Dog Days

So here we are, August 11th, and summer is coming to an end.

When I flip through my pictures and memories of the past few weeks it is a blur of sand, salt, seaweed, chlorine, over-priced ice cream pops and suntan lotion.

There was a lot of this:

And several days of this:

Probably too much of this:

Sometimes you gotta throw in a little of this:

Add a bit more of this:

A few afternoons ended like this:

And while it is not over yet, it is starting to get old.  I have to admit it.  As I have said so many times before on this Blog, I appreciate all 4 seasons, and never do I appreciate the next one more than when the current one is coming to a close.

When Spring has sprung, I long for lazy days of beach and pool.
And now, as my bright summer annuals are getting overgrown and under bloomed, my grass is growing slower, my car is sandier than the beach and the kids are so tan that people ask me where they're from...
They get on each other's nerves, which gets on my nerves.
They're bored, I'm bored.
We're ready to get back into our routines.  We've been bouncing, shopping, watching, swimming, sunning, riding, running, visiting, partying, sleeping-over, over-indulging and generally doing nothing productive or useful and enjoying every minute of it.  But we're done.

We want school and weekends and sports and dance and pumpkins, mums, boots and sweaters.  Birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.We're ready.  Because summer will come again, it's good like that.  And I am so ready to organize closets and make handmade Christmas cards, finish that cork garland I have been talking about and maybe even that Kissing Ball I bought all the stuff for 3 Christmases ago...

We have a few more great things on our Summer Bucket List.
Next week we will head down to Ocean Beach in New London.  Summer is not complete without soggy fries and soft-serve ice cream cones.  Abby has it in her mind that she will conquer the "big water slide" this year and Wyatt just really looks forward to the Motorcycles.

The Motorcycle Ride, Ocean Beach Park - 2011

It's a Day-cation, for sure.  One I really look forward to as much as the kids, if not more than them.  Just blogging about it right now has me all revved up thinking about it.  What a great way to spend a summer day.  The boardwalk, the "waves", the white sandy beach and of course, the splash pad.  I can't wait!!

The week after next we'll have a whole week of Daddy-Time.  A whole week off of work to hang with us.  Last year he tried this and Hurricane Irene stopped by.  Assuming we don't have a repeat of 2011, we're really looking forward to spending some quality time.  We'll hit the beach, drive up the shoreline a bit, maybe go see that new Disney movie about the plant-boy.  Eat some good stuff, play some fun things and just send summer off in style.  Beach, pool, firepit, movie nights, popcorn and icecream.

Because, really, without the sand, suntan lotion and tanned bodies - what would the point of summer be?

Too Much Sadness.

I have a wonderful network of friends here in town.  I call them all "mama" because that is what we are, that is what have in common, that is what is at our core.
We are mamas.

Some of us work outside of the home, most of us do not.
The women that I call my mamas do not make that an issue.
The women I call my mamas are the ones that I respect, admire, care for and trust.  They put their families first, they care about our community.  I can ask them to watch my children or grab me a dozen eggs  since they're going to the store anyway.  I don't sweat picking up a cup of coffee or having one picked up for me.  We don't quibble over a lunch tab or who's watched who's kid more often or with shorter notice.
We support each other.  We look out for each other.  We ask for guidance and give advice.
We look forward to our kids growing up together and cherish the moments along the way.
We also drink large quantities of wine together, debate town politics, dish catty bullshit and laugh our asses off.

The past few days have been difficult for my mamas.

The past few days have been incredibly, mind-blowing-ly, miserably depressing.

Within our community, cancer took one of our own.
Just outside of our small community but close enough for the ripples to affect, there was a violent accident involving a 6 year old boy.  He died.
And this past weekend, right here in town, a boating accident has put one of my mama's husbands on life support, with only prayer and hope to offer, we're all feeling completely helpless.

When I heard about the passing of my friend-of-a-friend, I felt sad but also some relief.  She had been very sick for a long time and she had been preparing for the inevitable.
I felt some peace that she was finally out of pain.
And then it occurred to me that, while I was relieved for her relief, I hadn't really considered how much it sucked that she got cancer to begin with.
I knew her pre-cancer, we hung out in the same circle of friends, drank wine and laughed many nights.  But I really got to know her story through her cancer, through that network of support and compassion, I had more to do with her in cancer than in life.
So while I am at peace with her being in Heaven, the grief of her passing hit me a few days later.  She has  twins, a boy and a girl.  They are lucky to have their dad who was on the brink of re-marrying when her diagnosis came.  They will have parents and siblings and a fine life ahead of them.  But they won't have their mom.
That is really fucking sad.

When I read about the little boy who died, I was devastated.  The story gripped me because the boy they showed in the picture was a happy, toothless 6 year-old, one I did not know personally but who looked like every other happy, toothless 6 year-old I know.  He didn't look like a tragic accident.
But his parents lost him, his brother and sister lost him.  He's dead and I am so sorry, I don't think I could feel any sadder for them if I did know them personally.
Then, I found that one of my mamas, one of my nearest and dearest did know him, and his family personally.  Her 6 year-old boy went to pre-school here in our little town, with that little boy.
Then, she shared details of their lives with me, details of that baby's funeral with me, details of his mother's reaction and strength.
She told me about 15 boys in full Boy Scout uniform that carried a tiny casket down the aisle of a church followed by his mother, walking tall and singing proudly about her baby boy's trip to heaven.
Right when I didn't think I could feel any sadder through my whole body, she told me that the mother of that little boy said to her "we will get through this".

