Protein is good. Carbs are easy, but protein is tastier if you take the time to prepare your food. For example - start making lunch before you're ready to eat your foot.

I am down 11 pounds since I started this whole thing in February. And I've only been exercising for about 2 weeks. So, I feel ok about that.
There is also that period of time where Easter Candy was here...

Do you ever stop to think about some of the words you use on a regular basis. Words that come out of your mouth and are quite possibly insulting someone, but you have heard them your whole life so you never gave it any thought?
There is a group in Facebook called "Stop Using the R-Word."
For the life of me, I couldn't think of it. What starts with R??
RETARD.
I use that word all the time - and not in it's Webster meaning. I use it when something is fucked up. I call it retarded.
I call my husband retarded about 76 times a day.
When I stopped to think about it after seeing one of my friends on FB in this group, I though "wow, that is sort of mean."
So, I am going to try to stop it.
And what about "gay".
I am a huge believer in Equal Rights, Gay Marriage, "Love Makes a Family"... but I say "that's gay" all the time. And I don't mean "that's homosexual", I mean "that's retarded". (Oops.)
Anyway... something to think about. Who knows what else I say... Those 2 will be hard enough to work on.
But in all seriousness - when I think about it, if Abby were to say "you're a retard" or "that's so gay", I would be floored. And I would have only myself to blame.
I mean, she was saying "oh, fuck" at 2 years old.
I curbed those F-bombs, I can work on the rest of my vocab, too.

I want to run a 5K.
Are you done laughing?
Seriously. I do.
And I happen to be married to an ex-runner. (Meaning - he ran in high school and college and even a little in his twenties but we have aged and gained - blissfully - together.)
So, we'll run together.
Not together-together. I mean, who will watch the kids?
But we're going to train at the same time.

My weight loss adventure - this time - is more about getting healthy and living an active, healthy lifestyle. I want to be fun with my kids. I want to be comfortable with my body enough to chase them on the beach. I want to be able to keep up with them!!
And, not to be morbid, I want to live long enough to see them have kids, and maybe even their kids have kids.
People live a reeeeeeeeeeeally long time in my family. I want to, too, but I also want to feel and look good.

My Grampy turned 90 today. So, on Saturday we will pack up the family truckster and head to Queens to celebrate.
90.
Crazy, huh?
But I'll tell ya - that fat, old Sicilian is almost as fiery at 90 as he was at 70. He slowed a bit because he had a stroke but he still gets revved up at the big holidays. (And if you have any Italian in you, whatsoever, you know that a Sicilian with even a little fire is not someone to fuck with.)
So - Happy Birthday, Gramps! See ya Saturday!

Way Back Wednesday

Puerto Rico, 1969 or 70.
Has to be one of them because my mom is pregnant with
either Christine or Edward.

I chose this picture for one reason:
my mother's hair thingy.
I love that style so much.
Especially now with my new 'do.
I want to wear scarves/wraps/headbands...
whatever they're called
on my new, cutie-pie short hair cut.
Cute ones with smaller, more muted designs than this particular one that my mom is sporting.
Please tell me where I can buy these hair thingies.

We went to the beach today. I live in New England and today is April 28th. But we went to the beach today. And the kids went in the water! And I have a sunburn!
Then, when we got home, the kids went in the little turtle pool.
And after that, we went to a neighbor's house and they went in the sprinkler.
Actually, Abby went under the sprinkler, Wyatt got sprinkled once or twice, furrowed his brow and muttered "oh no".

I cannot wait to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Cannot Wait! (I am also pretty excited about the new Fox show, "Glee"!)

People who smoke gross me out. More than that, people who smoke in their car and then throw their butts out the car window should be fined. Fined for more than littering with that butt; fined for just being so disrespectful, so disgusting and such a poor, poor example to our children. It is really so disgusting.

Anyway - it's Idol night.
I hate Jamie Foxx. What an arrogant mf-er.
Here we go:

Creepy red haired girl - I watched last week's Idol on DVR and Abby watched with me. She said, and I am not lying, "mommy, that one with the pink hair is freaky". I said, "yes, she is, babe. I agree." But, I did like her performance tonight, I really love that song,
she may be in the Final 3. But she won't win.

Kris Allen - I can't put my finger on who this kid looks like.
I think it's someone in my life but I can't place him. Maybe it's the guy who does our gutters. Too bad that guy is coming while we're away
(and doing our windows, in & out, too!).
Anyway - he was good.
He's sort of boring to report on because he is always good,
he's always cute, he never blows me away.

Adam Lambert – Clearly, someone is dressing this kid.
Unfortunately, he doesn't always seem very comfortable in what
they put him in. Is he so oddly shapen?
He seems to have really big legs and small arms.
Anyway - yes, of course I loved his performance.
W.O.W. He is a stand-out winner.

Danny – I really, really liked his jazzy, soul-y rendition of this very wonderful song. Loved it, loved it, loved it.
I have always loved ths song, used to sing it to my baby, tiny, infant girl... I love the way he took a sweet, romantic lullabye and made it so fun and hot.

Cyclops – Thank goodness for the Rat Pack, huh? Otherwise, what excuse would he have had for that hat!? And that hat saved us from his little buddy giving us the evil eye the whole performance.
I thought he sucked. Seriously - he was pitchy, he was weird-looking, his lip curved ina weird way but overall - he was just weird. He's gotta go .

