Coming to the end of my first month of the new diet & exercise plan.  I will weigh myself Monday morning to see if I reached the "Month 1 Goal" of losing 10 pounds.  I am fairly certain that I did.  I was down 6 in my first 2 weeks and even with Abby's birthday parties messing me up a bit, I feel pretty good.


My next goal is 20 by mid-March.  I am actually not sure if I mean " 20 more" or "20 total" at this point.  I should probably mean "20 total" but it's very tempting to try to lose 30 pounds in 3 months...  I guess I'll just be happy with loss as opposed to gain.


I made Minestrone yesterday.  Followed the recipe in "Love Soup" and it was, easily, the best soup I have ever made.  The only changes I made to the recipe is that I used 1/2 beef stock & 1/2 veg stock (because I had them both) and I used canned beans as opposed to cooking dried beans as a separate step.
I also added a few secret ingredients - nothing fattening (no butter!) - but I don't want to give up all of my secrets.
Next I will make either Sweet Potato Bisque or Rustic Potato & Leek soup.  I am waiting to hear back from my PBFF to see what she wants as I am hoping to get out there to deliver it to her and her husband, son and new baby - as soon as that new baby pops out.


I plan to share my Rice Pudding recipe and my Pound Cake recipe.  A few people have asked for either or both so I'll throw them up here and try for some more traffic on the old Blog...
Soon.  Not right this second.

I think I will grow my hair out again.  Not sure how long or for how long but here's the thing-  the new hairdresser that I found after the one I left after several years just left the salon I liked going to.
I only liked going there because it is right in town and inexpensive.  I didn't particularly like the people in it and I didn't like the lady I was seeing enough to follow here wherever she ends up.  So, I am a hair-orphan at the moment.  So, I will save some money, let it grow and make a decision in the warmer weather.  That's always fun.

Happy 4th Birthday to my beautiful, brilliant, sensitive, thoughtful, funny, imaginative, amazing, loving, precious, perfect angel baby girl.

The day you were born changed my life forever.
I thank God for you, my little best friend, every single day.

You make me crazy with your stubborn, independent, witty, intelligent-beyond-your-years ways.

And you make me so proud and keep so entertained with those very same ways.

I love you.  And I hope you enjoy your very first "Friend Party" as well as your "Family Party" even half as much as Daddy & I enjoy putting them together for you.

Bedtime is a pretty big deal around here.
Right from the start, I knew I did not want kids that slept in our bed till they were 5 and I didn't want to have a bedtime routine that made me tear my hair out like you see on SuperNanny.
So, right from the start, Jay and I created a routine and continue to maintain that structure.  Sure, we get thrown off here and there and sure, I do want to tear my hair out now and then.  For the most part, though, it's a smooth operation.

 

See what I mean?

There is a special place in hell for people who

give mothers with small children dirty looks at the grocery store.

Especially the woman & 2 teenage girls who were behind me

in the self-checkout line at BJ's in Windham on Sunday.

We've covered this topic before.
I'm fat.

There are people who need to lose, like 10 pounds and there are people who are roly-poly obese.
I fall somewhere in the middle.

My friends will say "Oh you're not fat!  You're so tall/curvy/big-boobed/proportioned/solid/gorgeous!"
(ok, I added the last one)
But, friends, while I appreciate your love and kindness, the facts IS the facts.

But, this is my decade.
I am turning it around.

High Fiber, Lots of Protein, fresh fruits and veggies, Lean meats and Fish.  And when push comes to shove - Smartones Desserts.

And.....  *drumroll*  .......
Exercise.

So, this morning I woke up, got dressed, got the kids dressed, packed my gym bag, dropped one kid off at school and brought the other one down to the health club with me.  He was a very big, brave boy going into childcare all by himself.  The cars, trucks, trains, tracks, roads and ramps help.
I walked and then actually got the speed up to jog a bit on the treadmill.  I want to jog outside when spring comes.  I want to want to and that means I have to get myself in shape and "road ready" over the next few months.
The treadmill was just my warm up, though.  My purpose was Step Class.

I will skip ahead and make this long story slightly less long:  I will never...  EVER...  boast or even discuss the fact that I have a Wii Fit.  I will never tell anyone at the Club that I use the Wii Fit.  I will never - even in my own head (after this post) - consider the Wii Fit to be an actual form of exercise.  {Even the Yoga poses don't match up and that is pretty universal.  Nothing compares to actually "practicing yoga" in fluid, "finding the ease in the effort", group form.}
But the Step Class?  Compared to the Wii Step?  Well, they don't compare.

