Does Anyone Else See Spots?

This has been a very mild winter.
Yes, we got slammed by Irene in August and then again by Alfred 8 weeks later...  but I am feeling light-headed because I feel like I have been holding my breath for 3 months.

We're in Florida right now and the weather is...  mild.  Not too hot, not cold.  I haven't been sweating and dying to jump into the pool.  I have been enjoying the warm sun without the need for a quick cool-down.
We have been swimming, we have been int he Gulf and the pool.
So, not too-too hot, but not so cool that we can't swim and wear sundresses.

The kids and I spent 2 nights at Grammy's.  Thursday we headed to the Orlando International Hyatt to meet Jay.  We spent the evening strolling the mall/airport and the next day we spent at the Roof Pool.  That was cool.
Friday afternoon we checked into our timeshare/condo for the week.
Saturday was spent visiting with good friends of ours that live down here.

And Sunday...  we headed to Disneyworld!!
Sunday at Disney was - By Far - the greatest day of our vacation.
Color me brainwashed.  Call me a stereotype.  Put the Mickey ears on...  we loved it.  Every ride, every character, every employee, every sight and experience...  it blew away my expectations.  Every single bit was so much better than I expected it to be.
I cried at least a half dozen times, for various reasons.  Overwhelmed.  It was awesome.

This morning we decided we had had enough "Cow Country" and headed for the Gulf.  We spent the day at the beach, the pool and then - out to dinner with Grammy.
We're in a Marriott now and Life.  Is.  Good.  I do love a Marriott.

We'll head home tomorrow night.  It's been a wonderful week+ and I am feeling so blessed and so happy and so content and warm & fuzzy and happy....
And full.
Fat, really...

I am so happy that there is absolutely no food in my house right now...  So ready for a clean slate, fresh start and a healthy turnaround...
Fresh, healthy, fat-free, sugar-free, exercise-packed lifestyle.  Because if you put aside all the happy, mushy, "we're so fortunate" crap from the week, a definite takeaway is this:
I cannot take this fat ass into summer.  I will not.

I'm Coming Out

Remember that commercial?
I'm comin' out, I want the world to know...
I cringed every time those bellies sang.


If my belly could talk, it would look like this:

I have had "someone-might-see-my-belly"-itis for years now and I am tired of it.
When I nursed Abby & Wyatt, I covered up.  Not because I didn't want someone to see my boob, not because I was ashamed or private...  because I knew that lurking right under the glorious act of feeding my child was my nasty fat roll.   And catching a glimpse of a fat roll under a t-shirt is one thing but blatantly seeing a woman's fat, white gut is just gross.  I don't even like looking at it myself, never mind sitting in a cuddly position with my lovey little baby knowing that my blubber is hanging out for all the world to see.
I don't like seeing another woman's fat rolls, either.  I do, however, enjoy a nice, tight stomach on a woman.  Not in a sexual way, more in a "cute shoes, where'd ya get 'em" way.  I want that belly.  I want the belly that has no problem changing it's shirt in front of people.  I want the belly that doesn't mind if it's t-shirt flies up in the middle of Yoga or while jumping rope in Cardio.
I'd like a belly that I am not able to pick up in my hands.  Seriously.  We're beyond pinching an inch here, people.

So, yes, I am still watching what I eat and working out at the gym.  I will forever watch my caloric and fat grams intakes and weigh myself on Fridays more religiously than I attend church.
But I am working more and more Abs into my routines.  Working my abs has become my current obsession and I swear, I can already see and feel results.  Exercise is amazing, isn't it?

I had 2 C-sections.  Prior to my children being born I was not exactly flaunting a waistline gem or piercing anything other than my ears.
But after having 2 c-sections where all of your abdominal muscles are literally sliced in half to be able to reach the uterus and remove the baby, it makes regaining strength and having a gut to be proud of that much harder.
I am not planning to buy a bikini in my thirties after not even being able to wear one in my teens but I wouldn't mind having a Tankini option where I would not have to worry about the top floating up and my belly hanging down.
So, I'm working on it.

Once in my life I remember having a belly that I was ok with.  Granted, that was a particularly dark period of low self esteem where drinking to excess & puking replaced eating & digesting.  That combined with an average sized growth spurt for a 15-year old girl made me about as long and lean as I have ever been.
And while I often remember those days of cheap beers and camp fires fondly, it was not the healthiest way to drop the excess baggage.