How many go home next week? I'm not sure but I will put this out there now - the final three will be:
Danny, Adam and the Chick.

You know the little programs you get at church? (Is that just a Lutheran thing or does everyone get those?) You know them - you follow along through the service, it tells you what song is coming up, what page to refer to, how much longer you're gonna be sitting there... And then, in the back pages, it lists what's going on in the church that week, and the following week. You need it during the service. But then what do you do with it? Some people leave it in the pew. I bring it home. I like to make sure I know everything that is going on. But now what? Well, I throw it out... but is that wrong? Am I supposed to be saving them? Should I pack them up for my eventual trip to Heaven? Is it like saving the top portion of the bill that you send in? If I save the church programs, do I show them to God to prove I went to church?

We need to buy a new grill. We wanted a new one, anyway, the burners were not functioning properly and the grates were burnt or worn out or whatever. I don't know, but Jay said we need a new one. Then, this winter, a small field mouse family took up residence. Jay was willing and able to evict the little guys but Abby & I pleaded for their lives so they stayed. Now - we reeeallllly need a new grill. No amount of scraping and fire is going to make me NOT taste mouse poop with each burger this summer. So - we're buying a new grill. Soon. I can't wait. But...

I'll miss cooking over the coals in the front yard. If you've been to our house then you know that the back yard is a slant, all downhill, no flat area. The front has a flat area before it slopes, also. Our gas grill (with the mouse family) resides on the deck, which is off the kitchen, in the back. But when you cook with charcoal, the open flame is a bit much for the second-story wooden deck. Why do we have a charcoal grill, you ask? Because we found the mouse family about an hour before we needed to use the grill for a dinner party (yes, we grill all year long, just not as consistently in the sub-zero temps). Jay jumped to the rescue and headed out to buy a grill. What can you buy quickly and easily and cheap-ly? Charcoal. Anyway - the charcoal grill is in the patio/walkway area out front. We have spent many an hour out there this week. The weather has been gorgeous and the coals have been fiery. Nothing smells better and nothing tastes better than beef on charcoal fire.

Our lawn guy still hasn't come. Every Spring and every Fall, I wait. Patiently. Impatiently. Bitchily and Crazily - I stare out my window and up my driveway, waiting to see him making his way down, blowing, mowing and raking his way down the hill to do the yard. Everything waits on his arrival. I can't mulch, I can't plant, I can barely trim and prune - I need winter to be cleaned off the yard first. And when I tell you that this guy (who's in-laws live across the street, does a great job when he does get here and charges next to nothing) has done every other house on my street already- I am not kidding. It's almost funny, if it weren't so frustrating. I have seen him do my neighbors house directly next to us, and at least a half dozen other houses right around us.

I need to order mulch for delivery. Nothing makes me happier than a fresh layer of mulch on a perfectly planted garden or a neatly trimmed border. Is there a more cleaning feeling than that? We figure we need at least 12 yards to start. Then we'll need topsoil the, probably, more mulch. I love spring.

It's been too hot for April. I love hot... in the summer. Because in the summer I can shower in the morning, sweat all day, hop in the pool periodically to cool off and then jump in my pool in the evening, after bed time, maybe with a cold glass of Crystal Light and relax with my husband. When it's this hot in April, all I can do it bitch about it and keep showering.

My son is a charmer. But let me tell you - he's a handful. He stood in my bathroom this morning as I was showering and just cried. He cried and called for me like I had just dropped him off in the woods and ran off leaving him to fend for himself. Never mind that I was 4 inches away, talking to him the whole time. He wanted me to pick him up. And even if I had, he likely would have wanted me to put him back down, then pick him up again... He is also a meat eater. Steak, hot dogs, ham with his eggs - you name it, he's eating it. And he only has 9 teeth (tenth one's on it's way as we speak). If he could have milk in a (very well pronounced) "bot-tle" and steak all day, every day, with a lollipop or banana her and there - he'd be set for life.

My daughter is perfect. Except that she has taken to talking back to me. When you consider that she's only 3 and she has been talking in full conversations since she was 1, it's hard to determine what is "not knowing it's fresh" and what is "knowing exactly how fresh it is but waiting to see what you'll do". That is a very difficult line to draw. If I say "it's time to brush your teeth and get ready for your day" and she says "in a minute, mommy" then I say "no, not in a minute, right now" and then she says "but I really don't want to" and then I say "I'm sorry to hear that but you have to, now let's go" and she says "I have an idea. I will not brush my teeth today, I will have the stink-breath all day"... seriously. I can go on like this for 98 more posts. She can talk all darn day. And she will debate you until the cows come home. (She gets that from her father.) So, I am trying to put my foot down immediately to end the debate before it begins. Really, there should be no debate. Mommy said it, now do it. And if you ask my husband, he will tell you this has been coming for a year, but I really don't see it. I don't want my kids to feel like they don't have a sya in their lives. They do have choices and they can compromise and ask questions and push back when they want or need to. But sometimes, SOMETIMES, it's just because MOMMY SAID SO!!! But she is so smart. And so clever. And so stinkin' funny. It's hard. How do we reign in our fabulous daughters without crushing them? Will I struggle with this for the rest of my life?

All in All, Life is Good. Vacation is less than 2 weeks away. Everyone is healthy and happy. I thank God for my life and our happiness every day. And, clearly, He hears me. (psssst - God? I am recycling the programs after I read them, I don't just chuck them!)