When I opened up my MacBook to check my mail after a busy day of domesticity and errand-running on Monday night, I did not expect much more than a Book Club update and to see if a few checks had cleared.  What I got instead was a punch in the gut that I neither expected nor have completely recovered from.
A mama of mine, one of my oldest and favorite-est - her husband was "in a boating accident, is on life support, we don't know any more details."
Now, here is where the magnificence of my small town network comes in.  This news was only hours old and already, 12 of us were on call for childcare, food prep, laundry, house cleaning, car pools and whatever else this mama might need.
That's beautiful, right?
And what's behind that?  Love.  Community.  Support.  Compassion.
All that.
And Fear.
Fear.  Because that family?  They're just like my family.  They are us.
When she kissed her husband goodbye Saturday morning for Opening Day of Fishing in Connecticut, the very last thing on her mind was "this could be it, better make it a good one."
He wasn't going sky diving, or hunting or even Ice Fishing!  He was going out on a lake, in a boat, with his buddy.  I presume he's done this many times before.  I wonder if she even woke up enough to say goodbye.  He probably left really early.  Did she even say good bye?
And now he's got a brain injury.  He's in a medically induced coma because his brain is swelling.  He is completely on Life Support.
And my mama and her beautiful daughters are sitting by his hospital bed, afraid to move.
What's going to happen to him?  Them?  What's next?
No one knows.  No one can help.  They can only wait.  And I am terrified for her.

I know how awful and depressing this blog post is.  I am sorry if I am completely ruining your day.
I don't even have a happy ending.  I have only more questions.
What if that was Jay?  What if he went fishing and hit his head and fell in the water and was in a coma on life support?  What would I do?  Because I know this family - and it could have been us.
That terrifies me.

So, today while the kids were at school I found myself with one of those pleasant afternoons of "nothing to do".  A little perk of having no actual occupation.
I also had no money (another "perk") so I came home after dropping the kids off and swept the floor.  Then I baked some cookies while The Birds was on cable in the kitchen.
It was a very pleasant afternoon.  Wyatt came home with our neighbor so I didn't have to leave for pick-up and Abby came home on the bus.
They loved my cookies (chocolate chunk and pecans in a basic dough - nothing fancy but I had all the ingredients and they really came out great) and with nothing else to do, I sat down to watch tv with them.
An hour later, I woke up and found them both still sitting on me and the clock telling me to start dinner.
After dinner, we read a couple of books and Jay and I tucked the kids in.
Wyatt fell asleep but Abby asked me to snuggle her.
My girl is very intuitive and she can tell that I am a less than happy.  Not that she knows why or how, but it affects her mood, too.  I was happy to oblige so I got into bed with her and we snuggled.  She fell asleep pretty quickly but I stayed.  I was looking out the window of her bedroom watching the wind blow the trees, noticing how green things are getting and just feeling lost.
Then, I sort of focused on the trees and felt a memory.  Do you ever feel a memory so vividly it's almost like an out--of-body experience?
I was remembering her little room with different colors, different curtains and paint...  with a crib and a changing table and rocking chair.
I was rocking my tiny, tiny baby to sleep.  Gently getting out of the rocker with her in my arms, gingerly placing her tiny-ness into her giant crib, desperate not to jostle her or wake her only to have to nurse and rock her back to sleep and repeat the process again.
Some nights I think I did it 2 or 3 times before I escaped her room.
I can remember those nights, feeling trapped, feeling like I would never get her off my boob, never get her to fall asleep on her own, never get out of that room...
And on this night, not wanting to get out.  Wishing for a rocker and a crib...

Life is so precious.  Family, friends, happiness.  It's so precious.

Happy Mother's Day

Today was Mother's Day. 
Not my first but it felt like the most special thus far.

I woke up around 7 to the sound of my husband ushering Abby & Wyatt out of my room so that I could sleep a bit longer.  I am always up by 7 because that is when the children wake up.  Even if they get in bed with me, it usually pushes me out.
They got out, got dressed and went outside to help Daddy open the pool.
May 8th and they were out there pulling the cover off, scooping the leaves out and dumping the chemicals in.
At about 8:20 I rolled out of bed, into the kitchen and poured a big, hot cup of coffee.  While Jay is on the road I usually make a quick Keurig cup and rush out the door.  But when he's home (Mother's Day or not!) he almost always makes a whole pot.  And while the K-Cup is better than Instant and more convenient than making a pot for one person, it is neither big enough nor hot enough to truly satisfy that coffee luxury in the morning.
With my big, steaming cup of coffee I stepped out on the deck.  The trees are filling in with green leaves, the grass is getting borderline long, the fresh mulch is perfect and brown and while there are not a lot of colorful flowers yet, I can see where they're planted and picture how they'll look in a few weeks.  This is the most beautiful time of year because everything is fresh, new, gorgeous and full of anticipation.  What's to come...  warmth, sunshine, playtime, swimming, cold beers on hot nights and relaxation.  (Oh, and the weeds haven't taken over yet!)
Taking it all in, I see the kids running around the yard screeching and laughing.  They're playing with Wyatt's car and just basically giddy for being giddy.  That's the kind of pure joy you wish you could bottle and save for adulthood.  They know nothing of stress or worry, they only know the here and now - and the here and now is awesome.