This class was 60 minutes.  I was sweating buckets, overheated and red and on the verge of collapse after 20 minutes.  I finally had the courage to stop and go get a drink of water, regroup and get back in there after about 25 minutes.  And I straight up stopped trying to follow the instructor and began my own sort of "cool down" after about 35 minutes.
If you've ever seen an aerobics instructor - a tiny, strong, tight, perky-but-a-little-mean woman - multiply her by 7000 and that was the Jillian-Michaels-bot leading this class.

I liked her.  I loved the class.  And, after a few weeks I am sure I will be keeping up and loving it for the entire 60 minutes.
But today - I cried.  I almost puked but I definitely cried.  {In the shower, not in the class!}
I had intended to leave after 45 minutes so that I could shower, grab Wyatt and get back to pick Abby up from school on time but I had no idea how badly I would want and need to leave at 40 minutes!

It was an eye-opening experience.  I am very out of shape and overweight.  But I am committed and enthusiastic.
And, fortunately, I possess the self-confidence to forge through the part of this that makes me look like an asshole to get to the other side.
And, fortunately, the Club we joined seems full of people ready to encourage and support me (and each other) on this journey.
A few women gave me great words of support, joked about their first classes and cheered me on to come back next week.  It made me feel better.  And what's cooler than women empwering women?  I love to feel that sisterhood.  And it was loud and clear today.

So, tomorrow I will try Zumba.
And next week I will try Step Class again.

And maybe, just maybe, I will not worry about how jiggly I am as I chase Wyatt across the beach this summer.

I am obsessed.
It only took a week.
The first day or two is very hard.  NOT eating that candy.  NOT eating those chips.  Eating an APPLE or GRAPEFRUIT instead.  NOT eating after the kids are in bed and my ass is on the couch.  Very, very difficult.
And exercising...  that part is very hard for me.  Because my days are very long and busy and involve little to no sitting down.  I am so tired by the end of the day, working out is completely out of the question.  Wake up super early to go for a run or do some aerobics? 
No.  I am lucky to get up and get the kids out for 8:15 each morning.  No way I can get out before them, actually accomplish something, get back and get the 3 of us out the door for school and whatever errands/activities the day has in store.

But.
I'm doing it.

I am grocery shopping for high fiber, low fat, preservative-free foods.  I am avoiding sweets and eating until I am no longer hungry but not stuffed.  I am getting creative and learning new recipes.  I am using Weight Watchers ideals and ideas with my own twists.
I won't sign up and track and record and be controlled by Weight Watchers.  I resent that, I can't help it.  But the points that the program makes are sensible.


My life is completely revolving around this new routine and that's a good thing.  It's a "lifestyle change", not a "diet".
We joined a health club.  "We" being the 4 of us, we have a family plan that includes all the equipment, the courts, the pool, the classes, the childcare and classes for the kids, as well.
We went this morning and while the kids had a grand old time in the "Youth Activity Center", Jay and I were able to exercise without having to leave one or the other at home or use the kids or the time of day as an excuse.

I had the Stop & Shop trip from hell yesterday.  I was so completely frazzled and on my last nerve by the time I got home that I swore that I would never, ever shop with both kids again.  Not a big shop, anyway - maybe just to Ted's but not a whole week's worth at the S&S.  No way.  I will take one or the other or use Peapod.  Never.  Again.
And when Jay asked me what went so badly, I couldn't really figure it out.
The kids weren't bad.  They were not naughty or rude.  They were really just having a good time.  They're 2 and almost-4. 

They stayed with or at least near me.  They were chasing each other a bit, laughing loudly and while their voices rose a bit too loud a time or two and Wyatt needed to be called back a time or two and I swore the whole store knew both of their names by the time I got through all the aisles, I really couldn't redirect them any more than I did, I couldn't ask them to behave like 24 year olds.  They are 2 and 4 and they were acting like they were 2 and 4.

Normally, I relish that.