Not sure if I had posted previously about my frustration with Snapfish... It is a film developing website that has fantastic prices and relatively simple tools for editing. I have been a very loyal - VERY LOYAL - customer for several years. Lately, over the past say - 6 months, though - my frustration has grown. Website technicalities, print quality issues, slower turn-around-times for delivery. Their customer service was/is excellent and they were always quick in responding and very apologetic.
Screwing up our Christmas Card pictures was pretty much my last straw... but their prices! $.09 a print! Crazy cheap and I order about 200 prints a month.
But then when the website was timing out while I was trying to upload anywhere from 50 to 350 pictures at a time, I couldn't take anymore.
I sent them a very polite, very direct email about how, after about 8 years of loyalty, I was fed up. I explained, in clear detail, where I was having issues and why I had had it and was leaving the site. ("Leaving" really only means that I am no longer uploading and ordering from them, I am not going to any extremes and canceling my account or anything.)
Their response? Maybe I should "delete my cookies and reboot". Or something along those lines. It was pitiful. It was the nail in the coffin.

So - here I am, loading up my April, 2009 pictures at Shutterfly.
Shutterfly was my first film developing website and I still have my account there so it didn't take much work but I do seem to recall not being a fan of their editing capabilities and they do cost about $.06 more per print - that could add up...

I'll see how it goes. I am open to suggestion, though, if you, too, are a picture-taking fool like I am... but just can't wrap your mind around "saving them to file" and not printing and putting them in frames and albums...
I have so many albums, so may frames, so many collages and magnets and photobooks. I love them all!!

Because I love to eat.
Because eating is in my top 5 favorite things to do in all the world.
Because after sex & shopping, it is the only thing in the world that I love to do. And sometimes (ok, most of the time) it ranks as #1.

Because of that - I have vowed to begin exercising.

It is the simplest thing in the world. But the hardest.

So, I am taking it slowly. And one day at a time.

I bought a WII Fit. The WII Fitness Board has informed me that I am obese. (Thanks, asshole.) But if I exercise 30 minutes a day and cut back on my portions, I can lose the weight I need to reach a healthy BMI. (I will not tell you what my BMI is but I will tell you that my MII is quite roly-poly.)

So - today is Day #2 of exercising for 30 minutes per day. And, as I had hoped, the WII Fit is very fun and addictive. It appeals to my competitiveness. It congratulates you, it tracks your activity - and not just in the "Great Job - You got 50 points!" way, it says stuff like "damn, fattie - it's been a while! too busy eating to bother moving?"
Ok, maybe not quite that way but you get the idea.

I also have Jay to compete with, who is the closest thing to an "equal" I have around here. And yet I force myself to compete with Quinn, who's a 12 year old female athlete.
Yeah, because that's how I get when it comes to games. I take no prisoners.

So - while I am the first to admit that I have not been a "good" dieter since that post where I bragged about how awesome I am, I am proud of myself for not giving up and just being a fattie.

I have also committed to running (or walking, we'll see...) the high school track with a few other moms. I have even committed Quinn to come with me to keep Wyatt from running into the road and Abby from constantly asking me to stop and "Watch this cool trick, mama!"

So, I'm hoping that by finally tackling this obstacle they call "physical activity" I won't have to second guess every single thing I put into my mouth. I can still enjoy myself but not be 500 pounds before I'm 40.

Way Back Wednesday

This picture was taken by my mother on the day that Jay & I arrived to their rented house in St. Pete, FL. I think it was February of 2001 because I think we had twin beds in our bedroom. I am sure my parents felt silly separating us but ok with having us in the same room, with 2 beds. See, we wouldn't be married for a few more months. :)
Now my parents own a condo, on the water, with a great view in a great 55+ community with great pools and restaurants and shopping etc... I love it there so much. They bought their condo in the same complex that my grandparents own(ed) theirs for my entire life.
I spent my entire childhood going to Florida. We went as a family and when I was old enough, I went alone - to stay with my grandparents on school breaks.
Now, my Grampa has passed and my Gramma is in an Assisted Living facility in NY. But we still have FL because my parents are there now. The world keeps on spinning, right?

Anyway - this picture is so great because we had flown down and you know that feeling when you first get to the warm vacation destination from the cold winter of home? That feeling of ice and snow and aggravation literally melting off of your body? I love the smell of Florida. I love the smell of Tampa International Airport. I love the way the humid Florida breeze blows away worry, stress and cold.
And this picture shows the yuck falling off of us.

Notice - Jay already has on his vacation hat. I am still wearing my cold weather clothes - that guy wasted no time throwing on shorts and his bucket hat. (I seem to recall having a spa appointment the next morning for appropriate vacation-hair removal.) But we're sitting with our feet in the water, looking out at the people on their boats, jet skis, other docks and thinking

"now this... this is what we work for."

Two & a half weeks till the "aaaahhhhhhhhh" hits us again. This time we are not traveling in the cold of February but I suspect I'll still feel it. It's still Florida. It's still palm trees and warm, humid breezes.

I know, I know - I'm late.
Sorry.

Also, let me add - I really hate the whole Disco thing.

Last bit - did you notice how thin and see-thru Simon's shirt was? That was not well thought out at all, Wardobe.

Here we go:

Creepy red haired girl - Act your age. I prefer my 16 year olds cute & happy like Miley Cyrus or Debbie Gibson. This girl is a freak of nature. I can't stand that people are swooning for this young girl who acts like something that she has absolutely no understanding of.