Jay was playing with the filter, adding chemicals, scooping crap & bugs, doing his best to avoid scary spiders and other heeby-jeebies in the pool storage box.
Maybe it was 60 degrees, the sun was shining but the ground was still wet.  It was a perfect morning.  I might as well have been in a Folgers commercial.

We had brunch reservations at 11:00 so I had no intention of eating at home.  An all-you-can-eat-buffet was about to meet it's match and I wasn't wasting an calories with food I had been staring at for a week.

The Bagen Family at the Hotel Thayer, Mother's Day 1984 or 5, I think.
This is the last time I went to a Mother's Day Buffet Brunch and I still remember it, the chocolate mousse, specifically. 
The mousse, and my disappointment at arrival when I saw "thayer" while hearing "fair" the entire car ride there. 

The kids got dressed in their fancy clothes, I showered and got ready in peace (thank you again, dearest husband) and we were actually out the door on time.

At the Brunch we were joined my in-laws (of whom I took no pictures, let the record show I am so sorry I missed the opportunity to get a picture of them with the kids while everyone was dressed so nicely.  Why didn't anyone remind me?) and my very good friend Jody with Q & K.  You may remember previous references to these friends/neighbors who have become so much more than that over the years.





The food was delicious, the company was delightful and I was so at peace and happy with my life, my decisions, my friends and the people (friends, family & community) that I choose to surround myself with and be a part of my life.

This brings me to my initial point, that this was my best Mother's Day thus far because I spent the majority of it reflecting and truly appreciating what I have in my life.  Not the stuff, the stuff. 

 Sometimes I worry that my kids don't appreciate how fortunate they are, I worry that they don't realize that their daily blessings are not the same for every kid.  Then, on days like today, I realize that while they don't walk around with wings on their backs and halos on their heads, they do hear us and they are learning.  I see their manners, their composure, their innocent sweetness that makes all the sweat and tears disappear and only pure joy fills my heart.  The pure joy I wish I could bottle.

Georgia on my Mind.

Ok, not Georgia, specifically, but a few things.  And who doesn't love that song?  And...  while we're at it, who doesn't love Designing Women with Dixie Carter and that fat woman?  And while we are on topic - who doesn't love a southern accent?

Anyway.
I went to Wal-Mart tonight because our printer was not scanning with our freshly updated Mac software.  The only reason I buy professional pictures is so that I can scan them and give them out as gifts...  and make a gorgeous Collage Poster for myself...  So, I needed to remedy the situation quickly.  Easter is right around the corner and I need creativity time as well as shipping time.
Approximately 5 years ago I picked up a printer/scanner in WalMart for something around $40.  It served us well so I figured I'd try my luck again.  WalMart's prices never disappoint but the store, the people that work in the store and the people that shop there - on Friday nights especially (I find that all the freaks shop on Friday, no matter where you are) - they make me feel dirty.  I need a shower. 
But I got my new Printer/Copier/Scanner/FAX machine and I'm pretty psyched about that.
  "It's pretty cool!"

After I left WalMart I headed out to P-Chop, Price Chopper to the rest of you...  this is part of why I posted on Facebook about feeling "lame".  I try to make it to the chiropractor once a week.  I try to make that appointment at a time where I can leave the kids at home.  Can I bring the kids?  Sure.  Is it a thousand times  more relaxing and therefore, more effective, when I can relax and be on my own?  Yup.
So, it has become a bit of our routine that when Jay is home for the weekend, he has alone time with the kids on Friday night and I have alone time with myself.
It works out beautifully because I can get out without paying a sitter - and I do need it after non-stop one-on-one time Monday through Thursday - and Daddy gets alone time with the kids...  that way he can remember why flying on 4 planes every week, week after week, really isn't all that bad.
I kid, I kid.

Anyway.
I went to the chiropractor and then to WalMart and then to the grocery store.
And I loved it.  I find alone-grocery-shopping very relaxing.  It's using that "buy-high" properly, really.
Leading up to that FB post, I was feeling a little insecure about this simple act that brings me such joy.  But after posting it and hearing back from so many of my mama friends that they, too, recognize their lame-ness, and texting with one particular Love, I realized something.
A few things, really...

1.  This stay-at-home-mom gig can be very isolating, very lonely at times.  Connecting through Facebook, Text and Twitter keeps me from letting myself go completely.  I shave my legs and wax my upper lip on a regular basis even though I rarely see anyone that would notice or care.
2.  I have a lot of mama-friends that I like a lot.  My day-to-day is full of social activities for me and the kids that make us happy.  I love living in this town and staying involved.
3.  When I am not best friends with every single one of those mama-friends, (sometimes I don't even actually like all of them!) I need only spend a moment alone with myself to remind myself that I have a short list of very good, loving and fabulous friends that make it all worthwhile. 
Friends that love me for me - faults and fabulous - and I feel the same way about them.