On this day, my head was busy with other things, my mood was not the best and the kids were distracting me and I was feeling embarrassed and annoyed.
Why?
Well, I wasn't sure at first.  I figured (and this is probably true) that it was just that kind of day.  I was in a crappy, impatient mood.  It happens.
But then the second part of it comes into play - and this is what this long story is leading up to - there was not a single person in that very crowded grocery store that paused to smile, to give me that eye, that nod of encouragement that moms give moms in public places.
The store was full of grouchy, angry old people.  No one said "excuse me", no one said "I remember those days", not even a simple smile or wink. 
I shop at that grocery store every week.  I know most of the people that work there - at least by face - and I am a friendly, chatty person by nature.  I can drag a smile out of the grumpiest deli counter person and I always make a point of thanking the person that bags my groceries.

I remember laughing at something that Abby said and looking over to the person right next to us in the cracker aisle, looking to share the smile, and she was just scowling. 
Why?  Because my kids were noisy?  Because I laugh at my daughter's precociousness and encourage her independent thought and intelligent wit?  Because while I, of course, wish my son would not crawl like Ana the Anaconda on the floor of Stop & Shop, I understand his 2-year old need to do so and eventually give up trying to keep him clean and prefer to keep him happy and safe rather than stifled and insecure?

I shouldn't say "no one".  One lady laughed at Wyatt for slithering across the back of the store.  She said "he's a boy!  I raised 2!"  That was nice.  It was just too late, I think.

If you're a mom then you know the wink I am referring to.  You know the nod.  It's the telepathic encouragement we give each other when our kids melt down in public places.  It's what helps us as mothers - as women - stay strong and confident.  It's how we support each other's awesomeness as we do the most important, most challenging, most gratifying job on God's great Earth.
It's what we need to remind ourselves and each other of.
 
It's not a competition.  It's not a sprint.  And when you're done, you're never done.
It's a sisterhood, this motherhood gig.
It's a marathon.
And it's a lifelong commitment.  To our children, to each other and to ourselves.

I went to Yoga tonight.
I didn't want to.  Not because I wasn't excited about Yoga but because it starts at 7:30 so I have to go through my entire day - from 7am till 7pm - then get psyched up to change my clothes, freshen up and head out in the dark cold to expend energy I am certain I do not have any more of for an hour.
I was really excited to go, just really tired.
And I was really, really glad I did.
It felt wonderful.
I am more flexible than I expected and Yoga is a lot harder than I expected.
I'm sure I will never want to see video footage of myself doing yoga, but man!  It felt GOOD!


Wyatt has been going "peeps" on the potty.
He does it randomly and tries more often than he succeeds but he really, really loves it.
So - we encourage it, cheer him on and he loves every minute of it.
I bought him some little guys' underwear.  Elmo (& friends) and Thomas (& friends).  He wears them with pride and his little hiney looks so very cute in them!!


Went to my doctor today for my Annual Physical.  I was previously unimpressed with our Family Doctor but today she actually showed some personality.  She smiled and talked about her kids a little.  We talked diet and nutrition, blood pressure's a little high, exercise is key, will follow-up in 6 weeks.
The good news?  My plan (and what I thought was a realistic, albeit difficult goal) was to lose at least 50 pounds in the next 12 months.
According to my doc, with my age, body shape, muscle mass and the fact that I have given birth to 2 children - 35 pounds would be my ideal loss.
THIRTY FIVE sounds a lot EASIER than FIFTY!



So far, 2010 is a fantastic year!

So, we've been here before.  It's the beginning of a new year.  It's a clean slate.  It's the annual "make myself a better person" time!
And yes, I am vowing - once again - to make myself a healthier, THIN person this year.
I signed up for Yoga.
I made a doctor's appointment.
I threw out all the leftover candy.
I perimeter shopped at the grocery store today.
And right now, as I sit here and type, I would really - REALLY - like to be snacking.  But I'm not.
I had a grapefruit and some water.
For dinner we had baked chicken breast, fresh asparagus and rice.


It's little changes, really.  I know that is so cliche but it's true.
I always park far away from the store/school that we are walking into.  Mostly from habit of having to unload 2 kids and a stroller and wanting the space to do that without someone waiting or honking at me.
I have promised that we will no longer eat those boxed or bagged noodles and rice side dishes.  I am more than capable of preparing a healthy side dish or an extra veggie.
I made soup today and - with the help of my new cookbook (thanks, mama!) - will continue to make a soup each week for a healthy lunch or snack.
I also purchased a "diet aid" designed specifically for women.  It's herbal and FDA-approved and all that jazz and while I don't think that coffee ad Dexatrim are the way to go (ah, my early twenties!) this time, I do think that a little boost here in the beginning will help me - both physically and mentally.


