Where are you, Cacky?

Some before and afters...

It's been a while so I have lots of jumbled thoughts.

First, let me say that having your hardwood floors refinished is a bitch. Even in the best scenario, which I believe we had. The company we used was efficient, professional, followed through exactly how they said yada yada - you get the drift, I would recommend them in a heartbeat. But I still had to leave my house for more than 48 hours, board my dogs for $200 and then clean up the ridiculous sandy, dusty disaster when they were done. And they were "less messy"
because their sander has a bag. I can't even imagine it more messy.
My advice to those of you getting your floors done is Empty the Room. Not just stuff that touches the floor. Everything. It will seem like a pain in the ass at the time, but trust me, dusting your berry wreath is not easy. Nor is it fun to dust each one of your Collector Plates that hang just below the ceiling.
Anyway - I will post before and afters later.

My next completely random thought is about "Forgive and Forget". People say it's easier to forgive than to forget. I think the 2 go hand in hand.
If someone does something to you that hurts you, but you love the person. Don't you want to forgive them and forget it ever happened?
You can learn from it, grow closer by it but you don't have to hold on to the specific memory of it.
Frankly, if you love someone enough to forgive them, Truly, Honestly, forgive them. Then you'll forget, too.
Or, maybe it's you and you need some psycho-analyze-ation as to why you can't get out of your own way.
That's for another post, though.

Abby has been on the potty for almost 2 weeks now, accident-free. She has only pooped, like, twice but at least I know she knows how to hold it in case we ever need her to utilize that skill.

Wyatt is cutting tooth #3 and it has been hellish for him. He was up with me last night, watching the Golden Girls and sucking on the Motrin bottle at 1am. It's cool. I'm tired, yeah, but it's kinda cute when the only thing they need is "mama".

I have more to say, I am back now. With Internet, even if my basement is in complete disarrays... More on that, later, too.

Briefly. About Jessica...
I feel it is my responsibility to put this out there.
I was a Newlyweds junkie. In fact, I have the entire series on dvd and have watched them more than once.
I loved her. I loved her and Nick. Loved how they always went to Cabo. :)
Then, when things went bad, she came out looking like a dirty whore and he looked like a broken hearted husband.
I no longer like Jessica Simpson.
Her new single on the country station is so dumb and she is so nasal-y and ridiculous, I have to change the station.

I love country music. I really do. I do not, however, like it when Jessica Simpson sings it. That is for another time, another post, though.
Anyway.
Today, I was in my kitchen, dancing with my kids (because attempting to fold laundry and start dinner was useless, they wanted/needed/demanded my time & attention). The song "Blessed" by Martina McBride came on. There I am, in my beautiful kitchen, in my beautiful home with my beautiful children, singing and dancing and just loving life. And the song is so perfect.

I get kissed by the sun each morning
Put my feet on a hardwood floor
I get to hear my children laughing
Down the hall through the bedroom door
Sometimes I sit on my front porch swing
Just soaking up the day
I think to myself, I think to myself
This world is a beautiful place

I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed

Across a crowded room
I know you know what I'm thinking
By the way I look at you
And when we're lying in the quiet
And no words have to be said
I think to myself, I think to myself
This love is a beautiful gift

Repeat Chorus

When I'm singing my kids to sleep
When I feel you holding me
I know

Repeat Chorus

I am eating Mocha Fudge Frozen Yogurt. Completely fat free. I am sure it is full of chemicals and sugar and whatever but there is no FAT. Therefore, I feel good about eating it. And it is surprisingly good.

I steal something from Christine almost every time I go to her house. Maybe it is just hardwired in me from when I was little and stealing from her seemed to be my purpose in life, or at least my purpose in living down the hall from her.
Anyway, this summer I got 3 t-shirts and pair of jammie pants. Plus, I think Abby stole at least 1 Princess, with my encouragement.
Funny thing is, though, she gives me more than I could ever ask for - both purchased and handed down. And I admit it each time I steal, which generally results in her giving it to me anyway. But I still get a little thrill from having/wearing my big sister's stuff.