Kris Allen - What a totally random and totally awesome choice of song. He really did a cool rendition of a very good song. I'm like a broken record here, so forgive me: He's a good singer, he's cute, he's enjoyable... but he still "ain't it".

Little – Seriously? A Whitney Houston song? She is so bad, she sucks so much, she annoys me to no end. Did I mention that she looked like an overdone, washed up porn star?

Adam Lambert – This guy can really do no wrong. The only issue I have with him is the way he is running away with it. Run. ning. A. way. With. It. It makes me feel badly for guys like Anoop and Chris. He is A-mazing. Moving. Gifted. And he truly gets better each week.

Danny – I like this guy a lot. He has a nice style, a lovely voice and is very likable. I fear for his position in the final 2 because people really like Allison (CRHG) so I think he needs to take a daring leap next week or he might come in third.

Anooooooop – He's the only reason that Matt MIGHT not get voted off this week. He is a good singer, he's just boring.

Cyclops – What must it feel like to be Matt this week? America already voted him off. The people who watch this show and care enough to vote chose to RELEASE the Cyclops. And with good reason. And while I am not a fan of Justin Timberlake, never was, I respect him and I am offended on behalf of him for the way his style was so poorly ripped off.

My Bottom Three:
Little (SEE YA!)
Matt (Buh-Bye!)
Anoop (He'll go next week, sadly.)

I just ate a hunk of Munson's Chocolate. Does that sound like a woman trying to lose 50 pounds?
No.
But it does sound like a woman who has been watching 2 kids in addition to her own 2 for 12 hours at a clip for the past 2 days and will be for the next 3, as well. That same woman who has been shit & puked on more times than she cares to recollect over the past 6 days. And that same woman who is just settling in to do some serious checkbook balancing and bill paying.
That is a woman who, although she is dieting, needs a hunk of Munson's.

Speaking of shit & puke. I don't know if it is the poly-blend or the cold water wash but I had to toss 2 sets of Wyatt's jammies back into the laundry tonight after putting them on his freshly clean and precious, puke & poop-free body. He had a nice tubby, I changed his sheets (for the 29th time this week) and was ready to put him in his crib, all cozy and sweet. But I smelled puke still. Convinced it was just burnt into my nose I called Jay in for a second sniff. Yes, he smelled puke, too.
Why is that?
I have been trying to use the Cold Water option on my washer to conserve energy. Is that it, ya think? Or is my All Free & Clear not puke-worthy? Or is it just the crappy poly blend that they make pajamas out of so the kids don't catch on fire?
I put the stuff back in, same detergent, same fabric - but with the regular, warm wash. If that doesn't work I'll be buying new jammies.

In my MOMS Club, I am a very active member. I love being a member and completely and totally appreciate the friends, connections and opportunities that have come my way since getting involved. I have been the Secretary on the Board and Editor of the Newsletter; currently I am the Calendar Coordinator and Mom's Night Out Planner.
With Cinco de Mayo around the corner, I have planned a fun night at a local, Gen-U-Ine Mexican Restaurant. They are having specials, give aways and a live band to celebrate! Fun, right?

It reminded me of a Mom's Night Out on Cinco de Mayo about 2 years ago.
It was a huge house party at one of the mom's houses. Her husband is a gourmet chef and they hosted this annual shindig, accepting only donations to a local charity for entry. When I say "gourmet", I am not kidding.
Anyway - I remember, very naive at the time, saying "wow, this is so fun, we should do this with our husbands, too." And one mom, Carissa, who I cherish as a friend now but didn't know very well then said to me "this ain't about them, this is our night out."
And I remember thinking "ew, guess she doesn't like her husband very much. I like to be with my husband as much as I can. I have the happiest marriage ever."
I laugh at myself now because I am where Carissa already was then, now. And recently a newer mom said to me "can myhusband come out with us to XX?"
My response?
"No. It ain't about him. This is for you. Go out with him another time."
I can only hope that her day will come, too, that she will know that I truly only have her best interests in mind and we all need a night out. Even if it is only once a month.
All of us need a night off. From all of it.

Remember the scene from YaYa's when all 4 kids are puking and shitting and Ashley Judd is freaking out?!
Well, last night wasn't quite that bad - but it was not fun.

Wywy had his very first "puke sick" and he was pathetic and adorable.

He would throw up, then cry, then pass out. I put him in his crib twice, only to have to change the sheets (and his pajamas) each time before I finally got wise and just took him and a few towels, tissues and baby wipes into my bed where I could hold him and catch his spew.
We went through the night with some puking, followed by some crying, followed by some very pathetic cries of "mama" before he would fall back to sleep.
If I tried to put him down, on my bed, right next to my body, he would wake up, cry sadly for "mama" and then climb back onto my body. He had to be on me. And that's ok. I just held him.

My poor, sweet, angel baby boy.

Then, this morning, Abby had a similar bug but her's came in the form of diarrhea. I will spare you the very disgusting, very detailed descriptions that I am so tempted to write out. But, all in all, she wasn't bothered by it, just inconvenienced. And she'll be quite angry when she finds that she is not allowed to play with the other kids today.

Why?
Because I am not one of those mothers who allows her children out to infect everyone else's children because it's "easier" or because "they really want to play" or because they would "be so disappointed".

Tough shit. Life happens. You're sick, you can't play. Tomorrow is another day.

I will make the afternoon fun, but within our own germ-sphere, not out in the 'hood.

