So, tonight we Trick or Treated.
In 2006, we took Abby, our 9 month old Pumpkin, to a neighbor's pizza party.

It was, apparently, the last year of a neighborhood tradition. And it was perfect because we wanted to dress up our baby girl but of course, she was too little for ToT.

In 2007, Wyatt was 2 weeks old when Halloween rolled in, so we did what any parents would do - especially since I was recovering from C-Section #2.
We tucked the brand new boy into my jacket and hit a few houses with the Duck you see below:


Tonight... well, tonight was like our first Halloween.
Seriously - when we explained to Abby that on Halloween you get to dress up in a costume and go outside - at night - and see a whole bunch of other kids doing the same thing - and you get candy for it. Well. Her head just about exploded.
It really makes you remember what makes Halloween so special. As far as "holidays" go, this is a pretty stupid one. We're not Thankful for anything, we're not Celebrating anyone... "All Hallow's Eve" is evil, in fact (I think). Nothing to celebrate.
But when you're teetering on 3 years old and your parents are telling you to put on your Princess/Butterfly/Bal-ma-rina costume so that we can go outside - and NOT to bed - to get candy with all of your friends... well, there's nothing evil about that.
And the monkey was pretty psyched, too:



Happy Halloween!

I started my Christmas shopping. Almost a month ago, actually. I have gotten a few real toughies out of the way.
Now, I am trying to finish my niece & nephew in Scotland, because I want to wrap and ship before Thanksgiving and I am having a hard time.
I bought my niece a High School Musical thing that my sister says she will really like.
I want her to have something she will really like. Right?! But it wasn't that fun to buy. That's the thing with kids sometimes. They like shit that leaves you scratching your head. But the important thing is that they like it. And I remain the greatest aunt ever.
{Actually - my nieces have publicly declared their favorite aunts and uncles. I am not #1. Jay has been #1 though. Not sure if that list changes as frequently as I suspect, but I would have to guess it changes with the weather.}
I am also having a tough time with my nephew. I bought him a few fun Bob the Builder things for his birthday, which is also in December, so I thought I would go the clothes route for Christmas. He needs clothes and since he is almost 2, he doesn't really care.
And can you believe I am not having any luck? I can't find anything cute enough!
I love Baby Gap. I haven't found anything there.
I went to Kohls and JCP, in search of cute Carters-type stuff. Nothing.
Checked Gymboree, Children's Place, Janie & Jack. Nothing.
I could go for a toy. But now I am on a mission.

I think I got the green light from the boss to purchase a buffet table for our dining room.
Whenever we have a party, we have to drag up the big folding table. It is a great table, well worth the purchase. But it is huge and forces me to alter my decor. I hate that.
I take a lot of pride in my home and what better time to have it at it's best than when I have 30-40 of our friends and family over? But, no - I have to shift my dining room around and pull out a table cloth to cover up our giant utility table to be able to serve a ton of food and still allow people room to sit down.
Again, the table is great. And there will always be a need for it. But not in my otherwise beautiful dining room.
So - I am searching. The buffet table I have always wanted, is on sale at JCPenney. It actually matches my table and chairs. But now.... now that I am a click away from actually purchasing it... is it the right one? Have I looked far and wide?
I have a great wall shelf thingy over where the table will go. It's huge. The table will be shorter than the wall shelf. Does that matter? Do I care?
If I have to move the wall shelf, is that the end of the world?
I have a magical way of making the simplest thing into a gigantic plan and project. And I can see where someone might be saying "oh, just buy the freakin' table you have wanted for so long. It will be gone before you make a decision, you anal-retentive maniac!" But I am truly, completely serious here - I am perplexed... the table is almost 4 feet long. The wall shelf is 5 feet long. Is it going to look top heavy?
You know what would look great over the buffet? A long mirror.
But then, where would I put the beautiful shelf? Jay's uncle made it and we really like it. It would go nicely in my bedroom, actually...
So - where do I find a mirror?

Ok - thanks for your help.

Here's Baxter:

He is a really good dog. He isn't really big on... listening... coming when he's called... not jumping on people, young or old... not eating baby bottles, cheese crackers, Lambies, whatever... But there is something about this dog, you only have to meet him once. He is a good dog. He is a dog's dog. And he is so soft and he just looks at you like "love me. please." And you will.
He was stranded in New Orleans after Katrina. He was rescued and cleaned up and then rescued to his new, permanent home here on Charles Lane. And he is a happy boy.

Here's Baxter's house, look at that Autumn sky:


Here's the view, looking down, when you are a 2 & 1/2 year old, swinging in Baxter's backyard:


And here's that view, looking up:


Good day.