Today was so gorgeous outside. At one point in the afternoon I found myself sitting on my deck, having a popsicle with my kid, watching some birds playing (or possibly mating) while Jay mowed the lawn and Wyatt napped. It was just an amazingly gorgeous moment. I love my home and yard and children and husband.


Speaking of my kids - today Wyatt took one nap, 3 hours. I hope he does that from now on. It worked out so nicely and would fit wonderfully into our new Fall schedule. And Abby went on the potty every time today - no accidents. And she has been telling me she has to go almost as often as I ask her and she says yes. Meaning - she is becoming more aware of it on her own and knowing she has to go to the potty in time, not just remembering it when I mention it. Awesome.

This morning when Abby woke up, she came into our room, as she always does, and said "Good Morning! Did you get my balloon, mommy?" She was promised one purple balloon for her poops on the potty and she woke up with that balloon on her brain.
Not to worry - mommy DID get that balloon. She went to the Party Store last night and picked out a shiny, purple Helium Star and paid extra to have "ABBY" written on it. And it was SO worth it.
Today, even with promises of a "Princess Present", there was no poop. But there will be tomorrow. No one can go 2 days with watermelon and blueberries in their system.

Kimmie is taking me to the Big E. Likely we'll take our kids with us since it's tough to leave a 2 & 1/2 year old, 10 month old and 7 month old home alone. I have never been to the Big E but she assures me it is like the Hebron Harvest Fair on steroids. I can't wait to eat my way through it.

We recently joined NetFlix. I have now, finally, seen all of Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy and I so in love with the show, every character and becoming a doctor that I am beside myself with glee each day that I check the mailbox to see if the next disc is here for my viewing pleasure. Maybe tomorrow...
Any movies I should see that you absolutely loved? I am about ... how long have I been married? That many years behind.

On Wednesday the guy is coming to begin painting our house. We need all the wood trim re-stained, it's a maintenance thing so while I know it's necessary, I hate paying for "maintenance". When he's done with that, he will move into the basement. That's a job and a half, lemme tell ya. Jay & I have never hired anyone to paint before, 2 houses and many, many coats of various brands and colors... this time, we decided it was worth it.
Meanwhile, the other guy will be refinishing the hardwood on the first floor.
Then, in September we are having the basement carpet torn out and wood laminate put down. Our basement is getting a total makeover and I cannot WAIT.
Everything will be done in time for Wyatt's first bday party and that will be a lovely, lovely day. (Although I may cry the entire time. I can't believe how big my baby boy is now. Do you realize he is almost ready for whole milk? He hates baby food, only wants to feed himself. He is 10 months old. I probably have enough formula in the closet to finish off his first year. So fast. Really. The time goes by too fast.)

Anyway.

Day Two of Potty Training took us through the Buckland Mall - without incident.
Abs went peeps in the potty in Macy's and that was it! We shopped, we ate, she went on the carousel with her Daddy. No accidents, no issues. I even tried to get her to go in the parking lot before placing her in her car seat. No deal. She either couldn't or wouldn't but either way, she went on the potty when we got home and that works for me!
All day without a diaper. Add that to the fact that I forgot to change Wyatt before we left for the mall, I think I only did like, 3 diapers today. A-freaking-mazing.
Before bed tonight, Abby & Wyatt were playing nicely and alternately getting cleaned up and dressed for bedtime when Abby ran into the bathroom where I was cleaning WyWy and announced she had to go potty. Much to my delight, she pooped!!! She first asked me for a diaper, I responded calmly with a "just try it on the potty, it's fun to hear it splash" and she was intrigued. Sure enough, it was fun to hear it splash!!!
Good stuff!!
We bought her a balloon and some fake Princess makeup as a prize for poops on the potty. She will be so happy when she wakes up and sees it. She is so easy to please and I am so beyond excited and proud with this whole PT thing. I cannot even express it.
Proud of her, proud of me. It's just the next big thing to conquer and once again, she is so easy and wonderful.

