Just over 3 weeks ago my BFF had another baby boy.  Once again, she was a trooper and pushed that little man out with no epidural.  This is an amazing thing to me.  As it should be to you.
Speaking as a woman that couldn't make it beyond 4 centimeters without caving and begging for drugs, seeing my tiny friend squeeze 2 fat boys out with no more than moral support and the stubborn will that God graced her with pretty much blows my mind.
I have a lot of opinions on the whole "second baby" thing.  The way people treat you when you're pregnant "again" versus the first time around.  The way people treat the new birth.  The way people treat the first baby once the second baby arrives.  And one day, I might blog my opinions on these topics.  If you are a mother (or maybe a father) of more than one child, I am sure you have your thoughts on the topic and I am not in the mood to be controversial at this time.
My point is this - it's been over three weeks and despite three attempts, I still haven't gotten out to NY to see my new little love.  I am so sad that I haven't held him, smelled him, hugged my friend and looked her in the eye to tell her how proud I am of her.
I already love him - I have since the day her #1 told me that there was a baby in his mama's belly, in my parents' yard on my birthday.
I'll get there and I know she understands.  But I can't help but think that she feels the same tinge of sadness that I do for having missed our visits thus far.
This is the only picture I have so far, but it says it the best, I think:  A loving, devoted mama with her boys.  I don't think I need to say more.  Just look:

 

In other news...
It's worth noting that my husband has reinvented his website into his own Blog.  He has noted what a therapeutic effect it has on me and thought that, perhaps, he would try his hand at blogging.
He thinks that he has nothing to say,  I said that he has plenty to say, he just doesn't care what other people think of it.
He thinks he's not funny.  I think he's hilarious and his writing style is very much the way he speaks.  Dry sarcasm mixed with witty intelligence.
Don't trust me on this.  After all, he is the smartest, handsomest, funniest man in the world as far as I'm concerned.  Go check him out.  It's still new, he hasn't been writing it for more than a few days, so - Congratulations - you'll be in on the ground floor.

I do not like this time of year.
It's boring.
It's ugly.
The weather is generally cold, nasty, wet, and unaccomodating.
I find myself withdrawing.  Hibernating.  Feeling quite irritated and anti-social.
I have lots of friends & family that I love to be with and talk to but I don't feel like it.
I feel discontented.  I make myself disconnected which leaves me feeling alone and sad.
I focus on small things.
I overthink.
I start big projects and map out even bigger ones.  Whatever it takes to distract myself from myself.

There's nothing going on.  There's nothing to do.  Nothing to plan, nothing to attend, nothing to pack for or set up for or save for.  It's b.l.a.h.  Nothin'.

Many people suffer from "Seasonal Depression".  It's not rare.  Maybe I do, too.  Maybe I should discuss it with my doctor.  When I do feel icky enough to consider "doing something about it" I feel too icky to bother.
Then, the next day, or a few days later, I generally feel "back to normal".

It passes.  It's normal, natural, the ebb-and-flow of being a thoughtful, feeling human being.
Then, something will set me off.  Someone will say something to me that I can't quite wrap my head around.  "What did that mean?"  "How did she intend me to hear that?"  "Does he know how that sounded to me?"  And I begin my obsession... 
Or something is done.  To me, to my family, to my friend, to the guy that bags my groceries or takes my $1.25 at the toll.  And I begin that obsession...
And then, I weigh in and see that I've only lost 1 pound even though I know I ate well and exercised my ass off.  Or, worse, I gained weight.  And I spiral into a self-loathing sulk that lasts a day or two.

In the Spring, I get joy from clearing out the gardens, sprucing up the outside of the house, preparing for our lives outdoors.  In the Summer I spend lots of time in the sun, at the beach, in the pool, with friends, in the gardens - all the fun, summery things that we all dream about in these yucky end-of-winter weeks.  In the Fall,  I truly enjoy the end of summer, the crisping of the air, the pumpkins, mums and apples and the holidays right around the corner.  In the Winter, I enjoy Christmas and the beautiful snowy days of January and even into February.
But now, this ugly-muddy-trampled-mostly-melted snow that covers my yard is just a reminder that winter is just about over, spring is weeks, if not months, away and summer is even farther.
The fun of the cold and snow is pretty much expired but the fun of the sun & grass is years away.

