The Raft

I do not like this time of year.
It's boring.
It's ugly.
The weather is generally cold, nasty, wet, and unaccomodating.
I find myself withdrawing.  Hibernating.  Feeling quite irritated and anti-social.
I have lots of friends & family that I love to be with and talk to but I don't feel like it.
I feel discontented.  I make myself disconnected which leaves me feeling alone and sad.
I focus on small things.
I overthink.
I start big projects and map out even bigger ones.  Whatever it takes to distract myself from myself.

There's nothing going on.  There's nothing to do.  Nothing to plan, nothing to attend, nothing to pack for or set up for or save for.  It's b.l.a.h.  Nothin'.

Many people suffer from "Seasonal Depression".  It's not rare.  Maybe I do, too.  Maybe I should discuss it with my doctor.  When I do feel icky enough to consider "doing something about it" I feel too icky to bother.
Then, the next day, or a few days later, I generally feel "back to normal".

It passes.  It's normal, natural, the ebb-and-flow of being a thoughtful, feeling human being.
Then, something will set me off.  Someone will say something to me that I can't quite wrap my head around.  "What did that mean?"  "How did she intend me to hear that?"  "Does he know how that sounded to me?"  And I begin my obsession... 
Or something is done.  To me, to my family, to my friend, to the guy that bags my groceries or takes my $1.25 at the toll.  And I begin that obsession...
And then, I weigh in and see that I've only lost 1 pound even though I know I ate well and exercised my ass off.  Or, worse, I gained weight.  And I spiral into a self-loathing sulk that lasts a day or two.

In the Spring, I get joy from clearing out the gardens, sprucing up the outside of the house, preparing for our lives outdoors.  In the Summer I spend lots of time in the sun, at the beach, in the pool, with friends, in the gardens - all the fun, summery things that we all dream about in these yucky end-of-winter weeks.  In the Fall,  I truly enjoy the end of summer, the crisping of the air, the pumpkins, mums and apples and the holidays right around the corner.  In the Winter, I enjoy Christmas and the beautiful snowy days of January and even into February.
But now, this ugly-muddy-trampled-mostly-melted snow that covers my yard is just a reminder that winter is just about over, spring is weeks, if not months, away and summer is even farther.
The fun of the cold and snow is pretty much expired but the fun of the sun & grass is years away.

It's a yucky time of year.
And I am a generally happy, optimistic woman.  So, I figure if I feel this way about it, plenty of you probably do, too.  I hope you feel a little better now.
I do.