And to all those that do allow their children (or yourselves) to infect the rest of us... this is for you:

Way Back Wednesday

This must have been 2007, right? Since she's a January baby...
so I was pregnant with Wywy.
I really wanted to do a line-up of all the different "Bunny" pics,
but I am lazy and didn't find/scan them all in time for this.
Still - Abby's cute. :)

Quentin Tarantino? Really? If I were not SO exhausted, I could go on and on and on about every single embarassingly annoying thing this man did over the course of the past hour. What qualifies this toothless goober as a singing judge?

Creepy red haired girl - I just don't get it. I just don't understand what the judges are making such a fuss over. I really, honestly and truly think she sucks.

Kris Allen - This night, this was good. I thought he was really cool - really different - really sexy. It will take more than one good night, though, for me to be a fan. He is sort of annoying still.

Little – Oh man, I love this song. I love Bette. I love harmonizing to this song with someone who can really hold their own on melody. I love gospel music. I love gospel choirs. I hate Little. She sucks. And she was pitchy.

Adam Lambert – If I'm being honest (as Simon so often says), this was not his best night. He was great, outstanding, impressive, different, yada yada yada... but something was missing tonight. Usually I catch myself with my mouth open when he performs. Tonight I found myself rolling my eyes once or twice.

Danny – Very Nick Lachey. Very breathy, lovey-dovey romantic and icky. Can't argue with his vocal ability, he's very good. He is a Final 3, defnitely, but he has really got to up his game if he's gonna take down the Lambert.

Anoop – Week after week, he sings well. He has a nice voice. I have nothing clever here. I love that Bryan Adams song, Anoop sang it well. But come on.
Matt Giraud – After I wrote last week's bit about his head-mole being distracting, I read a few other reviews that said the same, exact thing. I laughed out loud each time. So true. It's gotta go. Tonight, Matt sucked. He really sucked. He cracked, he lost his breath, he just messed up a lot. But, that's not shocking, is it? He sucks.

My Bottom Three:
Anoop (and, sadly, this will probably be his week to go,
although I hope not, Matt should go first.)
Matt
Little


And ps, here's me:
I have to caveat this pic, I HATE self-portraits.
There is just no way to look like I am not posing, when I am totally posing.
Trying to get the best shot of my haircut without
showing off my crappy skin or makeup-less eyeballs.
I tried to find a random pic from Easter, but there are none.
I had the camera the whole time.

A few pics of Wywy - Post Hair Cut:

I love how "boy" he is.There was nothing special about this "hill". It didn't lead anywhere or have anything cool on top. It is just a monster mound of road dirt and broken up pavement mixed with sand and leaves and sticks. He just had to climb it, walk across it and slide back down it. It just had to be done.

What is it about gossip?
What is it that pulls me into it's dark and guilt-ridden little darkness and shows me all the juicy, enticing details that are non of my business never mind mine to judge?
What is it about a gathering of 2 or more people that promotes the discussion of other people?
It often starts completely harmlessly. But I so often find myself in a position of guilt and self-loathing.
I often find myself dialing up someone I had a conversation with the day before to "clarify" or "caveat" or just outright explain.

I don't want to judge people.
I don't want to talk about people who aren't there.

But where do you draw the line? Are we supposed to just pretend stuff doesn't happen? What defines "discussion" as opposed to "gossip"?
It the answer is "intention" then I can tell you the bit about the path to hell and the way they pave it...

Examples:

I am at the mall with my kids. I run into another mom that I know, with her kids. I leave there knowing about a different mom and her prescription pill habit and subsequent alienation. Yikes!

I am at a neighbor's house. I find myself with a small circle of neighbors talking. I learn about a different neighbor's kid's jail sentence and a different one's kid's personality disorders.

In both of those situations, I didn't know enough to begin with to have been the one to ask about the subjects I learned about. But when they were telling me, I didn't say "oh, it's not nice to talk about people who aren't here to join the conversation."
I said "wow, that's really something... then what?!"

And how do you handle the manipulative gossip?
I find myself getting tricked into saying things or giving away things with my facial or bodily expressions because I am a very bad liar. I can't lie and often try the "I really can't say" route but I am an open-freaking-book, in case you hadn't noticed!

Or sometimes I will say something and only after the conversation will I think "oh shit, was that a secret? at best, it wasn't my story to share. shit." And that is usually followed by a phone call to whomever I feel like I just betrayed or whatever - explaining, step by step, how the conversation went and how the intention was and the mood of the talk etc etc etc...

My personality is such that people are drawn to tell me things.
And I love to listen.
I love hearing all about it, love the juicy, personal details. And I don't tell other people their secrets. Usually. I try really hard not to tell anyone anything. And I have gotten much better about it as I have gotten older.
But people keep telling me.

And I love talking about people.
I love sharing thoughts and opinions and theories about people I care about with people I care about. Or I like to get other people's objective viewpoints even if they may not know the person. For example, I may discuss my family with some close friends that don't know them, or some close friends with my family.

Is that gossip?
Or is that me, discussing my life and the various people that make it up?

I find that I can usually tell if it was "gossip" or not by the emotional hangover or lack-there-of. If I feel uncomfortable afterward, I know I was out of line.
And, like I said, I have gotten better at not discussing but mostly listening, especially in situations like the 2 examples I used. I nod a lot, I take it in.
Then I tell Jay, because I am bursting to tell someone but I know it's not my story.

