Tonight I made your face look like this:
I much prefer your face to look like this:
But sometimes we just don't see eye to eye. Do we?
You're 5 and I'm almost 35 and yet, I so often learn so much more from you than I feel like I teach you.
When I lose my temper and raise my voice - ok scream and yell - at you and you not only stand your ground, but have the peace of mind to tell me that "yelling won't make it happen" or "your loud voice is upsetting me" and I am seeing red, not only angry that you are still not listening to me or doing what I had asked you to do 48 times prior, but the guilt also begins to creep in about how loud I am getting and how hard you are crying.
And while I promised you - and double promised not to break my promise - that I would never yell like that again... chances are, it won't be the last time I yell like that and you cry like that.
Chances are, at 5 & 35, we have many years of yelling and crying ahead of us.
Tonight it was your apparent inability to do anything I ask you to do the first time I ask you to do it. 10 years from now it may well be the same damn thing.
But 10 years from now will we be able to spend an hour flipping through the Oceans Encyclopedia and snuggling so that we both feel completely better before you fall asleep?
Maybe, but just in case that doesn't happen each and every time, Abs, please remember this:
Mommy always loves you.
Mommy always likes you.
Mommy is always proud of you.
You are a smart, kind, sensitive, loving and fun girl.
You're my buddy. My little best friend.
My absolute favorite girl in the whole wide world.
And even when I'm yelling, I feel all of that.
Being Mommy is not always easy. I constantly question my choices, my decisions, my words and actions. Every day, every breath, every move I make I am trying to be the best mommy I can possibly be for you and Wyatt.
Tonight you told me you never wanted to get a husband and a family of your own because you didn't ever want to leave me. I told you that having your own family some day would be the ultimate reward for me and Daddy.
So, you promised that you would live on Joel. And visit every day.
Thank you. You are truly a gift from God to me. I love you.
1 comment:
very very sweet post. you are too hard on yourself.
Post a Comment