So, maybe this summer, I'm coming out.  Or at least, maybe, a little bit of shy peeking around the corner...

I haven't blogged in a while and I have a lot on my mind.

First of all - I find "The Fresh Beat Band" beyond irritating.  I used to think Max & Rub were anoying.  Well, they could move in, frankly, if it meant I never had to hear or see the corny, campy freakishness of the former-Jumparounds.

I have not weighed myself in 2 weeks because 2 weeks ago I weighed myself and found myself "broken through".  At my heaviest, around Thanksgiving from my estimation, 2009 - I weighed upwards of 230.  I don't know specifically because I was too depressed to weigh myself, nevermind attempt to lose it.  But since then I have begun to exercise regularly (work out, even!), eat well, all but eliminate meat from my diet and visit with my doctor on a regular basis to keep an eye on my cholesterol, heart and blood - a lot can happen to your body when you're not paying attention.  And while it is very easy to find lots of reasons (read - excuses) for those things, the bottom line is this:  if you don't take care of your body (and mind, but that's not this topic) it will fall apart.  You have to be aware of what you consume, how often you consume it and how you burn the fuel you have chosen to consume.  It's so simple it's stupid.  There is no magic bullet.  Being healthy is hard work but oh, so worth it.  I have never felt better - body or mind.
Anyway, 2 weeks ago I weighed in at 199.
This is a major breakthrough for me.  One I was not sure if I was going to share publicly - but the support and feedback I received thought Twitter and Facebook made me realize that I am SO not alone.  There are so many women my age (and men) out there that had their fatbacks creep up on them in their 30s.  I want to help.  I want to inspire.  I want to share so that no one feels like they are the fattest, grossest, ugliest person out there.  You're not.  Nor was I.  But I feel better that it is behind me.
And I still have about 20 pounds to lose before Christmas to reach my 50 lbs for the year, but I feel so close to that.  Like, I have the formula, I just have to maintain the discipline.
I will get on the scale this coming Friday and set a goal for August 1st.  My goals have to be smaller, I can't drop 10 pounds a month - I am building muscle and frankly, the first 20 pounds are always the easiest.

Today is Independence Day, July 4th, The 4th of July.  I love today.  It truly kicks off summer.  We have at least 1, possibly 2 Beach days planned this week and 1 each week for the next few weeks.  Plus playdates, pool time, swimming lessons and perhaps an over-nighter at my parents' house.
Today we head to my In-Law's and I'm really looking forward to it.  It's been a while since the whole family has been together and with a few of us heading north and south after this weekend, it will be really nice to just float in the pool, have a few drinks and lots of laughs together.

When I was a kid I remember waking up beyond excited for 4th of July Fireworks.  I heard on the news this morning that more than 15% of all fireworks-related accidents are from Sparklers.  And yet, when I was as small as my own kids are now, I can remember walking around the beach pretending to smoke those things.
Those were the good old days...  We'd swim all day, eat from the big grills that the Dads were working up near the horse-shoe pits.  And the Dads would be at the beach, not just the moms!
Then, around 5 we'd head home, put on dry clothes and get right back on our bikes and go back to the beach for more grilled dinner, bug spray, games of tag and while our parents drank Vodka & Tonics, we'd suck down store-brand soda and wait for it to be dark enough for the fireworks to start.
All the kids would have to stay on the grass, no one but the fathers were allowed in the sand.
Mr. Henry, Mr. McKee, Mr. Chiaro, Frankie, Mr, Clarke, Mr. Rice, my Dad - whoever - would dig deep holes, set up buckets of water and light off fireworks that are definitely illegal now and may have been back then, too.
Lightshows you would pay admission for these days.  The smell was fantastic and you could barely see your hand in front of your face for all the smoke in the air.
Good Times.
Great, Awesome, Priceless childhood memories.

God Bless the USA.

I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but Wyatt has been going on the potty like a pro.
We decided that Memorial Weekend was his weekend.  He could be naked at home for 3 straight days and if you've ever potty trained a kid, you know that naked time is essential.  He loves going on the potty.  He loves to wear his big boy undies and he loves to be like his big sister.  So, the planets aligned this weekend and away we went!
Today is Thursday and he is diaper-free and happy to announce his needs.  We'll see how he does as the day wears on and he eventually has to go poop.  But, I'm pretty optimistic.  He's already pooped on the potty a few times without me forcing the issue.  It's just a matter of staying on top of him an reminding him.

I am not going to make my weight goal by my birthday as I had planned back in April.  I was hoping to lose about 10 more pounds than I actually did.  And I won't be losing 10 pounds in less than 2 weeks.  So, I have to take solace in that, even though my lbs are not melting off as quickly as I wish they would, my body is definitely getting slimmer.  I need to shop, I can't wear most of my clothes and I have started giving them away.  I'm all about drawstrings and babydoll dresses right now.  Sort of ironic.  The clothes I wore to mask early pregnancy are the same type I need right now.
I may make my new goals more fitness oriented and less lb oriented.  Although I won't be forgetting all about the scale (wish I could but it's not that simple) I am going to simplify my weight goals and amp up my fitness goals.
I am in the process of making a workout that suits my time frame and my needs.  Based on what I like to do and what I need to do per my personal trainer.  My sessions with him are over but I need to take what I learned with me so it wasn't a waste of money.
When that's done, I will post that here and update it as I improve.
With Fridays as my new weigh-in day, I will set my new goals next week, giving me time to set up my routine etc.

We gave up eating meat recently.  I don't cook it at home although I do still order it when we eat out and I still make hot dogs and chicken nuggets occasionally for lunch for the kids.
We eat a lot of fish, a lot of pasta and a lot of vegetables.  We use the Morningstar and Boca meat alternatives and have found the ones that are really good (veggie burgers, crumbles for sauce and tacos) and the ones that are absolutely disgusting (breakfast sausage, hot dogs).
I am having my iron tested tomorrow, though, because I am absolutely exhausted and had a sudden realization that I may not be getting enough iron without the red meat portion of my diet.  I'm sure I don't eat enough leafy greens and beans to make up for it.  But I am not sure enough to start popping iron supplements, so we'll wait and see.
But seriously, as I type this at 2 in the afternoon, I could fall asleep on the couch.  And that is how I feel every day.  And at 2:00, my day is only about half over.  I still have the "after school" portion, dinner, bedtime and "me" time.  I have laundry to fold and dinner to cook but absolutely no energy.  I am hungry but too lazy to go get something.  What a conundrum.

We are going house hunting  on Saturday.  I cannot wait.  We are finally going to see the inside of the house we have been dying to have.  We are about 2 seconds from buying this house sight unseen so it's probably a good idea to go check it out.  I can only hope that someone else is thinking the same thing about our house right now.

I have decided on my next weight loss goal.  18 pounds by my 34th birthday.  That is almost 12 weeks from now so not a very lofty goal but it's not easy to drop it as quickly anymore. 
So, I have to change a few things that I'm doing...  and I haven't really decided what those things will be yet.
Maybe packing, living a hectic lifestyle of house-hunting and house-showing, warmer weather, stress and a little good old-fashioned starvation will help.
Or, maybe I can get my fat ass to the gym more than twice a week.
Funny how less than 4 times a week, preferably 5 or 6, and I feel like a fat, lazy slob.  When, previously, the very idea of going to the gym made me want to crawl under the covers midday for a nap.

It's hard to lose weight during a holiday.
Last week, leading up to Easter weekend, I went to the gym every day.  I ate very well and exercised and drank my water.  I knew I was going to eat and drink like a rock star through the city so I wanted to do what I could ahead of time.
When we got home I continued to eat like a rock star...  or, perhaps like the fat girl I truly am.  I kept saying "gotta get to the gym tomorrow" but one day led to the next and I went a whole week of not getting to the gym.

I was legitimately busy.  We had carpet installed over 3/4 of our house.  That required a lot of packing and prepping.  Seriously - you try to get everything off the floor of all of your bedrooms and your living room.  Also, keep your kids and two dogs out of your way and the installers way.  Also, get to the gym and take care of your personal dietary needs.
It's only 2 days worth of an excuse but I managed to stretch it out for the week.
I actually blogged a whole long bit about it on my cell phone but then I couldn't figure out how to transfer the "Notepad" to my Book and I wasn't about to re-type the whole thing so you'll have to settle for this abridged version.