Censorship sucks.
People should be able to say and do what makes them happy, assuming, of course, that it doesn't cause harm to other people - because then those people wouldn't be happy. Catch my drift?
So, I don't believe in censorship - specifically on a Blog. I mean, come on - why does one blog? To spout off on one's feelings, opinions, hopes and dreams, right?
And sometimes I censor myself. I don't say exactly what I want to, whether it's because I think it through and it's mean, or because I think "ooh, I don't want so-and-so to think I mean them" even if I don't.
So, I have decided to letmy guard down tonight. There are a few things I want to get off my chest.
My entire life people have been telling me "Filter" or "You shouldn't say that" or "Watch how you say that" or "shut the fuck up, you loud mouthed bitch". Ok, maybe that last one wasn't said to my face very often, but we all know it's been thought on more than one occassion.
As I am now 32, a mother of 2 and a very satisfied wife and homemaker there isn't, frankly, much I don't say. A good part of that is because I simply don't have a lot of things to complain about, I don't let little things bother me and I stay positive. Being that way helps me "filter", so to speak, because I don't have much to say.
Anyway, I do have a few things on my mind tonight.

First of all - Carol, you crazy, grudge-holding witch. I never meant to hurt your feelings or cause you any harm. I have never and would never say or do anything to purposefully hurt you. So, get over it, get over me, move on and quit talking shit. It weighs on me and it makes me feel sad for you. So, quit it, so we can both feel better.

Lastly - Separation of Church and State, people!!
You may not ever abort a baby. You may not ever marry someone of the same gender. But you know what? That's your personal decision. You don't know what would lead someone to having to make such a decision and it is not up to you to make it for them. It is that simple. Some things are left to God, not the Government of the United States of America.

That's it for tonight. This post sounds far more negative than I actually feel - and if you think about it, these are the ONLY things bothering me at the moment. That's pretty good, huh?

Driving home from Stop & Shop today, I was on the phone with Jay when Abby piped up from the back seat "mama! I'm fallin'! I need to be strapped in!"
Yeah.
Worst Mom Ever.
She gets herself in her carseat by herself now, so she is usually doing that while I get Wyatt in. Today, when we were checking out, Wyatt managed to squeeze my cold but half full coffee until it spilled all over him and the checkout lane and it left me a little rattled. I was embarrassed and I sort of ran out of the store.
And, of course, there was a very nice man behind me with his 2 boys, same ages as my kids (of course, we were chatting while we waited, what would you expect?) who noticed Wyatt with the coffee before I did, even though I was standing between that guy and my kid.
The whole thing was stupid and embarrassing and silly and no big deal to anyone but me, but it sort of explains why I was rattled, right?
And there's my sweet little girl, nervous and law-abiding, calling for me to strap her in.

