The Raft

Loose Ends.
I hate them.
I like to say what I mean and mean what I say.  When conflicts arise, I crave resolution.  It's not that I crave confrontation, but I need to say why I feel the way I feel and I need to know why you feel and act the way that you do.
I have a hard time "just letting it be".
I like to tie things up, wrap it up, finish it.
And usually for the better.  Because very rarely is there a point I won't hear, a direction I won't ponder or a bit of advice that I won't at least respect enough to consider if not follow.

Sometimes, it's better to just shut up and get out.

As I am in my thirities, ticking off experience after experience in life - I have realized a few things.
One of those things is that Life is not an episode of Family Ties.
Another of those things is that I won't always understand the 5 W's.
Another of those things is that perception is nine tenths of the law.

And I have been reminding myself of that more and more.
I know now, at 33 that I was as ignorant at 23 as I will likely think I am at 33 when I'm 43.  But I am grateful that I am getting better with age.

When I think I know how someone feels or wish for them to feel a certain way - I try, very hard, to stop myself and remind myself that I do not, in fact, have any idea what someone else's perception of the situation is.
It might be - and very likely is - very different from mine.  And for that, I have to simply accept that I cannot resolve every single situation to my liking.

Reminding myself of what I can do helps.

Maybe it's my childhood of half-hour sitcoms and hour-long dramas.
Maybe it's an emotional by-product of what is a fairly decent case of OCD in my adulthood.
But when I find myself in a situation that is simply baffling to me, a situation I cannot possibly understand never mind try to fix, I try to remember what I can do.

When people, my people, are doing things that I don't agree with or that I wish they would not do - I try to accept them anyway.  In spite of myself. 
Why is that so much easier for some people than others?
I need to remind myself that I do not know the intricacies of their day to day, of their relationships, of their own little voices telling them and reminding them what to do.

Quick story - husband and wife, married happily for over 40 years.  3 grown children and about to embark on a new life together in retirement.  Husband leaves wife for another woman.  Wife is devastated, never saw it coming.

You never know someone else's perception.

My dad had (has?) a sign in his den and I'm paraphrasing here but it said "you don't know a man until you've walked a thousand miles in his moccasins".

True.  Dat.

And we can only control ourselves, our actions and reactions.
It really is that simple.  Being happy with yourself is the first and last step to finding happiness elsewhere.  And when you find people that are constantly berating, belittling and negatively impacting you - you will likely find people doing the same damn things to themselves.
And they're not the only ones.
Someone is doing it to them, too.

What goes around comes around, right?  But who's to say who deserves what and when and why?  It's all about perception and I am realizing, more and more, that it's not mine that matters.
And the only way I can find peace is by accepting that, tying that one up for myself and letting the other loose ends fly in His breeze because I cannot control what I did not create.

This entry is not a message.
And if it were, it is not cryptic.
It is just another of my "deep thoughts" that rolls around in my head for a while before a full entry forms.
It's about family, friends, other friends, some gossip I picked up today, something I read this afternoon and something I saw.  Nothing is related to anything other than me, my life and my experiences.

Sometimes I obsess over things.  (no, really!)  And then.  poof!  It's gone.  And I realize that I am still here.  I am still loved and in love.  I am happy and grateful and blessed.