I'm Just Sayin'

I've said it before and I'm saying it now - living in the Northeast gives me license to want snow in the winter, crispy leaves in the fall, cold rain in the spring and hot muggy summer days.
That is my right as a New Englander.

I can look forward to snow in July and curse it in January.  I can long for cool fall days in August and miss hot summer nights in November.  I can yearn for cold mud and creating gardens in February and curse yardwork in July.
The beauty of New England is that I get to love and hate all 4.  It is why I never want to leave and why I talk about leaving all the time.

These hang in my living room, they have since 2002 when we bought our first house. 

And while I know that I will land about 96 hate-comments for saying this (yeah, right, no one comments!) I am going to say it anyway:  Where's the g-darn snow?!?
Snow is pretty.
Snow is fun.
Winters should be snowy.

Look at the fun these guys are having!

I don't need ice dams and 8 foot snow banks, thank you 2011.  But this is a little ridiculous.

I know that last winter was an anomaly.  And I know that my post-traumatic snow-shock kicked in, big time, when Alfred hit on 10-29-11.  But here we are on February 4th and my kids have had one good day of sledding.

I hate my driveway in the winter and I haven't had a chance to curse it and cry about it once yet!





And I know that February is a fickle girl and we could well be F-ed in the coming weeks and I'll eat this post.  But I think, and tell me if I'm wrong here, I think that after last year, after surviving the HELL on EARTH that was Winter 2011, we deserve a fun, happy winter.

My girl wants to build an ice castle and make up stories about ice princesses.
My boy finally got his stamina for the cold up to more than 10 minutes.
Santa brought sleds!!

Yes, we'd have to shovel and we might slip.  But that, in moderation, is all a part of it.  And this is boring.

Tell me, tell me I suck.  Tell me I am annoying and should count my blessings.  But really, tell me you don't miss it, even a little??
(Don't answer that, Jay.)


 

First Snowfall of 2012

It's crazy that the first snowfall of 2012 is, technically, winter's first snow, too. 
When  I was a kid, it seemed to snow before Christmas every year.  We used to hope for a White Christmas but generally settled for a slushy, left-over snow mixed with dirt Christmas.
And last year it snowed pretty much every day from Christmas through Easter.
I went looking for some examples of last winter in my blog and noticed that I really was neglectful in my posts but there was one good one that I will share with you here.  While that post doesn't detail the weather patterns of that scary, cold and claustrophobic winter it does wrap it up quite nicely and really, that's better.  We don't need to rehash the scary, stressful dark parts of of our past.
So last night it snowed and today it's beautiful.  I just said last night to Jay, as we were pushing the pails up the 325 foot country hill we call our driveway "where's the snow?" and he, of course, got pissy with me for even mentioning such a thing and of course, down it came last night.
That gives me a good segue to a more upbeat thought.

How easily are you able to deal with something less-than-lovely and then put it behind you?
Everyone has their thing.  No one can completely forgive and forget every last indignation.  We're not Jesus.  But in every day dealings, how easily do you let things roll off your back and carry on?  Or, if someone really effs with you and really upsets you and hurts your feelings...  if you cry or freak out...  when time passes and they come to you to make up...  can you?
They say it take more muscles to frown than smile.
They say it requires more energy to seethe than to just shrug it off.
All that said, can you take a moment outside of yourself and say "I can understand why they felt that way.  I wish it hadn't happened the way it did but I get it.  I'm over it."

I can't sit here and type away about how awesome I am and how capable I am of doing just that.  I have my grudges.  I have my personal issues with different things, people or situations.  But, I really do try.  I really do prefer to forgive and forget.  And I truly try to find the bright side of situations.
When there is an argument in my house, it often revolves around my desire to find the positive and my husband insistence that I am being unrealistic and need to examine the consequences of whatever just transpired.
He focuses on the stress - the leaky ceilings, the icy roof & gutters, the run-off - while I (try to) focus on the fact that it's all over, we survived and were not much worse for the wear when all was said and done.
It's easier, it's happier and really, we did make it out the other side.

When someone wrongs you, you know that accepting their apology helps you move past the situation.  You know that hearing them, believing them and accepting them, as they are, helps you as much as it helps them.  No one wants to hold onto sadness, anger or bitterness.
But what about when you are the one that effed up?  What is you said something to someone in a fit of rage?  We've all done it.  We've all hit our boiling point and had our buttons pushed at the exactly wrong time.
You can apologize.  Let some time pass, eat your crow and throw yourself at the offended's mercy.
And when they forgive you it should be done, right?  But do you forgive yourself? 
What if the situation clears up and, socially, everyone moves on.  Are you still stewing?  Looking in the mirror and hating what you see?

I finished Jim Breuer's book last night.  I knew his stand-up and have heard his radio show and always liked him so reading his autobiography was right up my alley.
I thought it would be funny, have some good gossip and knowing her grew up on Long Island, I suspected some great childhood stories.
I got all that and more.
That book was more inspiring, feel-good and happy than any other autobiography I have ever read.  And he never went to rehab, got divorced or was homeless.  He simply loves life, his wife and is appreciative of each move, each experience, each moment his life has offered him.
Read it.  It's quick (even for me) and it's nice and you'll feel better for having known Jim Breuer.
You'll also probably find yourself forgiving yourself a little bit more, feeling a little bit better about whatever situation you are currently in and smiling at the little things more than frowning over the big ones.
Well done, Jimmy - you helped a lot of people just by sharing your story.

So now, as I go shovel the 3 inches we got over night I am going to look at the bright side:  the kids will enjoy the snow - they have new sleds and new snow shovels;  the weather is supposed to warm up so removing the snow is my biggest hurdle, no ice;  I have not had to remove any snow yet this year and by this time last winter I had removed a few feet.
Onwards & Upwards!

Are you blogging?

If you are blogging, I'd like to know about it.  Because if you are reading this than it is very likely that we know each other and I would be interested in what you have to say in your blog.
And, by the way, thanks for reading.

I have been inconsistent, at best, but I've missed it.
I rarely "tweet" and I quit Facebooking.  I manage to stay in touch via those old stand-bys like phone calls, text and email.  I know.  I'm so old fashioned.
But even with the occasional touches that phones (of whatever variety) and email I still feel like I am somehow "off the map" and while I am personally ok with that, I worry that my friends think I am out of touch.
That is not the case.  I still want to be friends, and be in touch, and get together, and hear how you're doing.
I just resent that we all seem to think that Facebook is the only way to do that.

I can be a responsible, caring, loving friend without the crutch of hourly status updates.
And it is our jobs, as friends, to reach out.  Friendship requires effort.  You have to pick up the phone, share your news, put out the energy to stay friends.  You have to be a friend.
You don't need Facebook to be friends.  It's a mirage, people.  You only talk on Facebook?  You hadn't talked in 20 years but now you're BFFs on Facebook?
No, you're not.

I made some connections on FB that I missed and that I have since maintained and enjoyed.

I stayed in touch with a ton of my local friends through Facebook, keeping up with where and what was up.  Somehow, though, I still know what's happening, where, and with whom.  And what I don't know, I don't miss.
And I managed to throw together a pretty fabulous holiday party with most of them (sans Facebook) via text message.  I didn't even have a MacBook to email with at that point. (She's home now, all recovered, poor baby girl.)  As much as I loathe the telephone, sometimes I have to use it and I don't usually regret it when I hang up, smiling, after a conversation with my friend.

I made some connections on Facebook that allowed for closure that I didn't need or want to pursue further.

I made some that were people I genuinely cared for and was thrilled to reconnect with.  But without Facebook we will go our separate ways again.  But that's ok.  It's ok to think fondly about an old friend, workmate or acquaintance from your past.  That's what your past is for.  You're not supposed to collect every single person you ever knew - liked or disliked - in one room.
People come and go in life.  Everyone leaves their mark.  Appreciate it.
Then, when you run into them at Olive Garden one crazy, cold, wet afternoon and you both look like shit and you're hungry and grumpy and you have a "20 minute" wait for a table then you can go on and on about each other, then you can tell each other how awesome you look, how much fun you used to have, how happy you are to be together and then  you can go sit and enjoy your endless salad, breadsticks and chardonnay with a pleasant smile and a peaceful memory.  That's how it's meant to go.  You're not supposed to hear about every time their new baby shits or their spouse gets the flu or their boss is a donkey.

I do not miss Facebook.  Sometimes, I miss the connections here and there.  But honestly, if our paths are meant to cross again, they will and in the meantime, we will all go on with our lives and smile fondly when a great memory passes by our conscious.

*********

Have you read any good books lately?
I have been on an Autobiography kick for a while now.  Maybe I have always liked them.  I am a nosy girl.  But it seems they have become more popular to write so they are more available and I am more aware of them.
Rob Lowe's book was great.
There is a lot more to him than hotness and that was nice to learn.  I said it then (or I tweeted it) and I will say it again - if Charlie Sheen writes a tell-all, I will be in line to read it.
They grew up together and there were a lot of stories that involved both Charlie and Emilio and their dad, Martin Sheen.  It was not a name-droppy kind of book.  The fact is that Rob Lowe grew up with a lot of the guys we watched him star in movies with.  That was his life.
If I was rich and famous and wrote a book I would have lots of people to tell you about, too and if they were rich and famous I might sound name-droppy...  but they're not, and I'm not, so I won't bother. 
(Hi, Katie & Melissa!)  xo
Anyway....
I read Smashed and really enjoyed it, though my husband thought it was pretentious and aggravating.
And a few months after that, I stumbled upon Loose Girl in a Borders that was closing so I picked that up for about $2.  (btw, did you know that Borders was originally a little book shop started up by 2 brothers?  How very You've Got Mail!)  It was good, in the same way that the drunk book was good. 
I could totally relate to both vices but I was never that drunk or that slutty, so my arms length judgement was intact.