The bottom line is this - I have got to back to business.  I have lost more than 20 pounds.  I have dropped 2 pants sizes.  My boobs are bigger than my gut...  for the first time in 4 years.  If I allow this slippery slope to slide me any further, I will gain that - and then some - right back and this will all be for naught.  And I can only imagine what that might do to my mental health!  LAWD!  I am crazy enough!

Today is the 4th Wednesday of March and I lost 1 more pound this week.
Yes, my goal was 2 pounds per week but knowing that I am eating like a pig (ate restaurant goodness 3 times in the past week and I am NOT sorry) and exercising I am happy to have lost 1 pound.
Today I am vowing to track my food on Weight Watchers religiously.  Some days I know I do not eat enough and that will only hurt me in the long run.  It's not because I'm not hungry or I am trying to starve myself, it's that I don't have time.
Also, I think my tastes are changing - and combined with my desire to not overeat - sometimes I don't eat dinner.  Where, in the past, I would have eaten it even if I didn't like it if I was hungry.
That totally grosses me out now.
So, this week (starting today) I will track my food more carefully, continue exercising and see if I can end this month strong.
For the record, though, today is a very proud day for me.
I have mentioned how I lost a bunch of weight doing Weight Watchers before, without exercising.  It was 2005.  Same deal as this year, my "New Year's Resolution", but it was halted by my pregnancy.  I lost 30 pounds then gained it - and more - back over the course of the past 5 years.  I can blame pregnancy, nursing, staying home (lifestyle change) but regardless of the reasons I was not taking care of myself.
Looking over the past years of weigh-ins with Weight Watchers (I should really just bite the bullet and become a lifetime member) I see now that in January 2006 I was at my fattest ever (not including during pregnancy, of course) and now, March 2010 I weigh less than I did post-weight loss/pre-pregnancies. 
It's only one pound less, but knowing that is a huge bolster to my confidence.
After all, I was in my twenties then.  Now I'm in my thirties - and exercising and still dieting to lose weight.
I will hit my goal - and I will be one hot mama.

Today is Monday so I have another weigh-in in 2 days.  Last week, though, was my first March weigh-in and you may recall I promised to lose 2 pounds per week for all 5 Wednesdays of March.
I lost 3 lbs in week # 1.
Go Me.

I have really been enjoying cooking and being creative with Weight Watchers ideals (fat, calories & fiber!), without using meat, and eating as much as I can with as few points as possible!
I love the challenge, the hobby that it becomes.  When it becomes a lifestyle, it becomes routine, part of the every day - and even though (for now) it's retaining it's novelty, it is also fitting into our structure perfectly.  We eat at least 2 meals a day, at least 5 days a week at home.  Lunch is usually not a big deal and sandwiches/salads/frozen meals fill that meal very easily.
Before getting pregnant with Abby I lost 30 pounds on WW.  And that was without exercise.  It's because of the changes I made in my habits.  So, this time, with the habits and the gym - I am feeling really good.
And Jay does a lot of the cooking.  He makes the salads (tossed, veggies and otherwise), he experiments with fish and veggie products, he has been researching and blogging and without him, I would not be anywhere near as into this as I have been.
I do the shopping, the soup making, the dessert creating (I can't go without but I can make them fat and sugar free!).
We encourage each other, root for each other and have just the right amount of competitiveness to keep each other going.  (Ok, we're really, really competitive - sometimes we scare people, but it works for us!)


This weather is awesome.  I know we'll get another snowstorm.  I know it will get really cold again but for now - we're blowing bubbles and riding bikes.  And I have a very strong desire to start raking, pruning and decorating outside and in the gardens.

I crave summer, suntans, mosquitoes, late sunsets on the deck with a cold beer, hearing the trickling of the pond and chirping of the crickets.
I want to smell citronella and sun screen.  I want to come home from the salty beach and jump in my chlorine-y pool.
But first, I want to feel the chill and smell the air before one last snowstorm.  Then, I want to hear the hush of a snowfall one more time.  I want to see big flakes falling silently.  I want to see my breath as I shovel the snow from my driveay one more time.
I know how crazy that sounds because I really do hate it as much as the next guy when it's coming down for the umpteenth time in mid-January.  But here it is March.  We're already having warm days and cold nights.  We set the clocks ahead on Saturday.
I won't mind one more storm, because I'll know it's only one more.
Last year we were at the beach in April.  I can handle a few more weeks of winter.  Then I will love spring, summer, fall and winter once again.  I love New England!

