Moving is tricky business.
Your family and friends really want you to be happy, they want to support you. But they, the ones that are not moving, cannot fathom how you could possibly be so happy if you make such a change.
How can you leave them? {“They’ve got a rude awakening coming…”}
How can you make a home in a place that is not their home? {“What about all those roots you worked so hard to put down?”}
How can you find peace and happiness without them? {“You need family near by, what if something happens?”}
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| With Belle's Ben and Caleb, in Mystic, just before we left. |
You don’t know anybody!
You don’t know where anything is!
And then you do.
Moving is tricky because you are happy and you do find peace and you can make a new home, but you don’t want to put off a vibe that implies you were not happy or not at home in the place you are leaving. {“I talked to her. Did you talk to her? She sounds happy… Did you think she sounded happy?”}
Does being happy away mean you weren’t happy close by?
You miss your friends and your family but missing friends and family should not be confused with wishing you were there or wishing you hadn’t left or wishing you were with them right that very minute and as many minutes as possible ever because you miss them desperately!!
If you seek out true peace and happiness, with the people that you crave being with the most, you will find peace and happiness anywhere you go.
When you move away you miss familiarity. You miss comfort.
Moving is scary. There are so many unknowns.
Jay and I have always been restless. We have always known that we would not stay in Hebron forever. We didn’t know if we would give up high taxes in central CT for high taxes in southern CT or NY or MA or FL. We never imagined CA, that’s for sure.
But look at what we’ve done.
We picked up and left our comfort, our families and our friends. Really, really good people that we really, really love a lot.
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| Abby's last minute/snow emergency 9th birthday party - 2 of her besties. |
But you know what?
They’re still our family and our really, really good friends.
And the ones that aren’t? Well, they weren’t, were they?
We have been through a lot of things in the 14 years we have been married. Good, bad and indifferent. Who hasn’t, right? The more time you spend with someone, the more shit you see.
The one thing that has been consistent, that we rely on, is that we have always put each other, our marriage, first.
Once, Deborah and I discussed it. Years ago. My father used to get angry with my mother, saying she put us first when she should have put him first. My mother’s argument - had she ever made it out loud - could easily have been that he was pretty damn good at putting himself first enough for both of them… but I digress… he’s dead... so we don’t say such things.
Anyway. My sister said in regards to her marriage, “we put each other first and together, we put our kids first”. I thought that was brilliant because it really does sum up a loving marriage and parenting partnership.
By putting each other first, we make our marriage/friendship/partnership the number one priority. In doing that, our parenting style puts our kids in the forefront of lifestyle choices, but not at the sacrifice of ourselves - but as a team.
And as a team we managed this decision and this move to leave everything and everyone we know to move across the country.
And we are really happy and at peace.
And we miss our friends and family, but not because we wish we hadn’t left, but because we love them and know we will see them again and it will like we never left.
That’s the beauty of real, love-filled relationships.
In California we have found a lifestyle that allows for more free time, family activities and leisure time that we either didn’t have or didn’t make time for in Connecticut.
We go to the beach every weekend. We ride bikes for no reason other than to go bike riding. We watch tv and go to the movies, go to the mall and out to eat. We spend really good quality time together.
The weather and the city have created this perfect storm of “no excuse but to have a good time”.
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| Adventure Time! |
We don’t own this house we live in, so we don’t have to look around in disgust at every ache and pain in the yard, on the roof or in the garden if we decide to sit outside and soak up some sun.
We aren’t responsible for “maintaining our investment” so sitting around on a Sunday afternoon watching tv is no longer impossible - there is nothing else to do! No lawn to mow, no garden to plant, no rooms to paint, no carpet to remove or bathrooms to remodel. It doesn’t matter! A roof over our heads and a door to lock on the way out. Our time is our own in a way that we couldn’t understand under the shackles of homeownership. There are benefits to owning your own home, for sure. But they aren’t what they once were and they may not ever outweigh this lifestyle, for us, again.
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| Fireworks, on the sidewalk. Fireworks come to us, we don't go to them. |
Another aspect of this move is the advantage for our children. Presented with a new school, new kids and teachers and ways of life. A school that is not led by all the moms they’ve known since they were toddling around park playdates. A school that their mom was not president of the PTA for or Room Parent or even allowed to volunteer at (their school requires a TB test, *one of my quests for this summer is to find a place that administers TB tests*).
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| A shot from my "going away party" - it includes quite a few of, but not all of, those mamas that we grew so happy and comfortable to live and grow with. Awesome women. |
They are adjusting to change. Because life is all about change, really. And to not prepare them to be able to move with and adapt to changes as needed would be unfair, really.
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| Ask Abby if she ever, in a trillion years, thought she would do - nevermind enjoy - Track Camp. |
They are being forced to learn independence. Independence from groups of lifelong friends, independence from familiarity and comfort zones. They are being forced to find a better sense of what’s important and what matters to them.
They don’t know who’s cool or who’s connected, none of these kids’ moms are my friends. They will only judge by who is nice, who is fun, who is happy - those are the people they will be attracted to play with and find their own peace with.
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| Pole Vault. You can't really tell in this shot, but he's got this. |
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| Yup. So does she. Try to make me say differently. |
They are also learning how much they enjoy each other. And that is something that cannot be taught or demanded. That is a gift that we are so thankful to witness each night as they go to bed, in Abby’s room, one up in the top bunk and one in the bottom because they prefer it that way. They want to be together. They like each other.
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| Look at that love!! |
This summer they have not had tons of playdates or camps or commitments. They have had each other. We have had and will continue to have our own playdates and adventures, just the 4 of us, with a few friends we've made along the way.
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| It's nice when your friend are also your cousins. |
And when school starts in September they will have new classrooms full of new friends, new baseball, softball, basketball and dance teams. Childhood - with all the chaos and drama that comes with it - will continue, but this summer will be one that they will never forget. Because it will be one that we will never be able to duplicate.
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| What's your poison? Wetzels or Cinnabon? |
That’s our ultimate goal. Friends are always friends, no matter what you have or where you live. Family is always family, like it or not! But life is what you make it and we are making it into our own adventure.
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| Guac-stuffed tomatoes ala Wy. |
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| A magnificent pudding pie ala Abalicious. |
In the words of that wise man from Joe Dirt - “home is where you make it”.