Right now I am reading Ellen's latest book, which is her third I've learned since opening it.   Seriously, it's awful.
I like her.  I like her show.  I would be interested in hearing her story of being a woman in comedy, a woman in business, a lesbian, a cat lover, a fake blonde...  any of that.  I like her.  But this book is not more than schtick and the only reason I haven't quit it is that Jay bought it for me and I don't want to hurt his feelings.
I am also reading a little Nora Roberts on the side.  That takes the edge off.
Chelsea Handler, Jenny McCarthy - both female comedians, both wrote at least 3 books (that I read, anyway) - both managed to keep it real and interesting and hilariously funny.
Sorry for expecting more than blank pages of "meditation" and some coloring pages.

I read the first of the 4 stories in Stephen King's latest (?) and while it was a very good story, very King-y and scary and gross and creepy it was also very scary, gross and creepy which, I realized as I wrapped it up, just is not my thing anymore.
I know that at least one of the next 3 stories involves rape and torture and I can't imagine there's another Shawshank or Stand By Me in one of the other 2 so I shelved that one.

My mom is reading Regis' latest and Jay is almost done with Jim Breuer so I look forward to both of those in the upcoming months.

*******

Winter is upon us.
Christmas is all but over. 
New Year's Eve is tomorrow.
I enjoy the peaceful hibernation.
We'll celebrate Abby's birthday quietly - a Ballerina Dance Party for her little friends and maybe a nice restaurant dinner for the little princess ...  nothing major, no house party, no pinatas.
We'll head south in February for a break from the cruel, cruel world.  Snow & Ice be damned, we'll be in the pool, strolling along the beach and screaming through Space Mountain!
And we'll carry on with Kindergarten, Pre-K and the day-to-day of our lives while Jay travels to the icy mid-west and we all wait for Spring and summer to return.

Life is Good.
And it's good to be back.

I can see Clearly Now...

So, snow is frustrating when it piles up, freezes, piles higher, keeps falling from the sky, freezes more, piles higher and never seems to end.
This kind of snow can cause an uncommon amount of stress into one's household.  Even to the point of one's 5 year old, sensitive and darling daughter to say "no!  I don't want any more snow!" when a simple 3-6 inches is in the forecast for the overnight.
Each storm that has hit since Christmas was a big one.  Not one storm that has been forecasted has failed to perform.  In fact, most have outdone themselves.
And each. one. has. been. on. a. weekday. while. Jay. was. away.
I have plowed, snowblowed and shoveled more snow in the past 2 months than I have ever moved in my life.  Seriously.  You can ask my dad.

Then, we had 2 beautiful days in the 50's.  I actually wore my flip-flops to bring the garbage pails up one day when it was a balmy 36.
The snowbanks melted down more than a foot.  My driveway and the roads widened.  We can see our new pool deck again and the mailbox is reachable from the road again.  I could actually resume our mail delivery.

With the big meltdown came some wet ceilings and walls.  There's water in the walls, water in the ceilings...  who knows where else.
Annoying but certainly a homeowner's claim - not a life-threatening issue.  Our roof did not collapse, we did not lose water, power or run out of oil.

Bathroom ceiling.

We could just style the rest of the living room in the same "Jungle Striped" theme that the wet ceiling started.

Aside from an aching back and some snippy moments of exhaustion, I think I came out of "January 2011" relatively unharmed.

It's cold again.  And tonight we're getting "3 to 6".  But the snowbanks and patchy lawns are dirty and crusty with snow so the fresh snowfall will be a lovely change of scenery.  The stores are displaying Easter decorations and gardening supplies.
The promise of spring is in the air.  And maybe we can actually get out in it tomorrow and have some fun.  I'd like to show my daughter that snow is still fun.  (Especially now that we can walk in it without getting stuck up to our hips.)

This is a picture of my "footprint" (mid-thigh, really) where I fell through while digging a path for the oil delivery guy.

It's the time of year I start to look forward to raking blisters, the smell of dirt and pansies in every color I can find.
Crocuses and Daffodils will pop up earlier than it feels like they should.  The kids & I are going to start our flowers from seeds, probably earlier than we should.
I'll rake out the flower beds and count down the days till I can plant and mulch.