The older we get, the more time and treasure we harvest with those friends.  I love that.  I love that my kids have best friends that live outside of our zip code.  Growing up, my parents didn't hold onto many friendships and I can't even count on one hand who my friends were that weren't from school or Shore Drive.  I admire the kids that could, and still do - and I am so happy that we are providing that kind of childhood for our kids.  And without trying to...  it's just how we roll.  That makes it even better.

Treasure your day to day. 

Big Debate...

The issue around here is when we have the money, which car will we buy?
The "I admit it, I care what people say about me" side of me thinks:  Acura MDX.  This car kicks ass at Pick-up at school.  I admit it.
The "which one has more room with best fuel economy & monthly payment for a 5 year finance purchase", ie - " the one I will actually buy" side of me is torn between two equally loved & trusted brands of the Honda Pilot & the Chevy Tahoe.
The Tahoe is a lot bigger (read: harder to park at the mall at Christmas time!) and the Pilot is a Honda (read: great mileage & love/trust of younger years bleed over).
I don't know.  What do you think?

I know this:
1.  I am not a MiniVan Mama.  Never thought I was, with my kids at 3 & 5, I know for sure now, I'm not.  I am just too cool.  Sorry, mini-van mamas - I make fun of you.

2.  I need the room to take a friend or two along with us.  I never thought I'd cave to the pressure.  I thought I'd always prefer my low-to-the-ground, cool-car-driving ways while Jay prefers the truck/SUV way.
I admit it - I would much prefer to drive an SUV.  I want to be able to bring a kid along for each of my own.  And maybe their mom, too.
They are social creatures, these babies...  and I resent not being able to reciprocate the offers from all the dorky Mini-Van mamas.

This may be what the Bu looks like some days, but that doesn't make it any more legal that it's not...

Bounce U

Today we spent 90 minutes bouncing, climbing, screaming and getting crazy. 
Bounce U in Rocky Hill just might be Wyatt's Wonderland.
This first video is one of the first trips down "the big slide".  This is the slide that Abby was insisting to us the night before that should "not go down without holding Mommy's hand", she would "not go down alone".

Wyatt had no such reservations.

A nice big group slide.  All of my pictures were coming out either blurry or snapping too late
(they were flying!) so I had to switch to video.

 

And in this last video, you can hear Wyatt scream as he approaches and shriek all the way down the slide.  This one sums up his day pretty well.

And here are my blurry - but very cute & fun - pictures.  I took about 80, these are the best I got!

Tiny feet ran/climbed up those stairs as fast as they flew down the slide.  In a herd.

Oh Yeah.  I got in there.
(This was the super high slide, they needed help getting up, I needed to get back down!)

Crazy's kickin' in here...

Wyatt with his first true love, Taylor.  They hop around and screech and hug when they see each other.

These are the days that eliminate the bad ones.  These are the days that make me question if I've ever even had a bad one.  It is all soooo good.


{Love you, babe.  Thanks for doing what you do so that I can do what we do.}

This Memory Monday is dedicated my friend, Debbie.

I can see Deb & I sitting at a local watering hole with cold drinks, lightly buzzed, bumming cigarettes from young rednecks when we're about 75.

This was still early in the evening!

If we sell 131 and leave The Heights, Debbie will the #1 thing I will miss.  

She lives in my backyard, our boys are days apart and our friendship lives beyond play dates and pedicures.  

It spills into our home life, our deep conversations, our deeper secrets and our undying affection and adoration for each other.

Our husbands like each other, and not just in the "our wives are friends so we tolerate each other" sort of way that husbands so often handle those forced social situations.

Deb took this pic of Jay, myself and her hubby, Dave as we were Trick or Treating last year.

 I have lots of "friends" in town, but they are "playdate friends".  We can talk for hours, have everything in common but no real loyalty or bond - when our kids move on, so will we.  With Debbie & I, it's like a bonus that our kids play so well.  Our friendship comes first.

Last summer, one of many nights that our husbands didn't bother to wait up!

Debbie's on my mind a lot lately because she's pregnant, due at the end of this month and it has not been an easy time.  She's sick, she's tired, she's stressed and worried and everything else that we've all felt as we experienced Baby #2.  But Debbie has felt it more.  And while I have done everything I can (I think, I hope, I'm pretty sure) to be her friend through what has been a very difficult time, I am anxious for her pregnancy to be over and for her to get back to being herself.

Pregnancy can wreck you as a woman before becoming a mother builds you back up to a million times more than you ever thought you could be.

So, here's to my friend.

Here's to one of the best mamas on the planet - whether she realizes it every day or not.

Here's to one woman without whom I would be lost in my every-day.

I cannot wait to see You see what a wonderful woman, mother and friend you are, Again.

I love you.

On Sunday we gathered with some of our closest friends and family to celebrate Jay's college graduation.  I think I covered my sentiment when he and I celebrated a couple of weeks back, so I will spare you that again.

I do want to add, though, that my mother-in-law said it best when she congratulated Jay on completing his commitment, regardless of how many years it took, with his own hardwork and determination at a time in his life that made it far more difficult than had he whipped it out in his late teens/early twenties.  I mean, seriously, it's not like the guy had nothing else to do this time around.
Anyway.
Jay covered his sentiment very well in his post, which also included pictures, so I'll skip those as well.