I do not like this time of year.
It's boring.
It's ugly.
The weather is generally cold, nasty, wet, and unaccomodating.
I find myself withdrawing.  Hibernating.  Feeling quite irritated and anti-social.
I have lots of friends & family that I love to be with and talk to but I don't feel like it.
I feel discontented.  I make myself disconnected which leaves me feeling alone and sad.
I focus on small things.
I overthink.
I start big projects and map out even bigger ones.  Whatever it takes to distract myself from myself.

There's nothing going on.  There's nothing to do.  Nothing to plan, nothing to attend, nothing to pack for or set up for or save for.  It's b.l.a.h.  Nothin'.

Many people suffer from "Seasonal Depression".  It's not rare.  Maybe I do, too.  Maybe I should discuss it with my doctor.  When I do feel icky enough to consider "doing something about it" I feel too icky to bother.
Then, the next day, or a few days later, I generally feel "back to normal".

It passes.  It's normal, natural, the ebb-and-flow of being a thoughtful, feeling human being.
Then, something will set me off.  Someone will say something to me that I can't quite wrap my head around.  "What did that mean?"  "How did she intend me to hear that?"  "Does he know how that sounded to me?"  And I begin my obsession... 
Or something is done.  To me, to my family, to my friend, to the guy that bags my groceries or takes my $1.25 at the toll.  And I begin that obsession...
And then, I weigh in and see that I've only lost 1 pound even though I know I ate well and exercised my ass off.  Or, worse, I gained weight.  And I spiral into a self-loathing sulk that lasts a day or two.

In the Spring, I get joy from clearing out the gardens, sprucing up the outside of the house, preparing for our lives outdoors.  In the Summer I spend lots of time in the sun, at the beach, in the pool, with friends, in the gardens - all the fun, summery things that we all dream about in these yucky end-of-winter weeks.  In the Fall,  I truly enjoy the end of summer, the crisping of the air, the pumpkins, mums and apples and the holidays right around the corner.  In the Winter, I enjoy Christmas and the beautiful snowy days of January and even into February.
But now, this ugly-muddy-trampled-mostly-melted snow that covers my yard is just a reminder that winter is just about over, spring is weeks, if not months, away and summer is even farther.
The fun of the cold and snow is pretty much expired but the fun of the sun & grass is years away.

It's a yucky time of year.
And I am a generally happy, optimistic woman.  So, I figure if I feel this way about it, plenty of you probably do, too.  I hope you feel a little better now.
I do.

Maybe my scale is broken.
Maybe my math skills are off.
Maybe I am gaining muscle while losing fat.
Because - my pants are falling off and my numbers are not.

Maybe this makes me glass-half-empty, which is usually not my style but I was (AM) really looking forward to my weight dropping.  I want the LBS to MELT off... 
I am eating right and exercising.
Yes, I cheat here and there.
No, I don't work out every single day.
But, for what I've been doing, knowing what I used to do, I feel like I should have lost 20 pounds by now.
And I've lost 8.
Seriously.
8.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  But I am going to have to change some things.

More cardio.  More fat-burning, pant-till-you-puke aerobic exercise.
No cheating.  No "just one more bite" or "I'll just have one".  No more.
And I am signing up for WW again.
As much as I have gone on and on about resenting it, I have to change something and that will help me.
And right now, there is no sign-up fee which takes the sting out a bit.

So, I have to set a new goal for March because the idea that I might lose 10 pounds in the next 5 days (my Feb goal) is ludicrous.
I don't know what my March goal will be yet but tomorrow will be my new "Day One".  Weight Watchers and taking the exercising up a notch.
Get Ready!