One thing this winter taught me was that I am much stronger than I thought.  Physically, for sure.  But also mentally.  I managed to keep my cool (most of the time) during what, at times, felt like catastrophic snow & ice.  I took care of the house, the kids and the minor emergencies that cropped up while Jay was out working his end of things - stuck in airports, delayed, missing connections and then actually having to work 40 hours in 3 days and get back into the uncertain skies to return home.
All of this reflection about a "winter" that was really only a few weeks of the season.

I refrained from buying the beautiful wrought iron dragonfly hooks that I saw in Joann's today.  I could just picture the lineup of brightly colored towels hanging from them on my new pool deck this summer.  But, it can wait.
First I will buy seeds & soil. 

I do not like this time of year.
It's boring.
It's ugly.
The weather is generally cold, nasty, wet, and unaccomodating.
I find myself withdrawing.  Hibernating.  Feeling quite irritated and anti-social.
I have lots of friends & family that I love to be with and talk to but I don't feel like it.
I feel discontented.  I make myself disconnected which leaves me feeling alone and sad.
I focus on small things.
I overthink.
I start big projects and map out even bigger ones.  Whatever it takes to distract myself from myself.

There's nothing going on.  There's nothing to do.  Nothing to plan, nothing to attend, nothing to pack for or set up for or save for.  It's b.l.a.h.  Nothin'.

Many people suffer from "Seasonal Depression".  It's not rare.  Maybe I do, too.  Maybe I should discuss it with my doctor.  When I do feel icky enough to consider "doing something about it" I feel too icky to bother.
Then, the next day, or a few days later, I generally feel "back to normal".

It passes.  It's normal, natural, the ebb-and-flow of being a thoughtful, feeling human being.
Then, something will set me off.  Someone will say something to me that I can't quite wrap my head around.  "What did that mean?"  "How did she intend me to hear that?"  "Does he know how that sounded to me?"  And I begin my obsession... 
Or something is done.  To me, to my family, to my friend, to the guy that bags my groceries or takes my $1.25 at the toll.  And I begin that obsession...
And then, I weigh in and see that I've only lost 1 pound even though I know I ate well and exercised my ass off.  Or, worse, I gained weight.  And I spiral into a self-loathing sulk that lasts a day or two.

In the Spring, I get joy from clearing out the gardens, sprucing up the outside of the house, preparing for our lives outdoors.  In the Summer I spend lots of time in the sun, at the beach, in the pool, with friends, in the gardens - all the fun, summery things that we all dream about in these yucky end-of-winter weeks.  In the Fall,  I truly enjoy the end of summer, the crisping of the air, the pumpkins, mums and apples and the holidays right around the corner.  In the Winter, I enjoy Christmas and the beautiful snowy days of January and even into February.
But now, this ugly-muddy-trampled-mostly-melted snow that covers my yard is just a reminder that winter is just about over, spring is weeks, if not months, away and summer is even farther.
The fun of the cold and snow is pretty much expired but the fun of the sun & grass is years away.

It's a yucky time of year.
And I am a generally happy, optimistic woman.  So, I figure if I feel this way about it, plenty of you probably do, too.  I hope you feel a little better now.
I do.

I had to be at the doctor this morning for 7am.
I don't usualy roll out of bed until sometime closer to 7:30.
So, here I am, in my jammie pants and winter coat - teeth brushed and bra on but that's it - driving to Bolton to have blood drawn on an empty system.
I was on total auto-pilot about 85% of the way, not even thinking conscious thoughts, just going.  Then, it occurred to me...
It's almost the New Year.

The morning was so cold.  The dashboard read 22F.  The wind was blowing really hard.  It was snowing.  But not the kind of snow anyone talks about, just the kind that sort of falls and blows around all winter.  It won't accumulate, won't even last very long but the air is so cold that the moisture that is in it by default is just freezing up.

I used to dread this stretch of winter.  The post-Christmas blues would set in right around now.  Jay has even surprised me on more than a few New Years with a little Christmas gift, just to perk me up as we take the tree down.
These days, I love this stretch of winter.

I love when our wonderful, joyous, beautiful - hectic, sometimes stressful and tiring - Christmas is over.  I love looking forward to next year and I love being done with this year.
I love looking forward to Abby's birthday.  She enjoys the planning as much as I do and it's so fun to do it with her.  This year she will have her little friends over for her birthday party and she is making and re-making her guest list every day.

I love the New Year.
"New year, new beginnings"...
I will make and break a few resolutions - I'll swear that this time I mean it!!

I love looking forward to Spring, then Summer and then of course fall and winter again...  But I love enjoying the cold, crisp, quiet routine of cold winter days.
Nothing going on, nothing too expensive, nothing too exhausting, nothing stressful - just some quiet time to "be".
Hibernate, maybe...  Decompress.  Relax.
 
Spring has yard work and kicks off summer.
Summer is not stressful but it's busy and active.
Fall starts school and activities.  Then of course all the holidays.
Winter is just time to reflect, plan and enjoy what is.