I'm Coming Out

Remember that commercial?
I'm comin' out, I want the world to know...
I cringed every time those bellies sang.


If my belly could talk, it would look like this:

I have had "someone-might-see-my-belly"-itis for years now and I am tired of it.
When I nursed Abby & Wyatt, I covered up.  Not because I didn't want someone to see my boob, not because I was ashamed or private...  because I knew that lurking right under the glorious act of feeding my child was my nasty fat roll.   And catching a glimpse of a fat roll under a t-shirt is one thing but blatantly seeing a woman's fat, white gut is just gross.  I don't even like looking at it myself, never mind sitting in a cuddly position with my lovey little baby knowing that my blubber is hanging out for all the world to see.
I don't like seeing another woman's fat rolls, either.  I do, however, enjoy a nice, tight stomach on a woman.  Not in a sexual way, more in a "cute shoes, where'd ya get 'em" way.  I want that belly.  I want the belly that has no problem changing it's shirt in front of people.  I want the belly that doesn't mind if it's t-shirt flies up in the middle of Yoga or while jumping rope in Cardio.
I'd like a belly that I am not able to pick up in my hands.  Seriously.  We're beyond pinching an inch here, people.

So, yes, I am still watching what I eat and working out at the gym.  I will forever watch my caloric and fat grams intakes and weigh myself on Fridays more religiously than I attend church.
But I am working more and more Abs into my routines.  Working my abs has become my current obsession and I swear, I can already see and feel results.  Exercise is amazing, isn't it?

I had 2 C-sections.  Prior to my children being born I was not exactly flaunting a waistline gem or piercing anything other than my ears.
But after having 2 c-sections where all of your abdominal muscles are literally sliced in half to be able to reach the uterus and remove the baby, it makes regaining strength and having a gut to be proud of that much harder.
I am not planning to buy a bikini in my thirties after not even being able to wear one in my teens but I wouldn't mind having a Tankini option where I would not have to worry about the top floating up and my belly hanging down.
So, I'm working on it.

Once in my life I remember having a belly that I was ok with.  Granted, that was a particularly dark period of low self esteem where drinking to excess & puking replaced eating & digesting.  That combined with an average sized growth spurt for a 15-year old girl made me about as long and lean as I have ever been.
And while I often remember those days of cheap beers and camp fires fondly, it was not the healthiest way to drop the excess baggage.

So, maybe this summer, I'm coming out.  Or at least, maybe, a little bit of shy peeking around the corner...