Yeah - I feel like I've hit my groove with this "work out" thing.  I walk for 5, run for 10, walk for 5, run for 10, walk for 5.  Then I go through the "circuit" - you probably know what that is.  It is a series, or a "circuit", of weight lifting machines, each designed to work a different muscle or area of the body.  Some are easier than others.  My quads & calves, for example, are fairly strong.  I challenge you to find a mother without strong legs.  My upper body is relatively weak.  This surprised me because of all the baby-lifting I have been doing for the past 4 years.  But, there are many, many muscles and apparently, we don't need most of them until we do the circuit.
I want to get up to more running, less walking, because I love it but I don't have the stamina yet.
When I think about how I used to feel winded running up the stairs, I know I am moving in the right direction!
I love the Group aerobic classes, too (Dance Aerobics & Zumba) and I try to do Yoga at least once, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week.  I don't mean to insult the die-hard Yogies out there, but I try not to consider Yoga as part of my "exercise".  For example, there is Yoga on Wednesday nights but I still work out in the morning.  Yoga feels so good and it is very mental.  If it was all I did, though, I wouldn't be burning fat.  Yes, I'd be gaining strength and posture and peace but the cardio and strength training are most important right now.
I love this.  And I love the way my body is hardening - I feel muscles that I forgot were there.  And I am increasing the weights I am lifting.
I am not dropping lbs the way I hoped to but I guess that will come in time - at least I am getting healthier.
If I'm being honest, I gained 2 pounds this week.  This really depressed me and forced me to my first hard core run on the treadmill.
Have you heard the song "Wake Me Up Inside"?  I forget who sings it but when it comes blaring into my ears I start running and I don't think I will ever hear that song the same way again.
I can't explain the 2 pounds.  I did eat more than usual on Sunday for the Superbowl but I hardly think I should have gained 2 pounds by Tuesday's Weigh-In for having had some chili dip on Sunday.
Hopefully it was a fluke and this week brings some better results.

The Bu is in the shop right now.  It probably needs tires, it definitely needs an oil change and sometimes the Bu doesn't like to start so they'll have to look at that, too.  Something funny - my oil change sticker said "X Miles or October 2009".  Funny, right?  And I just hit X miles last month, January.  I don't go very far.

Last night's Yoga class worked my lower back and abs in a way that was both painful and amazing.
As I sit here, I am straight up tall, still feeling the burn and absolutely, without a doubt, craving more yoga.  I must have looked at the class schedule for the club a half dozen times this morning.  Nope.  Still no Yoga in my day.  I need to buy the Wii Fit Plus.  It's only $20 and it would fill this craving for me.  Plus, both kids love Yoga so I wouldn't need them out of the way to do it, they can do it with me.  And I happen to have $15 in Toys R Us dollars...  so we'll see how this works it's little self out.

Speaking of cravings.  I have been craving a trip to the mall with the kids.  Back in the old days, I could put the kids in the car any time I wanted and go wherever I wanted.  In these busy, activity-filled days I have to schedule a leisurely trip to the mall weeks ahead of time.  And right now, I am looking at a day over February break.  I'll have Q&K and K hates the mall but I can barter a day with one of his friends' moms and get there without him.
The "Germ Tank", the Carousel, Barnes & Noble...  maybe a little Yankee Candle while I'm there! 
I unabashedly love the mall.
In fact, the other day Abby was snuggling me and she said "yummmmm, you smell like the mall, mommy."  That was a high compliment, as I am raising a mallrat in case you hadn't noticed.  I believe what she was smelling was my deliciously sexy new perfume, "Heavenly" from Victoria's Secret but I thanked her with no further explanation.  

So, I mentioned my January-end Weigh-in.  I did lose weight in January.
I officially started this diet on Monday, January 4th.  Today, Tuesday February 2nd I am down 8 pounds.
That is a very healthy loss of approximately 2 pounds per week.  And I should be proud of that. 
I have changed my habits, replaced some I didn't want to change altogether with healthier choices.  I have been exercising, taking my vitamins, drinking my water.  All in all, I am very pleased with how I feel.

I am disappointed that I missed my 10 pound goal by only 2 pounds. 
I can blame it on Abby's birthday parties at which I ate "not good" food.
I can blame the fact that Wyatt was sick and I couldn't have left him in the daycare center at the club.
But mostly it is just a gradual change in my lifestyle and if I had lost 20 pounds in my first month, that probably would not have been healthy.  I probably would have been setting myself up for failure.  And now, as I sit at 8 pounds lighter, I feel energized and revved up for more.  Like, this 8 was a warm up and now the fun begins!
So, my realistic goal for February is 10 pounds.  I would like to lose 10 more pounds this month for a total of 18.

I promise to go to Zumba, which I absolutely love, at least once a week.  I promise to work Group Groove into my routine for at least once a week.  And I promise to continue to do Yoga at least twice a week.  In between I will walk & run on the treadmill and go through the Circuit.
I enjoy all of these activities and it feels really good.  I also enjoy routine (sometimes to a fault) and working these into my patterns makes it all the more of an accomplishment for me.
I never thought I would have time to exercise.  It was always my biggest excuse.
And now I can't imagine not exercising.  Almost as much as I can't imagine ever smoking again.