This post is dedicated to my boy's mop-top.

You see, tomorrow morning, at 8:30 am, Sharp, he will be sitting for his very first haircut ever.

We all love the curls. We all love the mop-top. We all wondered how long it would get and how often we would smile and say "thank you" to the "she's so pretty" compliments.


But when you keep in mind that this kid eats with his hands, plays with dirt & bugs, climbs, falls and basically gets and stays dirty his every waking moment...


...the mop-top can be a bit much. It collects food, dirt, snot and bugs.
Plus, it's starting to cover up his "pretty" face and
if I trim his bangs again, he will look like Billy Ray Cyrus.
(I would say "circa 1995" but I'm fairly certain the guy's still sportin' the mullet.)


So, farewell, crazy hair.
I cannot wait to see my little man-boy with his perfect little man-haircut!!

Can we talk about the Diet for a second?
I am still "on it" - I just feel like I haven't been "trying" very hard.
I am down 9 pounds but I have to admit that I've been lucky.

Now that Spring is here (not that it's warm but at least the ice is not preventing me from walking up my driveway) I have been walking to the places in the 'hood that I would normally make fun of people for driving to.
I have to go to Jody's a few days a week. I walk.
I went to my friend Deb's house, she lives 1 street down but our backyards touch. It's annoying because it really is about 1/3 mile on the road, what could be about 15 feet if we just walked through the woods.
I walked on the road.

Now, don't get me wrong - we ain't "power walking"!
We're walking with a 3-year old, pulling a 1-year old in a red wagon. Then, said 1-year old, helps himself out of said red wagon and we're chasing, 2 steps forwards, 22 steps back, 24 steps forward to where we just were, holding tiny hand. Tiny hand breaks free, the circus begins again. I would have to say that if you were watching me, you'd laugh. It's not pretty, but it keeps me laughing.
And at least we're active.

And we have the park. And the park is not what is used to be.
The park used to be: Put baby in swing, put toddler in swing, push kids.
Now the park is like this:
"Push me, mama!"
"Watch this, mama!"
"No, Wyatt!"
"Come back here, Wyatt!"
"Has anyone seen Wyatt?"
"PUT THAT DOWN!"
"Get back here!"
"Mama, can I swing on the big girl swing?"
"Wyatt, don't walk there, your sister's on the swing."
FWOMP!
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
and so on....

So, I guess I will be getting more exercise without really trying.

I did buy a WII Fit, though. I watched Jay set up his Mii and I have yet to set up mine. Maybe Friday.

Between now and Easter Sunday we have our MOMS Club Easter Egg Hunt, Gymnastics, a few local errands, a few G'bury errands, our church's Easter Egg Hunt, our own Egg-Coloring Eggstravaganda and then... drumroll, please... I was able to get squeezed in for a hair appointment!! Yee-Haw!!

Wait till you see my kids in their Easter Outfits!! You are going to wretch from their ridiculous levels of cuteness.
Hopefully we will get a good family shot. I am always trying, rarely succeeding, in getting a good family shot. How do you get 4 people to all look good at the same time - just to all look at the same time!?

Way Back Wednesday

This is one of my favorite pictures.
It is from our first house, pre-children.
Squirrel's on my lap, Kitty's on the big couch,
Pete was a gawky pre-dog
(still a puppy but not a super-cute baby anymore and not a full-grown dog yet, either)
and Maggie was about 1.
We were just hanging out.

See that rug? That is a 100% wool, 8 X 11 Braided Rug.
It matched my living room perfectly. I loved that living room.
It lasted about 3 months with 2 puppies.
Pathetic.
I still miss that rug.
(And the pre-kid house sometimes, too.)

It's Idol Night!!! YEEEHAWWWWW!!!

{I love Ryan Seacrest. Can I just tell ya?}

{"Indulgent" is almost as over-played as "dawg" on this show.}


Here we go:

Creepy red haired girl - Not everything has to sound so gutteral, Red! She is still bugging me. She probably won't fall into the bottom 3 this week but no, nobody likes you, they just don't like a few others more.

Kris Allen - I just can't get into this guy. Yeah, he has a nice singing voice, he has little-to-no "oomph" - nothing memorable at all.

Little – Explain it all you want, Little, I'm still calling you Little. And you had better work on more than those legs if you wanna sing Tina, sista.

Adam Lambert – That guy just blows me away. His control, his range, his undeniable GIFT. He is the ONLY contestant to get consistently better while consistently changing his game up. I have officially changed my prediction. Adam Lambert will be the next American Idol. No doubt. (I promise, I will be sure of my final prediction before the final 2. lol)

Blind Guy – LOVE that song, LOVE the he really went out on a limb with it. Unfortunately, he fell off the limb.

Danny – Started out sort of icky R&B. Not a fan. Ended ok. Not my favorite night of "The Gokey".

Anoop – I want to like this guy. I do. I even stopped calling him Kumar. I just can't love him, he just has to go. (And did you hear the one note - the one that made my ears close a little bit?!)

Matt Giraud – Man, that thing on his forehead distracts me so much. Who was he trying to act like tonight? It was like a drunken Halloween party - Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Charlie Sheen from 2 & 1/2 Men... it was so bad. So, so uncomfortable. I cannot believe the judges loved him so much. I cannot believe it. HORRIFYING.

My Bottom Three:
Blindey
Lilley
Anoopey

24 hours till the polls close...

... and please leave a comment on this post if you have specific ideas of the cut/color/style!!!

