The Raft

Today I saw something that I was so excited about previously and now feel my heart clenching around fear of... (did that make any sense at all?)
What I saw was a glmipse into the future. A glimpse at what my baby girl will be doing in September, 2009.
Going to school.
Yes, preschool.
Yes, 2 hours a day, twice a week.
But still - everything will change.

Let me back up...
Every first and third Thursday Abby, Wyatt and I go to "Kids of the Kingdom". It is a playgroup that Becky (the Pastor's wife) and I dreamed up and that she does 99% of the work to put together. Abby loves it and it is the only thing we are committed to, ie- we would be missed if (and when) we skip it.
We read stories, sing songs, do a craft and have a snack. It is structured but very fun and Abby absolutely loves it. As soon as we get there she kicks off her shoes and runs right to Becky and asks her what craft we will be doing that day. She really loves the crafty part.
Because my girl is so smart and so social, I know that this is exactly what she will be like when she starts school. And she is so excited to go to school, too, so that makes me excited for her.

Today, at Kids of the Kingdom, the Church's Preschool class joined us. (There is a school and daycare attached to the church.)
The class was all 3 year olds, some close to or just turned 4, but for the most part these kids were Abby's age. Because Abby is a January birthday, she'll be 3 & 1/2 when she starts and she'll go for 2 years.
I don't know if she will go to our church's school. I always assumed she would but as it looms closer the fact that it costs considerably more is more of a factor.
Anyway...

So, the kids all sat together at a big, long table to do a craft - they made beautiful wreaths with paper plates, glue and green Easter grass. Abby was really into it, and I was holding Wyatt so I didn't pay a ton of attention to what I was seeing or what Abby was doing.
But then, after craft, it was snack time.
Abby is so independent... she didn't ask me, wait for me, see what I would do... she just went and sat down at the table and waited for her snack.
She walked over, she climbed up into a chair, she received juice, said thank you, received alphabet cookies, said thank you and proceeded to eat, drink and jump into the 3-year old conversation about who had what letter and how many cookies they each had.
She actually picked up her cookies and said "look, I have 2 T's."
She not only knew, at barely 3 years old, that they were the letter T, she knew she had TWO of them.
Did I not say she was brilliant?!

Anyway...
She was so into it, I was so touched, and terrified, but mostly touched... She is such a big girl now. She uses the potty. She makes up imaginary friends. She says to her baby brother, "Want me to help you with that, Boogs?" She tells me what she wants to wear. She knows the words to a lot, and I mean a LOT, of songs. She sleeps in her big bed. She pouts and gives me attitude when things are not going her way. She says "why" like most people say "uh-huh" or "ok" - constantly. She knows all of her cousins and aunts and uncles and friends' names...
She is getting so big! I remember wearing her in the sling, humming to her while she slept on me, folding laundry and thinking how heavy she was... I had no idea!! And she's still not done growing.

When she starts school, she will really blossom. She will want to do more and more by herself. Her personality - good and bad - will become even stronger. She will have her own ideas, agendas, opinions - more and more and more... it's the beginning of it all. She'll learn peer pressure. She'll repeat jokes and phrases that her friends use. She'll be exposed to things I am trying to protect her from now... she'll be exposed to mean kids, dirty kids, commerical and superficial bullshit.
She'll have to learn that there are not-nice people in the world. She'll learn that some kids have more stuff than her and some don't have as much. She'll hear different languages and see different cultures.
It is all so exciting and fascinating. Her little brain will sop it all up like a dry sponge does water. And then, 2 years later, she'll be packing her little bag up and waiting for the bus...
Good WORD! Don't even get me thinking about that yet!

Sheesh... this was a rambler. Sorry. Here's some pics: