I have very few fond memories of my high school years. Belle & I had fun in our Senior Year, but that is just a small part of that year and doesn't compensate for my near-suicidal first 3 years.
It took me several years to work myself up to actually feel as happy and confident as I had always tried to project myself as.
I am happy now but - and maybe I need counseling or some sort of hypnotism - it doesn't take much for me to regress to that ugly, insecure shell of a girl I once was.
So, for that reason, I have GOT to get myself off of Facebook.
Not completely.
I did begin to enjoy my self and my life post June 1994. And there are plenty of people that I went to high school with that I had roots with that ran deeper than "we graduated together".
But I plan to go through and get rid of anyone that I feel the slightest bit of self-doubt being "friends" with again. I am also going to delete those that I don't really care about (and likely don't care about me - you know the ones - you're only friends because your friends are friends with their friends...)
I have a few that I probably should delete, because things went badly in the end (as they often do when dealing with the drama of being 16) but I won't because the good times were so much better than the bad times were bad.
I am also on the fence about making my Blog private.
It has become somewhat of an intimate journal.
But, if I do that, will I subconsciously tailor how I write to cater to those that I know are reading? Maybe, maybe not. But I know that right now, I write from my heart and with complete, unapologetic honesty.
And I know that I have random, non-commenting, readers that have told me that they read it or have read it and love it. That makes me so happy.
So, for now I will stay public - but I am not allowing anonymous comments anymore. I don't want to be thrown for a loop and sent hurdling back to that fetal position that I spent so many dark years in.
I am focusing on the positive in life. I always do. But it is always a work in progress, ya know?
Why Did I Ever Stop Writing On This Blog?
2 years ago
2 comments:
YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT TODAY...and I don't even know you really. Good job kicking the "friends" to the curb. When you are feeling vulnerable it is probably a better idea to surround yourself with real friends. Real people that actually give two craps about you and what you are trying to accomplish in life. In moments when you are feeling high and on top of the world - I don't know, maybe that's a better time to let all those others in. Either way, you seem like you know what you have to do. Good luck.
Liz, I love the fact that you are completely, unapologetically honest on your blog. That's one of my favorite things about you.
Don't you love this point in your life when you can decide whether or not to deal with people's nonsense? I say kick those "friends" to the curb.
Great job on the first two days. I'm of the mindset that if you completely deprive yourself of all the things you enjoy, you just end up resentful. All things in moderation, my grandfather always said. Smart man.
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