Worst Doctor Ever
You may know that I worship my ObGyn. Dr. Neville Graham, Hartford ObGyn Group. He, in my opinion, is the founding father of all things obstetric and gynecologic. The man knows what he's doing. And, he surrounds himself by almost-equally fabulous doctors and staff. Both of my pregnancies were flawless - and I never felt anything but safe and comfortable.
That said, I am now done with making, growing and delivering babies, so I found myself with a sinus infection and no one to prescribe my antibiotic. I was forced to find a General Practicioner. Jay likes his, so I signed up. The practice is run by the Dad and his daughter and her husband are also doctors.
The first time I went, it was for bloodwork leading towards a full physical. The bloodwork was a 7am appointment so I didn't take much time to look around. Plus, it was a technician, a simple blood draw, nothing to really observe or critique.
So, when I went in a week later for my physical, I was on full alert - taking it all in, trying to get a feel.
My first indicator was that I was about 10 minutes late. And when I approached the window, the fat woman behind it said I would have to reschedule, they could not fit me in. I apologized, explained that my sitter ran late and I had missed the turn into the parking lot and had to fight traffic turning around to try it again - all true. She stared at me like I was speaking another language. But she let me in.
The doctor I met, we'll call her "Dr. Deb", since that's her name, was a very large but soft spoken woman. The first thing I noticed was that she was wearing dyke-sandals and she had thick, yellowish toe nails. Ew. But, whatever.
She gave me a very thorough physical, everything from eyes, ears and "anything bothering you". Yes, something was bothering me, in fact. I had some pretty serious pain in my right side. It seemed to coincide with my period and was excruciating some days. She did some pressing and poking and sent me for an ultrasound. She also told me to see my Ob. No problem, I had an appointment in 3 weeks for my annual. "No, go now." Okay, way to freak me out.
I went for the ultrasound, expecting the worst to only see a puzzled expression on the technician's face when she said there is absolutely nothing to speak of. {And that was almost disappointing considering how very unlpleasant an internal ultrasound is, especially when there is no little jumping bean to get excited about.}
Anyway - this wasn't supposed to be so long, so, long story a little less long: no one found anything wrong with me. My Ob put me on the Pill (not Dr. G, the Nurse Prac from the office, whom I hate and I should have pushed back cuz the pain is still there so it clearly wasn't an "ovulation issue", but that's neither here nor there, at least not in this post). Back to "Dr. Deb"...
I went in yesterday, to have 2 lesions removed. Just ugly little scar-bumps that bugged me that she assured me she could get rid of. They didn't present any danger, they were just ugly, so I agreed. As I was looking around this "Family Practice" I did begin to notice a trend of marketing, though. A LOT of marketing for Laser Hair Removal, Laser Scar Removal. Honestly, more uneccesary, cosmetic marketing than in my Dermotoligist's office. I am not kidding. (UConn Health Center in West Hartford - Great Office).
So, I go in yesterday, with the kids. First obstacle: 2 kids, 1 stroller, 2 flights of stairs to the waiting room. There is a "Lift", and to use it allI had to do was unlock the door and press the "Call button". Unfortunately, there was no key to unlock this door (do all handicapped clients just get a key when they sign up?) and the only button I saw was large and red, indicating some sort of alarm may sound if not an atomic explosion. So, I hauled Wyatt up the stairs in his little umbrella stroller and Abby climbed. No big whoop.
Then I get there and there is a load of toys. Ew. Does anyone else realize that the toys in the doctor's office have got to be the dirtiest, germiest, most horrifying things a mother can lay eyes on? Luckily, the very socially-challenged office women called me in almost immediately.
Once I was in the office with Dr. Deb... she asked me how I was and I said I was annoyed that I had to climb stairs with a stroller. She had no explanation. Then i mentioned a billing issue that her office staff has been giving me the run-around about. She said "I really don't know anything about billing." Then I said there was something about my right ear that concerned me, sometimes I can't hear and I get dizzy and I think it might be clogged. She said she would have to schedule me in another room to check it and she wasn't sure what time that would be. I said forget it. Then she said "so, what are we doing today?" Really? Is this a hair salon? "A little off the wrist and lower leg, lady, thanks."
Then, she shot Novicaine into my wrist and leg and pulled out her little napkin full of rusty tools and began carving into my body while my 2 year old stared on in horror. Seriously. She took care of my weirdo-scar-bumps with a rusty scalpel.
Did I assume that was how it was going ot happen? In this world of lasers? No. Would I have brought my ever-inquisitive almost-3 year old daughter in to watch? No.
So - when we were just about done, Abby had to pee, Wyatt was crying form exhaustion and boredom and Dr. Deb offers to schedule me to take the stitch out (my leg needed a stitch - is another cut, witha stictch, really going to eliminate my original problem?!) she says "come back in a week. Or - you can just snip it yourself."
Really? I can remove the stitch myself? Why didn't I just suck down a bottle of whiskey and slice the fucking scar off with a straight edge? I really could have done this whole horrifying thing myself, wouldn't ya say, DEB!?
Anyway - I got the fuck out of there and I do not plan on ever going back. Ever. I will just say I have pain in my vagina, get an appointment at HOGG and then let them know I just need some Amoxocillin.

Children's Medicines
So, Abby is sick. No biggie. She has a runny nose, stuffy head, sore throat, fever... she cries a lot, wants to be held and needs a lot more sleep than she wants to have. It is sweet and sad and adorable.
Wyatt was due for his 1-Year check up so I brought Abby, too, and had Dr. Ram check her out.
**I am not a doctor's nightmare - I called first and made sure it was ok.** He prescribed her a decongestant and something to help suppress her cough so she could sleep better at night. Perfect. We've all been there. 2-year olds can't suck down Nyquil and Sudafed, they need a doctor's care. I don't ever think I will be the kind of parent who ever ignores a runny nose. Really. You just never know, it's worth the $20 co-pay to me.
My point?
Pop a kid full of medicine and even the sickest kid instantly thinks she's superwoman. "I'm all betta, mama!" No, baby, you need to go to sleep.

Worst Wife Ever
Yesterday was my 7th Wedding Anniversary. Jay and I have been "together" for almost 11 years, married 7. Cute, huh? I am the worst wife ever.
Jay brought me roses and a lovely card.
I forgot a card and fell asleep with Abby at 7pm. And slept through the night. He moved her out of our bed and climbed in next to me and I didn't budge.
How gross am I??