It's a yucky time of year.
And I am a generally happy, optimistic woman.  So, I figure if I feel this way about it, plenty of you probably do, too.  I hope you feel a little better now.
I do.

Maybe my scale is broken.
Maybe my math skills are off.
Maybe I am gaining muscle while losing fat.
Because - my pants are falling off and my numbers are not.

Maybe this makes me glass-half-empty, which is usually not my style but I was (AM) really looking forward to my weight dropping.  I want the LBS to MELT off... 
I am eating right and exercising.
Yes, I cheat here and there.
No, I don't work out every single day.
But, for what I've been doing, knowing what I used to do, I feel like I should have lost 20 pounds by now.
And I've lost 8.
Seriously.
8.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  But I am going to have to change some things.

More cardio.  More fat-burning, pant-till-you-puke aerobic exercise.
No cheating.  No "just one more bite" or "I'll just have one".  No more.
And I am signing up for WW again.
As much as I have gone on and on about resenting it, I have to change something and that will help me.
And right now, there is no sign-up fee which takes the sting out a bit.

So, I have to set a new goal for March because the idea that I might lose 10 pounds in the next 5 days (my Feb goal) is ludicrous.
I don't know what my March goal will be yet but tomorrow will be my new "Day One".  Weight Watchers and taking the exercising up a notch.
Get Ready!

 

This is what's left of my Valentine's Day bouquet that Jay gave me last weekend.

A week ago, it was a beautiful mixed bouquet.  

I love flowers.  

I love planting them, growing them, smelling them throughout my yard 

and through my windows all summer long.

I love cutting them and putting them in vases.

I have colored glass vases, fine crystal vases, plastic, terracotta & antique metals.

I also like to put just one big bud in an individual vase.

This particular vase came with some Fruit in it.  Another fabulous idea.

Jay loves roses.

When we were dating, and still after we were married, he would bring me a dozen red roses.

Sometimes for my birthday or Valentines Day and sometimes just because he really loves roses. 

And me.

I prefer a mixed bunch.

For many reasons.

Not the least of which is this...  

If these were roses, I wouldn't have any left.  

They would have all looked beautiful upon arrival and they would have all wilted and died together.

With a mixed bunch you get bright, beautiful blooms- small, promising buds-

mixed greenery and staggered beauty.

Thanks, Babe.  I love them.

S(n)O(w) Fun!!

Tonight we headed up to 10P.  It was time for the Quarterly and that is a guaranteed night of good friends, good food and fabulous conversation.
{As well as a fair amount of off-color humor, sarcasm, foul language and raucous laughter.}

The six of us have been hanging out for several years now and our bond has grown tighter as the years have passed.
We've seen love, marriage, divorce, miscarriages and births.
We've moved and moved again.
We've changed jobs and changed careers.
Through many hours of conversation we have learned that while we are 6 very different people, we are very much the same.
Life is not always how you plan it, life is not always how you want it but life is always a gift.
And friendship like this is the cherry on top.

And that is something we gratefully share with these guys:

Our Kiddos:

Timmy, Matthew, Wyatt and Abby with her new "best friend", Baby Gabriella.

Yeah - I feel like I've hit my groove with this "work out" thing.  I walk for 5, run for 10, walk for 5, run for 10, walk for 5.  Then I go through the "circuit" - you probably know what that is.  It is a series, or a "circuit", of weight lifting machines, each designed to work a different muscle or area of the body.  Some are easier than others.  My quads & calves, for example, are fairly strong.  I challenge you to find a mother without strong legs.  My upper body is relatively weak.  This surprised me because of all the baby-lifting I have been doing for the past 4 years.  But, there are many, many muscles and apparently, we don't need most of them until we do the circuit.
I want to get up to more running, less walking, because I love it but I don't have the stamina yet.
When I think about how I used to feel winded running up the stairs, I know I am moving in the right direction!
I love the Group aerobic classes, too (Dance Aerobics & Zumba) and I try to do Yoga at least once, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week.  I don't mean to insult the die-hard Yogies out there, but I try not to consider Yoga as part of my "exercise".  For example, there is Yoga on Wednesday nights but I still work out in the morning.  Yoga feels so good and it is very mental.  If it was all I did, though, I wouldn't be burning fat.  Yes, I'd be gaining strength and posture and peace but the cardio and strength training are most important right now.
I love this.  And I love the way my body is hardening - I feel muscles that I forgot were there.  And I am increasing the weights I am lifting.
I am not dropping lbs the way I hoped to but I guess that will come in time - at least I am getting healthier.
If I'm being honest, I gained 2 pounds this week.  This really depressed me and forced me to my first hard core run on the treadmill.
Have you heard the song "Wake Me Up Inside"?  I forget who sings it but when it comes blaring into my ears I start running and I don't think I will ever hear that song the same way again.
I can't explain the 2 pounds.  I did eat more than usual on Sunday for the Superbowl but I hardly think I should have gained 2 pounds by Tuesday's Weigh-In for having had some chili dip on Sunday.
Hopefully it was a fluke and this week brings some better results.

