The Raft

Kitty.
Just this morning I was thinking, 'wow, it'll be 4 weeks tomorrow since I last saw my Kitty.' And just last night, I closed the garage door all the way. I had been leaving it open for him, not that he would ever go in the garage - the cat demanded to be let in, he didn't just settle in at garage level. Anyway. I left the garage open while I was at my mom's and something got into the garbage. There was not a big mess, just a turned over can and some nibbled Dunkin wrappers. But, the idea that whatever did that might make a home in my garage freaked me out. If Kitty were to come home, he would howl at the back door, like always.
My point is this - this week, 4 weeks since his disappearance, I was feeling myself sort of starting to let go.
Then, today my next door neighbor tells me she thinks she saw him in her yard. Now, I am sad and worried all over again.

9/24
Tomorrow is September 24th. Four years ago tomorrow we moved into this house. Happy Anniversary, 131!

Dump.
You know you think I am about to tell you about poop of some kind. You wouldn't be a fan of my Blog if you didn't know I had a poop obsession.
But, no, sorry to disappoint. This is actually about the dump. I went today. First time ever. And I dumped a whole basement's worth of shitty carpeting and padding. It was awesome. It was so awesome, I am going through this house tomorrow and bringing a whole bunch more shit that annoys me and dumping that shit, too.

Wyatt.
Wywy had his 1-Year Portraits done today. They really do a fine job at Target. Or maybe it's just Jackie, the photographer there. She did Abby's 2-Year pics and they came out good, too. More importantly, the experience was a good one. I love professional pictures. They are just so... well, neat. And organized. :)
While in Target we bought Wywy a toy that he can push around. He has shown a great deal of interest in walking but can't quite do it yet. He stands there, thinking about it, then sits down and crawls. But when he has something to push, he can walk. He pushes anything that will stay with him, and he gets very angry when it slips away or stops at a wall. I think he'll like the toy.
Professional pics and toy-pushing pics to come...

Abby.
Yes, of course she had her pictures taken, too. And yes, of course, she got a toy, too.

3WE.
This is Night 12. It's not getting much easier but it's not harder, either. I feel like a single mother. Too proud to ask for help, too lonely and tired to give a fuck.
People offer their help... "call me if you need anything". Yeah? Ya mean it? How about this: "Hi. I am very hungry, so are my children. But we don't have time to fix a decent meal so we have eaten Dunkin almost every day for a meal and for dinner we have had pasta about 4 times and tonight we had cheeseburgers on bread and raw carrots. How about a fucking dish of lasagna, asshole?!" I don't know. Is it me? If I had a friend with 2 kids who's husband was going away for 3 weeks, I would be cooking. I would be handing her meals, breads and cookies. Is it just me?!
Whatever.
My mommy is coming next Tuesday. She'll bring food.

Sleeping.
My friend Kim posted a blog with a simple picture of her baby boy sleeping on her chest. He is still tiny enough to do that and I felt a little pang of sadness when I saw it. I will never have a teeny-tiny do that again. That teeny-time goes very quickly - and that is a blessing and a curse. I am not and never claimed to be a huge fan of that time. But I am more and more sure of the fact that I am done, and ready to make a permanent decision about being done. But that picture panged me a bit.
Then, tonight. I was snuggling my baby girl. She will be 3 in January. She holds conversations and challenges me and remembers everything. But tonight, she had just had a warm bathie. She had on cozy jammies and she smelled delicious. I cuddled her in her bed for about 25 minutes while we read stories then just snuggled until she fell asleep. Then she was asleep. And I stared at her and I thought, "You're right, Kim. There is nothing better than this."
Then I went in to check on the Boy. He was on his belly, hiney in the air, Woobie clutched under his arm, snoring like an 80-year old man. He was wearing a red and brown puppy sleeper with feet. It's cold at night but not "heat on" cold yet. Not at $4 a gallon. So a fleece sleeper with feet for the boy who doesn't stay under covers yet is perfect.

Barbie.
I mentioned Abby got a toy. She chose an African-American (is that still the pc way to refer to a black chick?) Ballerina Barbie. She wore a purple tutu. I say "wore" because between the time I finished strapping Abby into her car seat and got into my seat in the front of the car, the Barbie was naked. And she had lost a shoe.
On the drive home, I was hoping both kids would fall asleep but no, not my kids. Wyatt played with the sun visor on his seat the whole ride (same thing he did all the way home from Brewster Sunday. weirdo.) Abby talked to that new Barbie the entire time. She was telling her all about her room and her other Barbies and her Princesses... "and there are lots of other princeress dolls. and Yes! they will all be your friends. It will be so nice and we will all be so happy..." She is truly the hostess with the mostess.

End.
That's it for now. My mom told me today that my sister, Deborah, is also addicted to Grey's Anatomy right now but she is a few episodes (maybe a whole season) ahead of me. I am about to watch the finale of Season 3. Then I take a short break to watch Sex & the City, the Movie. Then onto Season 4. I am recording Season 5's premiere on Thursday. Hopefully I will catch up before Season 5 is over!
Ok, goodnight.