Whenever we host a birthday party or a barbecue at the house, I am always overwhelmed with the hosting.  I tend toward the side of...  well, bitch...  in my quest to make the perfect party.  I am difficult to deal with in the days leading up to the event and I am often too busy during the party to really sit back and enjoy our guests.
I'm working on that and I do think that I (we) throw a really great party, but this time I decided to step away from the grueling and step up to the simple, check-writing type of party hosting that included choosing a menu, writing a check and sitting back to enjoy the event with everyone else.
The fact is, if you tally up the trip to the package store, the multiple trips to the grocery stores and party store - add time for clean up and set up - hosting at a facility (assuming it's a nice one that has a great atmosphere and delicious food like Blackledge does!) is close in price and far easier on the hosts.

Jay and I were able to mingle.  The kids were contained and had plenty of room to run and play.  There were no dogs to worry about or for Uncle Mike to be allergic to.
There were plenty of chairs, plenty of food - all served at the same time and hot!
We didn't have to make or buy ice and no one had to bring anything but their lovely selves.

Having a party at a place is not a replacement to hosting in the comfort of your home.  I love having everyone in the house.  I love the warmth I feel, love the pride.  But this was a lovely break.
And everyone had a great time.  It wasn't stuffy or uncomfortable.  Erik, the Banquet Manager at Blackledge, was on top of every detail without being annoying or demanding.  He was laid back enough to keep things light but he didn't miss a thing.

The main reason I wanted to revisit Sunday's festivities is to thank our friends and family.  As I sat down to eat with my family (imagine that!  at a party I was hosting!) I looked around at the collection of people in the room.  I kept it "small" because it was a Sunday, Jay didn't want "a big deal" and it's either "small" or "huge" with our families.  So, I kept it to immediate family, best friends and local extended's...  which basically means we had 30 adults plus kids instead of 50.  Real small, right?  And "plus kids" adds 10 - 5 of which were 2 year old boys, how cute is that?!
So, as I was looking around, I realized that the room held the most important people in my life (save for a few, obviously).  The room was so full of love, friendship and peace, it was truly awesome.  We have a great family.  I am so grateful to our parents for their support and friendship.  I am so proud of my relationship with my sister(s) and her family.  I really can't imagine hosting something that the Considines were not a part of.  It would feel incomplete. 

And our friends.  Our friends are amazing.  It's not common to find people in your adult life that you're not related and that you love and love you, that you can be yourself with, you can be honest and not have to put anything "on" to spend time with. 
And we are so very blessed with several. 
Our friendships span years (decades!).  So many life experiences (too many to list).  Our kids will grow up like cousins (kissing cousins, no doubt!) and the memories we make and the great times we have together are absolutely priceless. 
Let this be my big, fat Thank You.  You know who you are. 
Please know that we love and appreciate you all so much and look forward to growing old together and watching our kids grow together. 
Cheers!

When we first bought this house, I was amazed at the enormous closets, the hardwood floors, the fireplace, the 5+acres, the laundry-off-the-kitchen, the huge finished basement, the 2-car garage.  I felt like we hit the jackpot.  We got a great house, in a great neighborhood, for a great price.
We are so far set back that we weren't worried about being bothered.  Weren't worried about the dogs' craziness being an issue.  We loved that we had this house, in this neighborhood but were able to maintain our privacy and keep to ourselves.

Now, 6 years and 2 kids later, our needs have changed.
We actually have a desire to be involved in our neighborhood and community, with our kids' friends' families and school activities.  A difficult desire to fulfill while living 325 feet down the hill from this "Desirable Neighborhood" we occupy.
We can't see anyone or be seen.
We feel isolated and uninvolved.  Our property is large and beautiful.  And if it were flat we might go out and play some ball on it or teach our daughter how to ride a bike on it.

I had an epiphany the other day when my friend was talking about replacing her carpet with a wood laminate in her basement.   I suggested avoiding "Pergo" and opting for a lesser brand for price reasons.  She rebuked my advice even after I reminded her of the 2 basements I had floored in my homeowner-ship stating "I'm in this house forever. I'm not cutting corners, I am never leaving."
Rather than snort and roll my eyes I felt sad.  I have yet to feel that way about a house.

I want to feel that way about my home. 

I want to "wait" on a project until we have enough time and money to do it "right" rather than rush through it or cancel it, hoping to find what I want in "the next house".
I want to plant perennials and trees that actually mature while I'm around rather than wonder about stuff I planted years later.
I want to invest in White Resin Picket Fence rather than Natural Wood because "who gives a shit about 5 years from now".
I want the house that my nieces and nephews will know the smell and feel of when they visit, like a second home, consistent and comfortable, like 28th Ave was for us growing up.
I want my kids to have "the house they grew up in", one home for all of our memories and traditions to live.  A place to come home to.  After school, after vacation, after dates and home from college on breaks.
I want to plant roots in a small, country town with integrity and character.  I want real community and school pride because our inevitable move is no longer in the back of my mind at the Board of Ed meetings.

My next house does not need to be a McMansion.  It does not have to be new construction.
It has to have good bones.