My appointment is on Wednesday.
I am so excited and so nervous and
I cannot believe that I am leaving this up to a group of Blog-Lovahs...
but at the same time, there is no reason not to leave it up to you,
I can't decide anyway!!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<--------------------------------

My family is in NY, as I have previously mentioned. So, for holidays, we split our time between NY and CT. We always go to my mom's for Thanksgiving, we always go to Jay's mom's for Christmas. Christmas Eve and Easter have generally fallen between the 2 sides evenly. Of course, because of where we are in relation to everyone else, we see more of Jay's side than mine, so if I can push it, my family gets more holidays.

Easter is a holiday that holds a very special place in my heart because over the past few years, we have made it into a fabulous, fun-filled, New York City Weekend Blow Out!
(Easter also holds a very special place for me because of Jesus, obviously, but I won't get into that here and now. I will, just not right now. But I really do want to share my experience at church this morning. Amazing.)

So, I had previously told you about our hotel reservations being booked at the Hilton Millennium and that we were revved up and ready to go!!
But, duty calls, shit happens and we won't be heading to NYC for this Easter.

You know that feeling when you are SO unbelievably disappointed and so sad for not only yourself but for someone that you love?
But at the same time, you can totally see the bright side, but you don't really want to admit it because you still feel really sad for the other people in the mix?
That's where I am.

We can't go to New York. That's certain, there is no way around it so, I have accepted that and now I am looking forward to:

a) attending my own church on Easter Morning.

b) eating dyed, hard-boiled eggs for breakfast
(at least as an appetizer as my Easter Strata warms up)
c) Making Easter Strata for breakfast
d) seeing our kids wake up to their Easter Baskets in their own house
e) delighting Jay's family with my beautiful children at Easter Dinner
f) not spending the BUCKS for the NYC hotel & food
and then the dog kennel when we get back!

And even though those are all really great and happy things. I still feel really sad because:

a) I know that Auntie Frannie is so disappointed
b) I really enjoy New York City & I was really looking forward to that hotel
c) I love Tradition and maybe it's just my OCD,
but I hate breaking the "Easter in NYC" streak.
d) This is the first time in years that my parents are home in time for Easter
and we won't be there.

Oh, my goodness... see the conflict?!

Anyway - here are some pictures from last year's celebration, we really had so much fun:

Bryant Park, Wyatt is in the stroller right next to us, don't worry!

See? There he is!

It's hard to tell through the Ben & Jerry's but this was quite a cute outfit!
This is back in the hotel room, after a full day in Manhattan.

Here's the view from our room.
When you have 2 babies that have to go to bed before 7,
you pay a little extra for a room worth hanging out in.

Easter morning we met my sister & her family at the Hard Rock for an early lunch.
They were heading to see Little Mermaid on Broadway,
we were making our way up to Queens, to my aunt's house.

Here we are at my aunt's house for Easter Dinner.
Note Wywy's rosey cheeks - I think Saturday was his first day outside all day.
He loved it, but he was rosey for 2 days following!

Ah, good times! I love Easter, I love New York and I love my family.

For my niece's birthday party tomorrow I made Taco Dip, a Cinnamon Pecan Coffee Cake & a Strawberries & Cream Cake (this is not the recipe I used, but I will next time, YUM!).
I had to slice 2 pounds of strawberries and as I was dreading the job I remembered a little trick I learned last summer...

1. Place washed & stemmed strawberry in the egg slicer.

2. Slice.

3. Viola!
(yes, viola. that's the way funny people spell voila.)

It really sped the process along for me.

Show me a household that does not stress about money and I will show you a beautiful bridge that just went on the market... or maybe you'd be interested in some waterfront property in Florida...

My point is that everyone worries about money. Everyone spends too much money. No one "stays within their means". The more money you make, the more money you spend. And be wary of people who say they don't - they're the worst ones. Remember this commercial? I t cracks me up because it is so f---ing true, it's silly.

I was recently discussing with Gina, my wedding. I loved my wedding. I loved every last detail. And I can tell you what each detail cost, too. Wanna know why? Because somehow, some way, Jay and I pulled that off. Dollar by dollar.
Wanna know how?
Well, I can't help you with that. I have no f---ing idea how we pulled it off.
It's the American Dream, right? You want it - you get it.

Money can't buy happiness?
I disagree. Money buys you stuff that makes you happy.

Money also allows you the freedom to enjoy the things that actually make you happy. For example - if we don't have money, I need to get a job, if I have to get a job I don't get to spend my time watching my kids grow. What makes me happy here is that I am home with my kids, what allows that happiness is the money.

Some mothers like to work, I get that. Some women need the satisfaction of a paycheck and a career. Some women just get really bored at home, no matter how much they love their kids, the monotony is torturous.
This is not a debate as to which side is right or a better mother for it - I have been down that road too many times to try to solve that question. That is a non-question, there is no answer.

My point is - for every mom that stays home, you'll find 10 that wish they could.

"Wish" they could because they "can't".
"Can't" is completely subjective and another conversation that can never end well. No one, no matter how smart you think you are, no one can decide for someone else what the right choice is.

I used to work with a guy who's wife stayed home with their 3 kids. I am certain he made less than $100k per year.
Is that enough money for a household of 5 in a nice home in a decent town? He was so opinionated and was so sexist that he used to spout off about how "if we can do it, anyone can do it".

No, not necessarily. Different families have different standards and different expectations.