I talk about moving a lot.  I want a bigger house; a better house.  Then, when I consider what I want (a new, spacious, 4 bedroom Colonial with a wrap-around porch and an in-ground pool) I realize that we are not in a position to buy that (or build that) in the town we live in.
So, I decided that I could live anywhere.  As long as I have the house I want, I don't care where we live.  Other towns are a lot less expensive to buy in and even more have much lower taxes.
So, I would leave this town and the life we have built for ourselves and our children here.  All for the big house.
Wrong.
When did my mind set change like that?
I love our town.  I want to raise my kids here.  I care about the town government and school system.  I'm proud of them, I'm involved in them.
I know the moms that are involved.  They know me.  We know eachother's kids.
That matters.
I want Wyatt to go to Abby's school.  I want Abby to go to kindergarten with her friends.
I want a bigger house; a better house.
But I won't get it this year.  I will enjoy and appreciate my perfect, beautiful, warm and love filled home, right where it is.

We've covered this topic before.
I'm fat.

There are people who need to lose, like 10 pounds and there are people who are roly-poly obese.
I fall somewhere in the middle.

My friends will say "Oh you're not fat!  You're so tall/curvy/big-boobed/proportioned/solid/gorgeous!"
(ok, I added the last one)
But, friends, while I appreciate your love and kindness, the facts IS the facts.

But, this is my decade.
I am turning it around.

High Fiber, Lots of Protein, fresh fruits and veggies, Lean meats and Fish.  And when push comes to shove - Smartones Desserts.

And.....  *drumroll*  .......
Exercise.

So, this morning I woke up, got dressed, got the kids dressed, packed my gym bag, dropped one kid off at school and brought the other one down to the health club with me.  He was a very big, brave boy going into childcare all by himself.  The cars, trucks, trains, tracks, roads and ramps help.
I walked and then actually got the speed up to jog a bit on the treadmill.  I want to jog outside when spring comes.  I want to want to and that means I have to get myself in shape and "road ready" over the next few months.
The treadmill was just my warm up, though.  My purpose was Step Class.

I will skip ahead and make this long story slightly less long:  I will never...  EVER...  boast or even discuss the fact that I have a Wii Fit.  I will never tell anyone at the Club that I use the Wii Fit.  I will never - even in my own head (after this post) - consider the Wii Fit to be an actual form of exercise.  {Even the Yoga poses don't match up and that is pretty universal.  Nothing compares to actually "practicing yoga" in fluid, "finding the ease in the effort", group form.}
But the Step Class?  Compared to the Wii Step?  Well, they don't compare.

This class was 60 minutes.  I was sweating buckets, overheated and red and on the verge of collapse after 20 minutes.  I finally had the courage to stop and go get a drink of water, regroup and get back in there after about 25 minutes.  And I straight up stopped trying to follow the instructor and began my own sort of "cool down" after about 35 minutes.
If you've ever seen an aerobics instructor - a tiny, strong, tight, perky-but-a-little-mean woman - multiply her by 7000 and that was the Jillian-Michaels-bot leading this class.

I liked her.  I loved the class.  And, after a few weeks I am sure I will be keeping up and loving it for the entire 60 minutes.
But today - I cried.  I almost puked but I definitely cried.  {In the shower, not in the class!}
I had intended to leave after 45 minutes so that I could shower, grab Wyatt and get back to pick Abby up from school on time but I had no idea how badly I would want and need to leave at 40 minutes!

It was an eye-opening experience.  I am very out of shape and overweight.  But I am committed and enthusiastic.
And, fortunately, I possess the self-confidence to forge through the part of this that makes me look like an asshole to get to the other side.
And, fortunately, the Club we joined seems full of people ready to encourage and support me (and each other) on this journey.
A few women gave me great words of support, joked about their first classes and cheered me on to come back next week.  It made me feel better.  And what's cooler than women empwering women?  I love to feel that sisterhood.  And it was loud and clear today.

So, tomorrow I will try Zumba.
And next week I will try Step Class again.

And maybe, just maybe, I will not worry about how jiggly I am as I chase Wyatt across the beach this summer.

