "make it work" while others just feel they are owed..?? Our life here in Las Vegas is full of financial stress, we put everything we had into a house that has lost 45% of it's value, maxed out credit cards to fill this house with all the toys... We knew what we were doing when we signed the paperwork but we like so many others just thought our home values would keep double digit appreciation, well we were wrong, BIG TIME. But to be honest with you.... (can you believe that, honest) I find a way to make it work, for my family, for my future and mostly for myself.. I am disheartened with the lack of accountability with people today and the notion that we all need to be bailed out, suck it up... figure out a way to make it work for you, so you can live your life true to yourself. Like you said "because some how, some way you pulled it off". We should all live by that.... I like you!! you have "balls" to put it all out there and you and your attitude is what we all need right now... figure it out, make it happen!!
and I totally agrre... If I made another couple of hundred k a year.. I would figure out a way to spend that and an additional 50K. Keep the faith.. Bill
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