As a side note, I bought myself another pair of shoes today. I seriously have a problem.

This morning, I talked to an old friend of mine. And by "talked to" I, of course, mean "emailed back and forth with". Do people actually "talk" anymore?
Anyway, he is reading my blog (welcome) and loves it. I love that he loves it because I have loved his Blog for some time now. I read some this morning and he had a whole entry about how simple and silly Blogging is (my words) and basically how happy it makes him to both write it and that people read it. I am not doing his blog justice by any means, so why don't you go read it, and then you will understand why I like this guy so much.
His best friend married my best friend. We go way back. He's "good people".

Abby went all day today wearing panties, no diapers. No diapers! She went "peeps on the potty" all day and didn't even remind me about the candy bribe agreement every time! If she goes poop on the potty, she gets to pick out a toy at the pharmacy. She knows it and is very excited about it, but she didn't poop today. Normally, she poops every day so I think there is a little bit of a mental break without the diaper.
I am not potty training in chapters. She will go peeps & poops on the potty all day. She can wear a diaper at night for as long as her little body needs, that's fine, but I'm not playing that "oh, she still poops in her diaper" game. She's a smart girl, she'll be fine.
Today she wore panties, no diaper, even OUT of the house - all the way through Ted's! She was so proud! She got out of the car and announced she had to go potty. I was so excited! Of course she did! I did, too! She then informed me that she would be going potty in the grass and before I could stop her, she did! She walked over to the lawn and spread 'em.
And ya know what? I said "Ok! Next time let's just take your panties off, ok?!" And she agreed.
She's awesome. I am so excited about Potty Training.
We'll see how I feel at this time tomorrow, eh?

Drink up, little one. Keep the fluids up!

Wyatt was displeased with his situation today. I suspect tomorrow will be even worse and I suspect the reason is that his top teeth are cutting. I definitely see one and the other one won't be far behind. Poor guy. Abby breezed through all of her teeth, we barely noticed. This guy is feeling every second of every movement of every tooth - and at 10 months, he only has 2. Jeezaloo.
He may only have 2 teeth but he is very busy elsewhere.
He is cruising now and standing on his own for brief periods. (very brief) He is a ridiculously fast crawler, and climbing up the stairs is his latest quest. I am a pretty lazy parent, I don't get worked up about little things that won't kill my kids. But this kids has made me choke on my beverage more than once. Climbing out of the high chair - that he is strapped in to - climbing out of the grocery cart - that he is strapped in to - climbing up the fireplace and stairs and dog... Getting up on his tip toes to reach for something over his head that will come crashing down and crush him. Sticking his fingers into anything he can fit and putting everything he finds in his mouth.
He is the reason "BabyProofing" was invented, truly.
It's fun, though. He keeps it interesting.

"I don't see a strap" you say. "What's the point" I say.

I am trying to manage nap time in a way that will not interfere with my new "job". We will have to get Q & K off the bus at 3:30 so I need Wyatt to be done napping by then. Abby doesn't nap anymore. Sometimes she falls asleep, and that's great, but I won't sweat waking her up if she is still asleep at 3:25 when I have to leave. Wyatt, on the other hand, is a routine napper. Twice a day, 2 hours each time. So, I need to rearrange him a little. Lately, he has not been sleeping for a full 2 hours, so I am trying to put him down later in the am and a little earlier in the pm. Hopefully making him meld into one nap. One nap from 11 - 2 would be PERFECTO. Come on, WyWy!!

It was nice to organize my day like that. Thanks for listening.

My daughter loves her babies. Loves them. All of them. She has about 25 dolls.

I am not kidding, there might be more than 25 depending on what classifies it as a doll.
She has dolls that were mine growing up that Grammy sent home with her (or Granbear packed in a box and forced us to take). She has Cabbage Patch Dolls and "Baby Born", she has dolls that cost $3.99 in Target that have those mouths that are always open, waiting for the little, plastic pacifier to get stuck back in.
She has this one doll - it was $10 in Babies R Us and she had just gotten about 4 new dolls because Wyatt was just born. But she carried that doll around with her, all through Babies R Us, in the box, loving her and talking to her and stroking her.
What choice did I have?
She named her "Cute Baby" and she still loves her.