Protein is good. Carbs are easy, but protein is tastier if you take the time to prepare your food. For example - start making lunch before you're ready to eat your foot.

I am down 11 pounds since I started this whole thing in February. And I've only been exercising for about 2 weeks. So, I feel ok about that.
There is also that period of time where Easter Candy was here...

Do you ever stop to think about some of the words you use on a regular basis. Words that come out of your mouth and are quite possibly insulting someone, but you have heard them your whole life so you never gave it any thought?
There is a group in Facebook called "Stop Using the R-Word."
For the life of me, I couldn't think of it. What starts with R??
RETARD.
I use that word all the time - and not in it's Webster meaning. I use it when something is fucked up. I call it retarded.
I call my husband retarded about 76 times a day.
When I stopped to think about it after seeing one of my friends on FB in this group, I though "wow, that is sort of mean."
So, I am going to try to stop it.
And what about "gay".
I am a huge believer in Equal Rights, Gay Marriage, "Love Makes a Family"... but I say "that's gay" all the time. And I don't mean "that's homosexual", I mean "that's retarded". (Oops.)
Anyway... something to think about. Who knows what else I say... Those 2 will be hard enough to work on.
But in all seriousness - when I think about it, if Abby were to say "you're a retard" or "that's so gay", I would be floored. And I would have only myself to blame.
I mean, she was saying "oh, fuck" at 2 years old.
I curbed those F-bombs, I can work on the rest of my vocab, too.

I want to run a 5K.
Are you done laughing?
Seriously. I do.
And I happen to be married to an ex-runner. (Meaning - he ran in high school and college and even a little in his twenties but we have aged and gained - blissfully - together.)
So, we'll run together.
Not together-together. I mean, who will watch the kids?
But we're going to train at the same time.

My weight loss adventure - this time - is more about getting healthy and living an active, healthy lifestyle. I want to be fun with my kids. I want to be comfortable with my body enough to chase them on the beach. I want to be able to keep up with them!!
And, not to be morbid, I want to live long enough to see them have kids, and maybe even their kids have kids.
People live a reeeeeeeeeeeally long time in my family. I want to, too, but I also want to feel and look good.

My Grampy turned 90 today. So, on Saturday we will pack up the family truckster and head to Queens to celebrate.
90.
Crazy, huh?
But I'll tell ya - that fat, old Sicilian is almost as fiery at 90 as he was at 70. He slowed a bit because he had a stroke but he still gets revved up at the big holidays. (And if you have any Italian in you, whatsoever, you know that a Sicilian with even a little fire is not someone to fuck with.)
So - Happy Birthday, Gramps! See ya Saturday!

Because I love to eat.
Because eating is in my top 5 favorite things to do in all the world.
Because after sex & shopping, it is the only thing in the world that I love to do. And sometimes (ok, most of the time) it ranks as #1.

Because of that - I have vowed to begin exercising.

It is the simplest thing in the world. But the hardest.

So, I am taking it slowly. And one day at a time.

I bought a WII Fit. The WII Fitness Board has informed me that I am obese. (Thanks, asshole.) But if I exercise 30 minutes a day and cut back on my portions, I can lose the weight I need to reach a healthy BMI. (I will not tell you what my BMI is but I will tell you that my MII is quite roly-poly.)

So - today is Day #2 of exercising for 30 minutes per day. And, as I had hoped, the WII Fit is very fun and addictive. It appeals to my competitiveness. It congratulates you, it tracks your activity - and not just in the "Great Job - You got 50 points!" way, it says stuff like "damn, fattie - it's been a while! too busy eating to bother moving?"
Ok, maybe not quite that way but you get the idea.

I also have Jay to compete with, who is the closest thing to an "equal" I have around here. And yet I force myself to compete with Quinn, who's a 12 year old female athlete.
Yeah, because that's how I get when it comes to games. I take no prisoners.

So - while I am the first to admit that I have not been a "good" dieter since that post where I bragged about how awesome I am, I am proud of myself for not giving up and just being a fattie.

I have also committed to running (or walking, we'll see...) the high school track with a few other moms. I have even committed Quinn to come with me to keep Wyatt from running into the road and Abby from constantly asking me to stop and "Watch this cool trick, mama!"

So, I'm hoping that by finally tackling this obstacle they call "physical activity" I won't have to second guess every single thing I put into my mouth. I can still enjoy myself but not be 500 pounds before I'm 40.