Because our next house is going to be our home.  We will find The One this time.  And when our needs or wants change, let their be room for growth and change within our home because I won't move again until we downsize as Empty-Nesters.  (And chase our children to wherever they end up because I can't stand to be away from them more than an overnight never mind let them leave me forever!)

Rachel got married yesterday.

I know it's blurry but this is Rachel and her husband, Angelo and the other picture is my kids - completely mesmerized by the Bride and Groom's first dance.  They were totally awestruck.

This was my kids' first wedding.  They were beyond excited.  

I don't think they had any idea what it would entail but they knew that mommy & daddy had gone to a few without them and that they were included in this one was a thrilling adventure.

I love that it was Rachel's wedding that they saw their first bride, their first groom, their first wedding cake, their first dance floor with loud music.  They loved every minute of it.

When we sat down in the church (the packed-standing-room-only-church that was about 400 degrees) Abby was perfectly up straight, hands in lap, waiting patiently.  Wyatt was hopping from my lap to Granbear's lap and stage-whispering "Where's Wachel?  I can't see Wachel!"

They sat still for about half the ceremony and we went to the back of the church with about a dozen other little kids and crying infants for the last half.

It was beautiful and meaningful and all that, but kids in hot churches aren't always the best pew-mates.

Rachel was a beautiful bride.  Absolutely stunning, really.  

And how many people do we say that about and actually mean it?  

A beautiful bride is a beautiful bride.  

You take a pretty girl and dress her to the nines, mix in some bliss and voila - a beautiful bride.

But Rachel is an absolutely beautiful woman in jeans, t-shirt and no makeup.  

She doesn't even need to shower to look hot.

So, add a bridal gown that accentuated her amazing body, throw some makeup on an already ravishing face and add in the most joy I have ever seen in that woman's face - and voila - a beautiful bride like you have never witnessed.

Compounded by the fact that Rachel was still Rachel, not a Bridezilla.

She laughed at herself and her father and her groom on the altar.  She welcomed and loved, hugged and was genuinely thrilled to see every single person at the wedding.  

She was herself, magnified.  She was magnificent.

And her groom wasn't too shabby, either.  He is a very handsome guy, a very loving guy and he, too, was surrounded by his loving, doting family and friends.  

And considering the two have known each other his entire life, the whole party was basically a family reunion of friends, family and every person that they love.

We were seated with some high school friends.  Women that I see now and then at showers, weddings and the like.  I always love to see them, we always have a great time and last night we joked that we'd see each other "next year at Rachel's Baby Shower". 

That may or may not come to fruition but it's fun to think about.

The other thing that our table and some others (there were close to 300 people there at my estimation) made me think of is this - Rachel is a good friend.  She has good friends.  

Friends that came from far and near to celebrate her day with her.  Friends that absolutely love and adore her.  

And the reason is that she gives of herself, everything she has and is, without asking for anything in return.  

She has character.  Integrity.  She is forgiving, understanding and loyal.  

Rachel epitomizes Grace.

And as I watched her become Mrs. Sarna yesterday, I cried.

I cried because in the 20+ years we have been friends, we have seen so much.  We have seen each other through so many experiences.  The ups and downs, the joy and pain of our lives as young women.  

And now, I see my friend with a man that loves her so much.  A man that will protect her, comfort her and love her as unconditionally as she will love him back.  

I am grateful to Angelo for that.  

Congratulations.

Sometimes, some people just have a way about them that gets under your skin.

They say you can't be annoyed or can't dislike or can't be utterly and exhausting-ly disgusted unless you actually, deep down somewhere, care about the person.  If you didn't care, you wouldn't...  care.  Right?

I guess that makes sense.  Often, I find myself wishing so hard that I did not, in fact, care.  I wish so badly that I was able to ignore, rise above and carry on - as I have become so good at advising others to do.

You know the saying "you get more flies with honey"?  Well, I don't know about that.  Because these negative forces in my life, they certainly occupy a lot of space in my head sometimes. 

Is it arrogance on my part?  My absolute disbelief that I could be so disliked? 
Is it insecurity?  My unending desire to be liked by everyone? 
Is it my need for acceptance and approval?

Is any of that so different from everyone else?

I used to think so.  I used to think I was creepy and insecure and I kept those sorts of thoughts to myself.  As I get older, though, I realize that everyone is creepy and insecure to a degree.  We all want to be accepted and loved.

So, when I find myself at the receiving end of the sort of negativity, passive-aggression or utter rudeness, I feel hurt.  Then I feel angry.  Then I go numb.
Then, I mistake the numbness for the previously discussed "not caring" and feel like I'm finally over something.
Then, WHAM.  The cycle begins again.
I feel like Suart Smalley sometimes.

But, it will pass.  I will remind myself of the blessings in my life.  I will busy myself with the joys of my day-to-day.  And I will find myself surrounded by loving, supportive, fun, exciting, caring, understanding, enjoyable people - the friends and family that I choose to surround myself with because I love them and I know that they love me.  They accept me.  They care about me.  And in order to do that, you have to start with yourself.  So, I remind myself again...