She has "Heavy Baby" and "Big Baby" along with "Cute Baby". She also has a few pretty ugly dolls that Jay's gramma made - maybe for decoration? But no one could tell Abby that one doll is better than another, she adores them all.

When Wyatt was nursing, Abby would lift her little shirt up, exposing that precious little belly, and feed her babies, too.
She asks me for wipes to clean her babies - and she does it, face then hands.
She tucks them in with blankets and tells us "sssh - my baby is having a nappie".
She feeds them with a spoon, or a bottle. She tells them they are cute and that she loves them. She hugs them and kisses them and dances around the room asking "you like that baby? you like dancing?"
It is the most magical, adorable, magnificent thing ever.

By 4:30, 5pm I am about done with my day. Taking care of 2 non-stop kids is exhausting. It may not be brain surgery but it is tiring!
I usually get a second wind that gets me through dinner and a bath but by the time it is bedtime, mommy is done.
And by now, it's 10:30pm, I am already remembering my day fondly and looking forward to tomorrow.

Abby asked me today "what, mama? why you laughing?"
I didn't know why, it was something she said or did but I didn't know how to explain that, exactly so I just said "because I am happy."
She replied with the standard "why?"
And I just said "because I love my life, baby girl."

The look on her face was so precious. I thought I really touched her, she was staring at me in such a way. Then I realized they "way" was frustration, she just looked at me and said "mommy! I am not a baby! I am a big girl! Wyatt is a baby!"

I really do love my life.

There is a difference between being "frugal" or "careful" and being "cheap".
"Cheap" is a deal breaker for me.

The bagger at S&S today put one gallon of milk in 2 plastic bags, the other gallon of milk in 2 plastic bags, 1 bottle of apple juice in 2 plastic bags, 2 bottles of Juicy Juice in 2 plastic bags, 1 head of lettuce & a bag of grapes in 2 plastic bags and 1 "Earth-friendly" bottle of spray cleaner in 1 plastic bag. So, in addition to my 4 "Earth-friendly" grocery bags that he filled, he gave me 11 plastic bags and 2 empty "Earth Friendly" grocery bags.
Thanks, guy. Good job.

I highly encourage all of you mommies to go out for a weekend alone. With girlfriends, to the beach (or whatever floats your boat) for at least one full day and night. I was full of trepidation right up until I fell asleep Friday night in Eastham, MA by myself. But I am now so proud of myself, so recharged and feeling so appreciated and loved for having been gone and missed.
I look forward to more adventures like this one, with more friends to more places. Once a year, maybe twice - we'll see. But it was lovely. I am a fixture around here and it was nice to be away.

I want to blog about my weekend away. I am just not sure I have the energy yet. I am very tired. And very relaxed. I want to go watch tv, I think. So I will tell you all about it another day.
Suffice it to say - it was lovely. And it was lovely to come home.

Today Wyatt got bored with his lunch and managed to crawl out of his high chair onto the kitchen table, pick up the phone and attempt to eat that instead.
(For those of you doubting my parenting abilities at this moment - I was right there, watching.)

Abby was laughing so hard at my impression of her giant stuffed bunny attacking me she had to stop, clutching her gut, barely able to breathe saying "my tummy hurts!"

Wyatt kisses me. Well, not just me, he also kisses Daddy, Grammy and Tono. But today, he kissed me right on my eye. Big, wet, open-mouthed, saliva-filled smackers. I love my boy but that was almost too much spit, even for me.

I am killing time. Less than an hour till pick-up. I am heading to the beach for the weekend and aside from dreading the car ride, I am very, very excited.

Abby is planning on handing Lynda her birthday gift tomorrow and saying "Here's your present, now gimme some cake."

