Not true.
Sometimes, my husband goes away on business. And then, my head spins out of control.
I begin to think. No one's around to hear me out when I 'm feeling this sort of crazy coming on, so I just let loose with it.
And think and think and think and think and think... sometimes, I keep busy and don't bother with the thinking thing.
But honestly, from time to time I enjoy reconnecting with myself, alone, and organizing my take on things.
For example. I spoke about "choice" and "acceptance".
If I choose to be happy, do I have to accept that others choose to accept their unhappiness?
I guess I do. Or I would be a hypocrite.
If I choose to accept my family as it is, does that mean I have to shut my trap when I think they are making a mistake or I wish they would do things in a way that could possibly improve their lives, therefore making me happier because I want them to be happy and whole?
I guess I do.
I suppose I have to trust that people know what they're doing.
And if they don't, so be it - live and learn.
They don't always need me to tell them or guide them or LOVE them through their daily lives, struggles and decisions.
Are my intentions always the absolute best?
Yes.
(That was not a sarcastic question.)
When it comes to my family (and my friends that I consider family) - my intentions are always the best.
(Not always when it comes to just straight up juicy gossip and random acquaintances - a girl has to let her hair down every now and then!)
But, you know what they say about the path to H.E.L.L., right? Yeah, I might as well be an apprentice brick layer... I need to shut the F. up sometimes.
I worry that if I don't say something when I feel like I should, that I am somehow shirking my familial responsibility. I really want to mind my own business sometimes, I really do!! But I feel like "well, maybe they need to hear it. maybe that's what will get them to act on this!" And really, they don't always need to hear it. And when people do want to hear it, they'll ask.
And sometimes I think "minding my own business" is another way of saying "don't feel like making the effort" and I never want someone to feel like I don't care, am too self-involved or just too darn lazy to speak up when I think they need me.
See my conundrum?! grrrr
When my Abby gets upset about something random that 3-year olds get upset about and she's crying hysterically, I tell her to breathe. I don't yell, I don't coddle - I just remind her to breathe and I stay calm with her until she gets her shit together. Sometimes, I just say "get your shit together" but that doesn't always work.
I need to start saying that to myself.
I can't fix the world. I can't fix my family. I can only hope to fix myself to my greatest ability. And by keeping myself in order, getting my own shit together, I manage to keep my family - the 4 of us here at 131 - in order and together, as well.
And that, folks, is my numero uno priority in life. Taking care of my family. The 4 people in this house. that is my job, that is my passion and that fills me with all the satisfaction, pride and love I need.
Remind me of this post the next time you start seeing big, colorful definitions on my blog entries, eh?
Spent the day at my mom & dad's today. It was a fun, crazy, busy day of running Grammy & Granbear ragged. When we leave, I can hear the sighs of exhaustion from coming out of my parents as I roll down the driveway.
Or, that could have been the sigh of exhaustion coming out my boy, SuperMan, in the backseat who fell asleep before we hit the highway and slept int he same position, mouth wide open, the entire 85 miles home:
5 comments:
"When my Abby gets upset about something random that 3-year olds get upset about and she's crying hysterically, I tell her to breathe. I don't yell..."
I need to stop yelling at my kids when they are not behaving. I feel so bad when I do. I need to change this. I'm afraid they will hate me for it but I dont know how to cope sometimes without yelling. I put them on timeout and that works but I dont always stick to it. Any suggestions on how to dicipline kids?? I'd love to read a blog from you on suggestions on how to handle the kids without yelling....
We are all a work in progress, baby! I love to see how you are organizing your journey because I can relate to a lot of it. XO
Anon-
I do yell at my kids. I just try not to. Keep in mind, my kids are 3 & 1. When they do things that I want to yell about, they are usually not aware that it is going to make me angry. I just try to remember that - that's why I try to take a deep breath before I react. (Assuming I have the time to take that breath - if I am yelling because Wyatt is about to touch something hot or because he has a handful of the dog's ear, I can't breathe first, I yell & lunge!)
But basically, I find that if I am well-rested and fed and I pay attention, I can maintain my composure and patience.
When I am stressed out, hungry or tired - not so much. :)
Denise - thank you. this blog reeeeeeeally helps me map things out. Very therapeutic. :)
I think it's healthy every now and then to spend some time contemplating things. Otherwise, you never stop to reconsider your perspective on things. As long as you come back to knowing what you can and can't control, and what your priorities really are, I think you're golden.
Before Matthew was born, I read an article about not saying "no" to your kids (unless they're in a dangerous situation), but rather telling them what they should be doing instead (e.g. rather than saying don't throw your cup, you say keep your cup on the table.) Made sense to me, and I really try to follow that. But, I must admit, when I'm frustrated or tired, NO just comes out so much easier.
Great picture of that exhausted boy!!
Hey - a sleeping boy in a carseat picture.....LOVE IT!!!
Love this post. Been by to read it a couple of times but haven't had a chance to comment.
I like to read about the way you do things, want to do things, or think about doing things.
I too have always had the best intentions....that being - having the best outcome.
I usually always say something. It doesn't always come out the right way. It certainly doesn't always have the anticipated reaction I was looking for. But it is me. Totally. Completely. Honestly. Funny thing for me Liz. When I choose to shut my mouth, blame can always find its way back to me, so I should have just opened my trap, said what I wanted to say, and just sit back and wait for what I've got coming. I'd probably feel better having said something to begin with. I've learned that things won't always end up the way I would like them, but I tried what I tried in my own way.
I like you, am always trying to make the effort. I care.
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