I feel fat and bloated today so I am not weighing myself.
I know that goes against my March Vow but I will weigh in tomorrow and call it even.
My first Wednesday was a -3, my 2nd was a -2.  This one might be flat or -1 so I'd rather feel better before I see the result.  And tomorrow will be better.  Today is Wednesday, the official lazy day, and I haven't showered, I had PB&J with Cheez Doodles for break/lunch and I'm packing and doing laundry and random household chores.
Tomorrow, I will shower, get dressed and have a prettier day.  And even if I gained weight, I'll feel ok about it.

Spring is so close.  Today I plan to rake out the small garden right out front.  There is stuff popping up and ornamental grass that needs to be cut back and prepped for new growth.
I also think it's time ot put the Cozy Coupe outside.  With his October birthday, Wyatt had the luxury of riding this thing around the house all winter but I think it's time.

Now, as far as the packing topic - I have been filling boxes as I find them.  The beginning stages of packing are so easy.  You don't need every book on your bookshelf or every picture on the wall, so you wrap 'em and pack 'em.  Me, I can't move fast enough.  I love putting things away.  But I'm not buying boxes so I can only move as quickly as my friends drop boxes off.
As far as moving goes, where should we go?  What are the pros and cons of staying in our town?  What would be the pros and cons of starting over?
I haven't been shy about expressing my love for this town to anyone and everyone, specifically my husband who holds no particular attachment here.
My second choice (and about the only other town we agree on) is in MA.  We agree that the town that our good friends are currently occupying is the only one that compares with ours with convenience, quality of living, distance to our families and general awesomeness.

This town is considerably farther from my family but all highway so while it will be al ong drive, it will be an easy one to make.
It's a little farther from my CT-family, too but not too far, it shouldn't be an issue.  (I secretly discussed it with my mother-in-law!)

Decisions, decisions...  only time (and the CT & MA MLS) will tell!!

I am totally swiping this idea from a friend, but it suits my mood - and while I've done it before, I don't think I've done it this well!
Loved her post today!!

Things that make me feel happy:

• getting Abby to school on time, with breakfast in her belly.
• hearing Abby & Wyatt playing together.  Even when laughter turns to tears or screeching, it's still awesome.
• my mom-friends.  Far & Near, they make me feel normal and grounded...  even when I am pretty sure I am insane and flighty.
• having the cabinets & fridge full of food that everyone likes, the laundry done & put away and the house clean.  All at the same time.
• exercising.  I would never have thought that, but getting sweaty and feeling strong leaves me feeling very happy and confident.  
• the sound of my husband's footsteps coming towards me, be it up the stairs or down the hall - I love to know he's on his way.
• shopping.  I know, it's so cliche but it's really true.  Buying stuff makes me happy.
• packing and organizing.  labeling.  throwing stuff out.  giving stuff away.  It's all the same, it's very therapeutic.
• feeling understood.
• eating.  
• sitting on the couch, watching tv, doing nothing.
• drinking coffee.
• Easter.  Not only because of Spring and NYC and family but because of what Easter is, what it means.  It is an awesome celebration.
• Book Club.
• House Hunting.
• Yoga.

There's probably more and I may do these more often...  Life is Good.

Finally made it to New York yesterday and met Baby Caleb and Baby Isaac.  Caleb is my BFF's new guy and Isaac is her little sister's first baby.

As you might imagine, they are both adorable.

Check out Isaac, easily one of the happiest babies I have ever met - and look at that great hair!

When we first arrived, Caleb was asleep so I just picked him up from his warm, comfy spot and let him sleep on me for a while.  I think we both preferred it that way.  He is still all curled up, arms and legs bent in, fat, warm head all wrinkly and soft - he smells so good like only a new, breastfed baby smells.  He is absolutely beautiful.

His big brother is as happy and adorable as ever - I couldn't believe all the words he has now.  Turns out, we hadn't seen eachother since Wyatt's birthday in October so that is a lot of time for a little guy, lots of stuff happens in a few months when your barely 2 years old.

Here is Baby Caleb with Abby.  She couldn't wait to hold him.

 

 

And here are the three "big kids" watching "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", pretending they were in the movie theatre:

 

When we left Aunt Belle's, we headed up to my sister's for a quick visit and dinner.  I love my sister.  I love spending some time with my nieces, getting a little QT in the middle of the week like that.  No pressure, no event, no nonsense - just some pizza, some play time and time for jammies & hit the road!

I spent a few minutes teaching Kathleen the notes on the piano and I think she got it.  But - and I can't imagine where she got this from - her distaste for things she's not already the best at made it a pretty short lesson.

It's amazing to me that my sister's kids are going to be 9 & 7 this year.  That's old - that's not "baby" anymore...  that's grade-school-big-kid stuff!  Where the heck does the time go?  I don't care how cliche that sounds - there's a reason people say it all the time!

Another thing that I truly love about going to NY for the day is coming home.  Not because I love Connecticut, Hebron and 131 so much.  I do, but that's not what I mean.  I love the drive home.

I love putting the kids in their jammies, buckling them in to their seats cozy with their "car blankies" and Lambie & Woobie.  I love listening to the Love Songs at night, first on 100.7 in NY and then on 100.5 in CT.

I enjoy the quiet time.  

Sometimes Abby will surpirse me and chatter all, or most of, the way home but last night she didn't make it more than a few exits on 84.

So, I am left with the hum of the road, quiet music and my thoughts.  And that's nice.