So, I understand that money does not buy happiness.
Directly.
But it certainly facilitates it.

Wow - that poll is really rockin! I am so excited!
And, my shameless attempts at grabbing your attention away from Facebook and onto my Blog are working! I love it.
Welcome to my new readers!!! I love that you are also old friends!!
I have re-activated the ability to comment anonymously - please feel free to do so if you have something to say, I do love to hear from you. Please sign your name if you use the anonymous option, though. It's nice to know who's saying what.

So - my mind is racing with activities.
Gymnastics, swimming lessons, school, ballet, karate, playgroup, Sunday School... you name it. The kid turns 3 and all of a sudden she's busier than me! And more expensive!
How much is too much? What is the right mix? When should what begin and when should it end and what should overlap?
It's crazy!

I won't buy into the "competitive" aspect of it. I have no desire to prepare my preschooler for Grad school. She is completely perfect just the way she is and I will continue to gauge how and what she needs by her telling me and me watching her. It worked with on-demand nursing, it works with on-demand learning - it's all the same thing, it's called "being mommy".

I do buy, however, the need to stimulate her and keep her interested in learning, achieving, growing etc. I want her to have every opportunity that she is capable of and interested in.

So, that brings me back to my original point - how much is too much, how much is not enough?

She will begin Preschool in the Fall. 2 days a week, 2 hours a day. I will drop her off and leave here there. I won't be watching like we do in gymnastics. That is a big deal. I think she will be great and very happy and amazing and thrive in her school environment, but it's still a really big deal.

It's a milestone.

And I won't rush into it.

Therefore, we won't be putting her into any preschool camps this summer - which is basically summer school.
She can get dropped off in September - with the cool breezes & the warm sun, a brand new backpack and new shoes and her teary-eyed mama waving from the classroom window. And waving. And crying. And waving... until the teacher has to tell me that I am disrupting her class and I have to leave.

Anyway - Jay and I do agree that swimming lessons this summer are a must. We have a pool, we could teach her. But, for $50, we'll pay a CPR-Certified Lifeguard to teach her, we'll just reinforce it at home.
That, too, is called "being mommy (and daddy)".

Should we sign up for Ballet Class, too? I have never known a little princess who loved to dance like a ballerina as much as I see my sweet girl primed and ready for plies and positions.
So, which one?
The 1 week, 5 day one through the town or the 8 week, 1 day version through the private dance school?

We know that she loves gymnastics, we know that she looks forward to the one day a week that she goes. We know that one day a week is enough.
So - do we sign up for the Fall semester? I am supposed to know if we'll be back in the Fall by early May.
Isn't 2 days at preschool enough "schedule" for my baby?
That is pretty much done in my mind. We can re-visit the gymnastics decision for the Winter or Spring semester - let's leave Fall alone, shall we? I think preschool will be bough for all of us. At least at first.

And the boy! What about the boy!?
With Abby out of the picture 4 hours a week - should I sign us up for some sort of "Mommy & Me" shit!?
Or should I just enjoy being with him and being alone together?
We can go to the park, we can go to playgroup, we can even just grocery shop, just the 2 of us... We've never been alone, Wyatt and I... it will be quite lovely.
I think he can wait for a pay-by-the-hour activity.
At least until the Winter semester...

I still have a little bit of New York in me, that is less from the fact that I grew up in Putnam County and more because my parents and extended family are all genuine city-folk.

I have a lot of Connecticut, which my NYer family often makes fun of. Simple differences like, I say ORange, they say AHrange. (The fruit. Stay with me here.) FlORida, FlAHrida.

Sometimes I squash my "a" sound, which drives me crazy when I hear it. You know it - when someone says the name "Carrie" but it might as well be "Kerry" - they don't pronounce them any different. It makes me crazy to hear it but it makes me NUTS when I do it myself.

When I get a cup of coffee I have to concentrate when with my CT brethren, I try very hard to CAH-ffee but it never fails, there is always some funny-guy who has to say "oh, she wants a cup of CAWFEE, get this girl some CAWFEE. Hey, did you hear that? She said "Cawfee"." That never gets old, I laugh and laugh at that funny, funny guy.

My speech is very impressionable. After a week with my sister in Scotland I picked up a few tidbits that have stuck with me. I say "cardi" rather than cardigan sweater - I think that's cute because my niece, Cara, loves her cardies and talked about which one he would wear endlessly.
I also say "cheeky" because it's cool - you all wish you had a good reason to use a cool, British term. I have one.
My most noted and most involuntary is my pronunciation of the word "naughty". If I don't pronounce the "t" very speficially it feels wrong to me, but I also know that I got that from my week with Deborah, not my proper-English upbringing.

One day with Michele and I sound like J-Lo for a week. (J-Lo also tends to pop out when I am angry or drinking... both times of very fast speaking, I can't control myself.)

Send me south for a quick vacation, I carry a twang for weeks. Send me to Maine for a long weekend and I'm eating "lobstah".

I don't do it on purpose, I just do it. And I used to be so self-conscious of it but now, as we have discussed here so often, I have gotten much more comfortable with me, as a person who I really like and don't constantly criticize or apologize for. So, I like it.

I am really looking forward to a week in Florida (twang, here I come) with my sister, Deborah and her Scottish brood.
Can you have a twangy brogue?

Way Back Wednesday

In honor of my very first niece's EIGHTH birthday,
I thought a few shots of her would be a lovely WBW.