Aetna Girls
Just want to send a "shout out" to the Aetna Girls that are reading this right now. With Jay leaving the company, it has sent us down Memory Lane a lot lately. He certainly has his own path but some of my favorite memories involve Monica and Sue; Daisy; That girl who worked with you girls in the Call Center who's name I forget but she was totally bitchy and fun; Kim Mazzolla-Johnston-Egan (whom I still love so much as one of my very bestest)... I have to stop there because if I list more names and forget a bunch, that's mean.

Sucker for a Rooster I will close this ridiculously long post (fucking Dr. Deb, that was way too long) with a declaration of my love for all things rooster related. We are shopping for an area rug for the kids' section othe newly-designed basement. Plain, colorful, soft and large. And cheap. I don't want to spend a fortune on something that will ultimately eat play-doh, apple juice and puke.
And what to my wandering eyes should appear? Many large, round, rooster rugs.
We'll see what happens with this one.

I check my Yahoo mail a little more often than I check Facebook which I check more often than I check MySpace. And I check my Yahoo 2 or 3 times a month. So, yeah, if you need me, text or email Loshsplace.
Anyway.
Today I checked Yahoo, anxiously awaiting Uncle Carlos' Snapfish invitation and I had an email from Pampers.
I no longer have any use for Pampers. None.
Isn't that crazy?
Abby wears a Pull-Up at night. It has Princesses on it and she hates to actually pee on the Princesses, but she does, almost every night. But even those are made by Huggies.
And Wyatt uses Huggies. They fit his fat little thighs better than the Pampers did. So, I'm done with Pampers. But for 2 and a half years, buying Pampers was VERY important to me. I would often pull out my cell to use the Calculator to figure out what I was paying per diaper. I am a deal hunter. It kills me to pay more than I have to.
Now, I buy Huggies. I can get them at the big BJ's for $35 a case, with coupons it comes down to 28 cents a diaper. Not a bad deal.

Anyway. Today was my baby boys' birthday party. Jay and I worked very hard preparing for today. The trick is to do every single thing you can ahead of time. With proper planning, the day of the party can be very smooth and allow for plenty of time to actually enjoy the friends and family that we gathered together. And I do so love my friends and my family. In the very beginning, I get a little crazy- trying to get food rolling, make sure everyone has drinks and met anyone that they might not have met or remember meeting. And I need to make sure that Wyatt is happy - because I wasn't sure if he would be super-social or totally overwhelmed. He was super-social. He loved his day.
I need to check myself at times because my tendency to be ridiculously controlling and my unrelenting desire for everything to be perfect can be off-putting to innocent bystanders who are just standing in the kitchen - right in front of the oven or behind the island between me and my sink or fridge. Really - do I think people read my mind? I need to relax. :) But, at the same time, do people think I am have super powers that can allow me to see or walk through them when I am trying to feed 45 people and my kitchen is where 42 of them want to stand?
Anyway.
I saw my brother-in-law for 45 seconds, then he left. He had some shopping to do, I think.
I saw my BFF and her beautiful baby boy. They stayed the latest. And I love that.
My aunts and cousin came. They also brought my uncle. He is not a huge "birthday party guy" but he hadn't been here in a while and was feeling the love this weekend. It was wonderful to see him. He is fun, laid back and happy. It's nice to be around positive people.

I am a positive person. I love life. I feel very certain that "what comes around, goes around", and I don't think that conflicts with my faith in God, but if it does, then I am just not explaining it properly.

My husband resigned from his current employer and accepted a position with a small firm. He is taking a leap of faith. "Leaving the nest", if you will... He has worked for his large, Global corporation for almost 10 years. But he grew up in it and he was ready to spread his wings. I am overwhelmed with pride. I am proud of him, excited for him, thrilled for us - what this means to us is very hard to put in words, but it's a huge deal and we are so happy.

More on the bday party later. With pictures.

I think I'm done with Martha.
Her magazine, anyway.
I have been getting it for years and this is the holiday season and ya know what? She doesn't have anything new to offer me. Martha, I just don't feel that spark anymore!

Jay & I will be hosting Christmas Eve this year. I am thrilled.
At first, I didn't want to because I love to go to church on Christmas Eve. I love singing Silent Night with a candle, seeing all the little kids all decked out in their holiday gear... but, ya know what?
I haven't been to church on Christmas Eve since the 80s. So - I am moving past that childhood memory. I am embracing my new tradition.
That new tradition is that we host our family (you are ALL welcome) for Soup, Bread, Appetizers (hot & cold), drinks, coffee, dessert and gifts. We get stuffed on lots of different foods rather than a big sit-down meal, drink a lot of wine and celebrate!