I can reflect on my visits.  I try to squash the guilt I feel about coming out to NY and not seeing Auntie Eleanor or Gramma.  Both are in "homes" and both deserve and would love a visit.  I don't have an excuse, so I have guilt.

I reflect on my days of growing up, going to school, living and working in NY.

I compare myself from then to now.

All in all, yesterday was a great day.  I am grateful for my best friend of more than 20 years.  I am thankful for her family (I was happy to see her Dad and brother, too, in addition to Jess).  I am so grateful for my big sister and her girlies.  And I am so grateful to have my Love here at home - supportive and understanding of our absence while we visit, waiting for and missing us at our return.

Just over 3 weeks ago my BFF had another baby boy.  Once again, she was a trooper and pushed that little man out with no epidural.  This is an amazing thing to me.  As it should be to you.
Speaking as a woman that couldn't make it beyond 4 centimeters without caving and begging for drugs, seeing my tiny friend squeeze 2 fat boys out with no more than moral support and the stubborn will that God graced her with pretty much blows my mind.
I have a lot of opinions on the whole "second baby" thing.  The way people treat you when you're pregnant "again" versus the first time around.  The way people treat the new birth.  The way people treat the first baby once the second baby arrives.  And one day, I might blog my opinions on these topics.  If you are a mother (or maybe a father) of more than one child, I am sure you have your thoughts on the topic and I am not in the mood to be controversial at this time.
My point is this - it's been over three weeks and despite three attempts, I still haven't gotten out to NY to see my new little love.  I am so sad that I haven't held him, smelled him, hugged my friend and looked her in the eye to tell her how proud I am of her.
I already love him - I have since the day her #1 told me that there was a baby in his mama's belly, in my parents' yard on my birthday.
I'll get there and I know she understands.  But I can't help but think that she feels the same tinge of sadness that I do for having missed our visits thus far.
This is the only picture I have so far, but it says it the best, I think:  A loving, devoted mama with her boys.  I don't think I need to say more.  Just look:

 

In other news...
It's worth noting that my husband has reinvented his website into his own Blog.  He has noted what a therapeutic effect it has on me and thought that, perhaps, he would try his hand at blogging.
He thinks that he has nothing to say,  I said that he has plenty to say, he just doesn't care what other people think of it.
He thinks he's not funny.  I think he's hilarious and his writing style is very much the way he speaks.  Dry sarcasm mixed with witty intelligence.
Don't trust me on this.  After all, he is the smartest, handsomest, funniest man in the world as far as I'm concerned.  Go check him out.  It's still new, he hasn't been writing it for more than a few days, so - Congratulations - you'll be in on the ground floor.

Tonight we headed up to 10P.  It was time for the Quarterly and that is a guaranteed night of good friends, good food and fabulous conversation.
{As well as a fair amount of off-color humor, sarcasm, foul language and raucous laughter.}

The six of us have been hanging out for several years now and our bond has grown tighter as the years have passed.
We've seen love, marriage, divorce, miscarriages and births.
We've moved and moved again.
We've changed jobs and changed careers.
Through many hours of conversation we have learned that while we are 6 very different people, we are very much the same.
Life is not always how you plan it, life is not always how you want it but life is always a gift.
And friendship like this is the cherry on top.

And that is something we gratefully share with these guys:

Our Kiddos:

Timmy, Matthew, Wyatt and Abby with her new "best friend", Baby Gabriella.

Merry Christmas!

We kicked things off with "Christmas Eve's Eve" - it's a fun way to rev up to the big day.

Auntie Dink and Uncle Thomas sent some totally fun Play-Doh toys that both kids totally loved!

I was able to talk them down that night but we spent a good part of

the following morning elbow deep in spaghetti and ice cream!

Christmas Eve was a quiet day. 

We had a fun morning of playtime and just hanging out.

Mommy was a bit under the weather so I napped when Wyatt napped

while Abby & Daddy prepared our Christmas Eve Feast:

Prime Rib, Spiral Potatoes and spinach!

We took the kids to church and it was really a wonderful, wonderful night.

It's hard to put into words but the feeling was there. 

Christmas, as a family, celebrating our Lord, celebrating with each other. 

It was truly perfect.

When we got home, we put out cookies & eggnog for Santa, tucked the kids in and waited for Santa.

Santa did not disappoint.

Jay and I were up at 6am (me with my ridiculously painful head cold, him with a sick wife).

The kids didn't wake up till almost 8:00!!

That was ok, though, the anticipation was fun for us and being able to enjoy a cup of hot coffee before the circus started was an added bonus.

Barbies, Matchbox cars, Choo-Choos, Polly Pockets and...  of course...

The Barbie Dream Town House!

Daddy finally got his "Kitchen TV" and Mommy's enjoying her new Keurig and gearing up to make her new sewing machine earn it's keep!

There is no "one thing" for me to mention about Christmas 2009.  It was "the best yet" as each year is.  As the kids get bigger, they get more excited, which makes it more exciting.

It also makes it more important that we remind/teach them about why we celebrate Christmas. 

It's not about Santa or lists or toys. 

It's about Joy and Peace and Faith and Celebration of our Lord.

It's about Family and Friends and Charity and Love.