It's 7:30pm and my kids are both sound asleep.
I know the day will come when we will just be getting home from something at 7:30pm but for now, while my babies are still babies, I will love my life and pat myself on the back for my fabulous bedtime routine.
That day is probably sooner than I think, too.  Soccer starts at age 4 in our town so this Fall (after this Spring and this Summer) Abby will have soccer one night a week.  Crazy!
She can't wait, though, and I can't wait to be that soccer mom!  And I'm guessing that Wyatt and Daddy are going to have a good time, too.

Today we were supposed to have a big snowstorm.  A "blizzard", in fact.  Or at least a "Nor'easter".  Wind and snow with accumulations upwards of a foot.  It was supposed to start around 3am and continue into the night tonight.  They canceled school, local businesses planned to start late or closed all together.  Even my bank made today Saturday hours.
When we woke up, there was no snow.
After breakfast, Abby had it in her head that we would be building a snowman. 
But it still hadn't started.
I won't make fun of everyone for stocking up and buckling down but let's face it, this was not a world-ending, life-threatening storm.
It did start snowing eventually (about 11:30) and it's still snowing.  But it never snowed very hard and there is still probably less than 6 inches accumulated.  It is windy but we're not losing tree limbs or anything.  And tomorrow might result in a 90-minute delay for schools as everyone digs out.  The problem is, everyone thought it was going to be bad last night and this morning and it turns out, the snow is coming down the hardest now, while it's super cold and no one prepared for tomorrow to be the rough day.  Everyone thought today was going to be the toughie.  So, it will be interesting to see how everyone fares.
Me?
I don't have any pressing engagements tomorrow.

Idol started Hollywood Week last night and continues tomorrow.  I love Idol.  It is fun to watch and while I am sad that Simon is leaving, I am excited to have a special reason to enjoy the "last season".  Because, frankly, Idol will suck ass with out him so if they do try, I won't be watching.
And Ellen.  I love Ellen.  She's hilarious.  And she's an intelligent, self-confident woman.  A role model for women.  And I love that.
I like Kara, she adds humor, talent and beauty without being annoying.
I can't stand Randy.  I can't think of a single positive attribute for him.  He is annoying to look at and listen to.

Speaking of Idol, I wanted to review my television line up again.  Now that it's February, the good shows should be doing really well and the crappy shows have been canceled.  The returning shows have proved worth watching or shown how they've jumped the shark.
You may recall my previous posts about my love of television, this one in particular.  Without going back to compare line by line - here is how things have landed on my boob-tube:

Sunday nights bring "Big Love".  I can't explain that show to a non-fan.  It is brilliant and original without having to be about sex or violence.  It is realistic enough to be relate-able without adding stress to your own life.  It is funny and sad.  It is a family drama with a soap opera twist.  I love it.
Mondays have both "House" and "How I Met Your Mother".  I can't work my night around the only 1/2 hour show worth watching on CBS so I DVR "HIMYM" and watch it when I find myself with just a little bit of time and nothing else to watch.  It never disappoints.
I have been watching "House" but I am finding that it is a bit too much about the people, who are a bit too melodramatic and crazy, and not enough about the patients and the cases.  For this sort of program, I go to "Grey's Anatomy".  I miss the old Greg House.
Tues & Wed are about to be all about Idol. 
Thursday, of course, is about "Grey's Anatomy".  Now, I am a die-hard Grey's fan.  I love the show but let's take a minute here, shall we?
My friend told me that Izzie is leaving and that leaves her sad.
She also thinks that Meredith might leave and if Meredith leaves then Patrick Dempsey can't be far behind.
Now, I don't know where her information is from but let me say this:  I don't care.  I hate Izzie, first of all.  If there was a t-shirt, I'd totally be on "Team Karev".  She is a whiny, annoying pain in the rear.  She is the character they should have killed off.  She is the Marissa from The OC of Grey's Anatomy.  She humped everyone on the show, got a terminal disease, saw dead people, had her best friend run over by a truck, met her long-lost daughter, got married, got fired, ran away and now will get divorced while still unemployed.  She's spent.  Get rid of her.
It doesn't help that everything you read says that the real-life Izzie (Katherine Heigl) is a bitch.
So - get rid of her.
Meredith.  If she left, I would be sad.  I like her.  The show is called, obviously "Grey's" so if she left, it would be weird.  But - she hasn't been doing much lately.  She's happy with Derek.  She's doing her surgery thing.  She just had a baby in real life and everything is pretty happy and good.  If she did decide to leave, it would suck but it would not devastate the show.  Clooney left ER, folks.
If Patrick Dempsey left, it would leave a mark for sure.  I would not like to see him leave.  I like him as Derek Shepard and he is very nice to look at.  But he, too, could go without wrecking the show.  That's the beauty of this cast, it is ensemble which is greek for "lots of peeps".
I absolutely adore Little Grey & Eric Dane.
I really, really like Arizona Robbins.  (I like Callie but she over-acts a lot and it gets annoying but she's ok.)
Bailey has a new love interest!  And just in time, too, because she was bordering on miserable and annoying.
Cristina Yang was really, really getting on my nerves until the end of last week's show when she talked about Burke.  She redeemed herself, totally.  Surgeon First, Person Second.  That is how she should be.  Owen kisses her like hes trying to eat her - or at least bite and hurt her.  It's painful to watch.  He is not attractive and a horrible actor and needs to go.
I'd rather see Cristina as a lesbian with the new 'Cardio-God' than stay with Owen.  He's gotta go.

Phew.  I guess I had more to say than I realized.


Fri & Sat never had good shows and still don't.
"New Adventures of Old Christine" used to be a favorite but this season, I don't know if it's her or me, I find it way too annoying and miserable.
"Glee" is still one of my absolute favorite shows ever but is currently on hiatus.  When it comes back, my life will be a little bit happier.

Still love my Keurig.  I wondered if that novelty would wear off and it has not.  In fact, I just bought several new varieties including some teas & a decaf box of coffee.
I drink at least one Keurig each afternoon and a decaf or a tea after dinner.  I highly recommend "Bigelow 'I Love Lemon'" if you're interested. 

Lots of discussion around budget and school system lately.  As in most towns of this size, it is a heated debate.  Often the line is drawn where those who have no children hate to spend money on the schools seeing little to no benefit to themselves and people who do have children, totally willing to invest in their schools seeing every benefit to themselves and everyone around them.
Why do people with no kids move to towns with well-respected school systems and relatively upscale neighborhoods with fairly high taxes?  Don't they realize that this all comes at a cost?
A good school district lays the groundwork for a fine suburban town.  If you don't have kids, go live cheaper in a crappy town.
I tend to vote in favor of whatever is intended to benefit the schools.  I did this blindly in the past and now, with one child in the school system, I am a well-informed voter and I not only vote in favor of the kids but I speak passionately on behalf of that vote. 
Half-Day Kindergarten or Full-Day?  Music and Art in our schools or no?  Pay-to-Play sports?  And how often do we really need those pesky text books?
There are a lot of things that we spend frivolously on.  I don't think the teachers need a hot tub in the lounge but I won't balk at replacing a counter/fridge/stove/sink.  I don't think we have to offer free equipment for all sports for all kids, but I do think it should be available to those kids who could not play otherwise.  And I absolutely, without a doubt, would paint a sign and start a picket line on behalf of music and art in our schools.  Without music and art, where would half of these kids share their passion?  Yes, some kids have passion for math or literature, but I am willing to guess that more of them have passion for paints and drawing and song and dance.

Oh man.  I could go on and on.  I also want to go on and on about the "Great Kindergarten Debate" but I can't now.
I said too much about Grey's and I am out of blog-steam.  So, I'll save it for another night.  While I still have my nights free.