Wyatt's party is Saturday. I am so freakin' excited!
Tomorrow is his birthday. This night, last year, I was scared fucking shitless.

Babysat for Q & K all day today. Holy Shit. There is not enough money in the great state of CT to convince me to be a daycare provider. And that is only part of why I will never send my children to daycare. I lose my patience pretty easily. I don't take for granted that these kids know and love me. What if they didn't? What if I made them feel scared or unsafe? Would I care if I was owrrying about making rent or putting food on my family's table? My point is this: most daycare providers do it because they need the money. Is it too much to assume that they are either not qualified for or don't want to work at a full-time job that pays this well? I will never put my children in the care of someone who's main concern is making money off of them.
Actually - my point of this was just going to be that I am so exhausted. And Q & K are good. Yeah, they get annoying, don't all kids? I'm sure they get annoyed with me, too. But watching 2 kids all day, in addition to my own 2?! No thanks!
Let's hope we don't get a lot of snow this year!!

Anyone know a recipe for a good dip to serve with Beer Bread?
I am thinking of making the bread for Saturday, so something I could whip up at home, not order from a specialty shop, would be great!

My baby boy is going to be one in 6 days. One Year Old. Meaning, one year ago today I was a fat, angry, terrified woman - a mother of one precious, angelic baby girl.
In one year, my baby girl turned into a "Big Girl". In one year she started walking, started running, climbing, going to gymnastics and karate (according to her - today, when a neighbor asked her if she was in school she replied "no, I go to gymnastics and karate" Really?! And seriously, did this neighbor really think that she was in school? Duh. anyway...) and is already planning her wedding to Baby Ben. Poor guy - he's barely 6 months on this Earth and she's already got his shit mapped out.
Wouldn't that be something? Imagine if my baby girl and my best friend's baby boy got married? We talked about that today a bit - I wonder if that would be wonderful, as far as mother-in-laws go or the worst possible thing ever.
Where was I?
Oh, right - the Boy.

A year ago he looked like this:



Ok, it was more like this:


Then, he looked like this - for about 6 months straight:

(yeah, he's nursing - sweet, right? And a good shot, too, since I took this pic with my camera phone while nursing him.)

Now, he is trying to walk, he stands up and looks around like he's about to figure it out but in the meantime crawls faster than anything I have ever seen, laughs out loud, flirts like a miniature man, eats as much as his sister, chatters all day about nothing (well, I'm sure it's something, but we don't understand it yet) and just basically grew into the cutest, most lovable, STINKIEST, chubbiest, sweetest, most delicious little man-man I have ever seen.
Don't believe me?
Look:

Ah... this is the life. Just watching them grow, enjoying every sweet minute with them... year after year. Wyatt's first year was extraordinary. It was easier than my first year being Abigail's mom. I was a better mom to start with - that is where the second makes out. They come into an experienced parenting relationship. I don't freak out (as much), I don't over-protect (as much). I enjoy the little things more. I appreciate the time more. I love, appreciate and wonder over every tiny thing. From sounds and expressions to movements and intentions.
I will never look back on these days and say "woulda, coulda, shoulda" cuz I am sitting back now, trying to do it all. And I won't do it all - no one can, but I will continue to try.

Sometimes Wyatt cries out in his sleep. Loud. Hysterical. Frightened cries.
I am used to this. Abby talks in her sleep. Long, in-depth conversations.

Anyway, my point here is Wyatt, though... I know he is sleeping. I can tell by his sounds when he is sleeping and when he's awake. But sometimes I can't help it, I go up anyway. I sneak into his room, so quietly, just to peek at him. But that kid wakes up at the sound of a leaf rustling in the woods. And he almost always wakes up. And he did tonight, as he often does.
He sits up, eyes barely open but sleepy grin plastered on his face. And I will lean into the crib and smile - it's dark, so we have to get close to see each other's faces. And he'll giggle, which makes me giggle, which makes him giggle more. Then he's standing up, arms up - well, half up because he's also holding Woobie and possibly sucking his thumb...
Then I'm holding him, and he lays across me, like a tiny baby. And I hold him so tight and he sniggles in, smiling with his eyes closed, sucking his thumb and rubbing Woobie. And smiling, with his little eyes closed...
There is nothing more precious than a warm, happy, sleepy baby.

And sometimes, when he doesn't wake up, I just stare... I stare at my sleeping baby and he looks so peaceful and he looks exactly like my first sleeping baby, his big sister. They are the same sweetness, the same peace, the same deliciously adorable bundles of love.

Man, I love being their mommy.