Last year I vowed to lose 50 pounds by the end of the year. 
I didn't.
This year I have my physical with the family doc and will ask for a realistic goal and timeline from her.
(Then I will double the loss goal, cut the timeline in half and unrealistically starve myself for a few weeks, give up and gain even more weight.)

I am starting to understand why people drink Decaf.  I have always mocked it but, like most things we mock in our youth, I have come to understand now that a cup of coffee is a nice, comforting, yummy way to wind down.  And caffeine after 4pm doesn't always bode well for a good night's sleep on a weeknight.  I may just have to buy a box of decaf K-cups...  flavored would be perfect.

This morning I showered before school.  Granted, I was able to do it leisurely thanks to a 90-minute delay but still - it started my day off right.
I got the 3 of us up and out, Abby off to school; Wyatt and I to Ted's; back home to make a pot of soup; pick Abby up; head to ManchVegas for some returns; home in time to get Q & K off the bus and home for dinner & bedtime.  Jay made dinner, I cleaned up and put the kids to bed.  And now, here I am.
It felt good.  I felt like I had my shit together.  I might just have to follow through on my big idea to actually set my alarm and get up in the morning before the kids, shower and get dressed and not feel gross and ugly all day, most days.

Wyatt's got a cold.  So does Jay.  I was sick for a few days around Christmas but feel 99% better and Abby didn't get sick (yet).  Let's hope this isn't one of those stick-around-the-house-swapping-from-family-member-to-family-member-type-germs and that it's a simple cold with coughs and snots and aches and then it's gone.

I started sewing yesterday.  I actually only stitched a not-quite-straight line across a baby blanket to make sure I threaded the machine properly.  It felt awesome. 
My first project is to make pillows for the kids with their baby blankets.  I know how to sew with a needle and thread but I want to make at least 2 pillows for each kid and that's a lot of very straight lines so using the machine should be simple and quicker.
After that success is under my belt I am going to make a simple curtain lined with a black-out shade for Wyatt's room.  He only has one window and while I know there is probably more to this idea than I am expecting, it seems simple enough to try out early in my game.
It's worth noting that I am teaching myself how to sew with a brand mew machine that Santa brought me.  So, we'll see how this goes...

Next project for 2010 - Crochet.

Each New Year's Eve, for at least the past 8, we have held the tradition of a quiet - yet decadent - night in.

We sip champagne, eat food normally reserved for cocktail parties and guests and reflect on the year we've had and what we'd love to see in the year to come.
Last night, we changed things up a bit.  For 2 reasons.  The first being that our children are coming to an age where being included matters and the second is that we were able to go out, have a wonderful dinner with our very good friends, but still come home and have our quiet evening after the kids were put to bed.  So we were able to have our cake and eat it too, bascially.
We had a wonderful night.  We cooked lobsters and ate appetizers and sipped champagne at Debbie & Dave's.  (My pregnant friend sipped sparkling cider!)
The kids played and chased the cat.
And we were able to toast in the New Year (even if it was barely 8pm) with our great friends.  We truly enjoy being together - our kids are great friends - and the next year promises to be full of more great memories just like last night's.
Sometimes you are just lucky enough to find people in your life that you really, really like and feel comfortable with and the feeling is mutual.  That is what we have with Deb & Dave, and I felt very lucky to be in their home on that special night.

By the way, here's the picture I was telling you about earlier:

So, here we are on Day One of 2010...

The Kitchen TV (the newest and most welcome member of our family since Wyatt was born!) is on the official New Year's SVU Marathon, the kids have Diego (or Dora) blaring in the living room, I am sipping coffee and I am thinking about my last 12 months.

A lot has happened.  A lot happens every year.

My daughter started school.  That was a biggie.

Wyatt is talking.

Jay's new job, while not technically "new" for 2009, really took off and proved to be a risk that showed reward.

I promised to lose 50 pounds, lost about 12 and gained about 20.  (I'm gonna promise that again, btw.)

We spent a fun, relaxing and family-oriented week in Florida.

We camped with our very good friends for 2 nights.

We spent a cold but very fun weekend in Boston.

Abby took swimming lessons and the first class in what will prove to be a lengthy career in Ballet.

Countless visits, parties, celebrations and gatherings.

This year we have lots of plans, dreams and considerations...  and there is nothing more satisfying than a clean slate and a whole year ahead to live, love and laugh.

Happy New Year!