I am done with chlorine (or any liquid) bleach. It ruins your clothes. I will still use it to clean my bathrooms, though. Instead, I am using Baking Soda in my whites and in my towels. I just hope that putting it in the "pre-wash" section of my shiny new front-loader is ok!

I am also done with Liquid Fabric Softener. I have noticed now, with my new, efficient machines, that I don't need it. It still freaks me out to wonder how long my old machines were not getting the job done. The love of my new machines has not worn off by a long shot. But it is a pain in the ass doing so much folding all at once. I guess the fact that my old washer and dryer were so slow got me spoiled. Now I am folding 4-6 loads a day, not every day, obviously, but all at once instead of a little every day. I'm not complaining, just adjusting.

I have complete and total ogida about my brother's impending nuptials. I wonder if they read this blog? Somehow I doubt it but a I wonder...

Today we will go visit Daddy at work. Abby is beside herself with excitement. For the visit, I made the most amazing chocolate chip cookies I have ever made, maybe ever eaten. I used the original Betty Crocker recipe with shortening instead of butter. It was amazing. I will never use another recipe again.

I leave for the Cape tomorrow night. I am both excited and terrified. Why am I such a freak?

We joined BJ's. I do believe that it is going to ease our budget considerably, but first I need to learn how to work it in. Dropping $300 every other month is not going to work if I don't organize my grocery shopping around it. Also, self control is imperative. No, Liz, you do not need 105 pounds of dog food all at once just to save $2. And no, we don't need 500 Tylenol at a time. And no, no, no, no, we do not need a Plasma TV. Not yet.
I did pick up a Santa-gift for my little girl, though. I am just not 100% convinced it will wait that long.

Our basement is going to be so awesome. I had a brainstorm for one section, where the kids' toys will go. What if we got a big chalkboard and a bulletin board? And posted a big alphabet and numbers and colors and shapes? In addition to their toys, it could be their crafts and learning station.

My dishwasher is full and my kids are still in their jammies. I need to stop blogging right now.

First I was going, then I wasn't going, now I am going... we'll see.

I am going to the Cape this weekend with 3 of my girlfriends.
I don't like women very much and the fact that I enjoy these 3 enough to want to spend a whole weekend with them says a lot. (We'll see how I feel about them when I return.)
Shannon's parents own a house in Eastham (sp?) so we will be shacking up there, for free, Fri & Sat night.

I tried to back out - citing too much emotional attachment to my children and husband - but the 3 of them came on strong with all the reasons I should go, not once trying to guilt me into it with "but you promised" or "but it won't be the same" or any such nonsense that would have just pissed me off. There was some "you deserve a break", which I hate. Please. My life is so bad?
But there was more "it will be so nice to recharge", "we'll leave late Friday and come home early Sunday", "actual conversation without having to tell the kids to stop eating dirt or to take turns", "a full day at the beach, the real beach, the ocean beach" and, of course, the kicker - "Jay will be gone for three weeks next month - that's a long time, you want to gather your strength!"

I have not been to the beach, child-free, since before I had children. And, frankly, even with Jay, it's not all relaxation. He can't sit still. So, while I enjoy going to the beach with him, and with my kid(s), it will be nice to bury my feet in the sand, my ass in a chair and my head in a book. No one to report to, answer to, clean up, hold, feed... whatever.

So, this is a big deal - 2 nights away from my family. I appreciate my husband's support and desire to spend that sort of time with our kids. He does admit that he is "scared shitless" and I appreciate that, too. Everyone can be that much happier to see me on Sunday afternoon.

So, with my recent worries about cows, dairy products, beef and eating-animals and their "stuff", in general, imagine my excitement when I read the giant sign on a local farm lawn that they were hosting free tours this weekend.

So, this afternoon, the 4 of us piled in the truck with a week's worth of supplies (diapers, wipes, snacks, change of clothes, blanket, hats, toys, camera, waters, stroller... you know the drill) to ride one mile up the road and park the truck, take everything out, load up the kids and take a 1-hour walk around the farm.

It was a lot of fun. Abby loved it. We saw a calf that was just a few hours old (mom still had a good amount of after-birth falling out, that was cute). We toured through and saw almost 400 cows ranging from the brand new to the very old.

2 mamas, the babies were each born today, one just hours before our farm tour.

While the cows were cute and the son-of-the-farmer was very informative, I am not sure that it "helped" me.

In fact, what I learned was that the mama cow that was licking and loving her baby would be separated from her by the end of the day so that the mother could be milked (most of which would go to feed the baby but whatever is "left over" will go to the supermarket) and the baby could be housed with the other babies. Ok, I could live with that. The baby is getting mama's milk and the mama isn't really suffering, right?

Well, I also learned that the mama will be made pregnant again in about 9 months, once she has healed and regained strength.
They keep doing that so that the milk supply (and cow supply) stays strong. And if the calf is a boy, it gets sold at auction. I didn't want to know for what.
Meanwhile, the babies are just eating and growing so that they, too, can soon become pregnant and milked.
They just go from field to barn to field to barn, pregnant and milked, milked and pregnant.

As I'm writing this, it doesn't seem so bad but it was the actual MILKING that gets to me.
It IS done by a machine. And they ARE kept in a barn, lined up, one after the other all day long, eating and sleeping and shitting in their little "lanes".

I should add that this farm is very "nice" to their cows. And I believe they are. I believe they are doing everything they possibly can, within reason, to be good to their cows because by being good they are healthy and healthy cows give more milk and cost less money etc etc... Plus, this is a small farm, relatively speaking.

So, if what they are doing at this small farm makes me a little sad, what the fuck is going on in the BIG farms??
This was one farm that produces "The Farmer's Cow" milk. What about Guida or Hood or Garelick or the store brands!? Those farms must be HUGE! What are they doing to their cows? And what about Kraft and all that cheese? Where are those farms and those cows? And Breyers and Ben & Jerry and Turkey Hill - what are those cows living like?

And, please, don't start me thinking about where my steak and burgers come from.

I don't want to be a vegetarian. I love dairy and beef. They are my favorite food groups. But I can't wrap my head around the fact that the cows can't just hang out, graze, eat grass and get hand-milked every now and then...

I know I am being unrealistic. I just need to come to a compromise with myself. I am still researching local farms. Maybe I can find local milk that is hand milked... that would be so awesome.

I am also going to try to find a place where I can "buy a cow" for a year's worth of meat. I have heard about this but never been so interested.

So, if you know me for 10 minutes, you know that eating meat and drinking milk are a huge part of my life. My BFF thinks I am gross. I can eat a pound of steak, including the fat and grizzle (sp), washed down with a cold glass of milk in about a minute.

I get that "we're smarter than them, therefore we eat them" thing. I get that. I'm not so into the "humanity" of it all that I would want to give up all things living in my kitchen. But I do get a conscience about the "how it got there" thing.

I don't like to think about that news footage where the farm workers were kicking and punching the over-fed, over-injected cows into an area where they could be further over-fed and over-injected. Those poor cows couldn't even walk. I don't know, nor do I want to know how they are slaughtered so that I can enjoy a grilled T-bone.
I don't like to think about cows being fed and drugged in their stables where they can't even turn around, never mind graze in a meadow while a metal clamp milks them until their poor bodies are bleeding and exhausted.

If I decide to "go vegetarian" people that know me will drop dead. No one would believe it or they would think I am hiding a life-threatening disease. Plus, I don't WANT to stop eating beef (or dairy products or chicken or anything!). I just want to find a kinder, gentler way to eat.

So, I have to find a way to eat from good, wholesome, sanitary farms. Maybe I will start buying my milk and eggs locally, from a farm with glass pitchers and metal baskets.
I can't live with myself, enjoying beef at 4.99/lb, knowing it came that cheap because people have become so de-sensitized to the world/Earth/living creatures around them that kicking an animal wouldn't even make them blink an eye.

Eat them with a fork? Yes. Kick them and disrespect them? No.
Say what you want. But I am officially on a mission.