The Bu is in the shop right now.  It probably needs tires, it definitely needs an oil change and sometimes the Bu doesn't like to start so they'll have to look at that, too.  Something funny - my oil change sticker said "X Miles or October 2009".  Funny, right?  And I just hit X miles last month, January.  I don't go very far.

Last night's Yoga class worked my lower back and abs in a way that was both painful and amazing.
As I sit here, I am straight up tall, still feeling the burn and absolutely, without a doubt, craving more yoga.  I must have looked at the class schedule for the club a half dozen times this morning.  Nope.  Still no Yoga in my day.  I need to buy the Wii Fit Plus.  It's only $20 and it would fill this craving for me.  Plus, both kids love Yoga so I wouldn't need them out of the way to do it, they can do it with me.  And I happen to have $15 in Toys R Us dollars...  so we'll see how this works it's little self out.

Speaking of cravings.  I have been craving a trip to the mall with the kids.  Back in the old days, I could put the kids in the car any time I wanted and go wherever I wanted.  In these busy, activity-filled days I have to schedule a leisurely trip to the mall weeks ahead of time.  And right now, I am looking at a day over February break.  I'll have Q&K and K hates the mall but I can barter a day with one of his friends' moms and get there without him.
The "Germ Tank", the Carousel, Barnes & Noble...  maybe a little Yankee Candle while I'm there! 
I unabashedly love the mall.
In fact, the other day Abby was snuggling me and she said "yummmmm, you smell like the mall, mommy."  That was a high compliment, as I am raising a mallrat in case you hadn't noticed.  I believe what she was smelling was my deliciously sexy new perfume, "Heavenly" from Victoria's Secret but I thanked her with no further explanation.  

So, I mentioned my January-end Weigh-in.  I did lose weight in January.
I officially started this diet on Monday, January 4th.  Today, Tuesday February 2nd I am down 8 pounds.
That is a very healthy loss of approximately 2 pounds per week.  And I should be proud of that. 
I have changed my habits, replaced some I didn't want to change altogether with healthier choices.  I have been exercising, taking my vitamins, drinking my water.  All in all, I am very pleased with how I feel.

I am disappointed that I missed my 10 pound goal by only 2 pounds. 
I can blame it on Abby's birthday parties at which I ate "not good" food.
I can blame the fact that Wyatt was sick and I couldn't have left him in the daycare center at the club.
But mostly it is just a gradual change in my lifestyle and if I had lost 20 pounds in my first month, that probably would not have been healthy.  I probably would have been setting myself up for failure.  And now, as I sit at 8 pounds lighter, I feel energized and revved up for more.  Like, this 8 was a warm up and now the fun begins!
So, my realistic goal for February is 10 pounds.  I would like to lose 10 more pounds this month for a total of 18.

I promise to go to Zumba, which I absolutely love, at least once a week.  I promise to work Group Groove into my routine for at least once a week.  And I promise to continue to do Yoga at least twice a week.  In between I will walk & run on the treadmill and go through the Circuit.
I enjoy all of these activities and it feels really good.  I also enjoy routine (sometimes to a fault) and working these into my patterns makes it all the more of an accomplishment for me.
I never thought I would have time to exercise.  It was always my biggest excuse.
And now I can't imagine not exercising.  Almost as much as I can't imagine ever smoking again.

I talk about moving a lot.  I want a bigger house; a better house.  Then, when I consider what I want (a new, spacious, 4 bedroom Colonial with a wrap-around porch and an in-ground pool) I realize that we are not in a position to buy that (or build that) in the town we live in.
So, I decided that I could live anywhere.  As long as I have the house I want, I don't care where we live.  Other towns are a lot less expensive to buy in and even more have much lower taxes.
So, I would leave this town and the life we have built for ourselves and our children here.  All for the big house.
Wrong.
When did my mind set change like that?
I love our town.  I want to raise my kids here.  I care about the town government and school system.  I'm proud of them, I'm involved in them.
I know the moms that are involved.  They know me.  We know eachother's kids.
That matters.
I want Wyatt to go to Abby's school.  I want Abby to go to kindergarten with her friends.
I want a bigger house; a better house.
But I won't get it this year.  I will enjoy and appreciate my perfect, beautiful, warm and love filled home, right where it is.