The Raft

I tell my husband everything. Everything. Stuff he wishes he didn't know, I tell him.
Second to that, I tell my sisters everything. The only things I don't tell them is stuff between me and my husband. And, much to my husband's dismay, I sometimes mess that up, too.

So, it confuses me when people are surprised that something they told my sister, I am aware of, or vice versa. We talk almost every day. Sometimes I don't talk to Christine but Deborah just did and she'll tell me what they talked about. And I do the same, in the same situation. Between the 3 of us, we talk every day, just about.

And we talk to my mom a lot. Not as much as we used to, because she's gotten crazier over the years and we've gotten more from each other than we do from her, emotionally, mentally, happily. That's how it should be, right?
But that's not my point. My point is that the 3 sisters and our mom talk all the time.

My brother doesn't phone in much. Because he's a boy? Maybe.
Whatever the reason, when one of us does speak to him, we fill him in.

As I am describing it I am picturing one of those old phone operators and the phone lines lighting up as one calls the other, hangs up and calls the other and the other 2 are already talking and on and on and on... and the operator winds up all tangled in her cords and the phone lines are on fire.

Are we the only family that talks that much? I know my cousins don't talk that much to their parents and I know my uncle has always half admired, half dismissed it. Like, his kids didn't call that much so he thought we were clingy, but he secretly wished he was that close to his kids. And that's just one example, I am sure other people think it's weird, too.

So - back to point #1. I tell my husband everything... and I love that and it's mutual. But, what about people who are divorced? Who do they talk to? And what about the exes who they already told everything to? Were they never 100% invested in the marriage so they never revealed themselves 100% so they aren't concerned about where their secrets will wind up? Or were they completely invested and now they lie awake at night, wondering what happened to the love of their life, the keeper of their secrets? And wonder who the ex-keeper is sharing said secrets with now? Does that school-yard insecurity ever fully go away? Are people out there, putting 10, 20 even 40 years of secret-filled marriages behind them and worrying about where their secrets will go?

I have learned a lot about family dynamics in this past week. I won't air my dirty laundry here but I will share this much -
Family is the most important thing in the world. Because they are the only ones that will always, truly and completely love you.

Some family members don't show that well. They, I can assure you, are more hurt by it than you are. They do love you, they want you to know it, they want you to be happy and live your life to it's fullest potential. But they can't show you that. And that is like a cancer in their hearts. It hurts and they will likely take it to their graves. An early one, maybe because all that pain doesn't make for a long, fulfilling life.

Other family members show it, fully and completely. And you might take those members for granted. You can get so mired in the day to day of life that you forget to call them, you figure they're fine and don't miss it. Or you miss a birthday or a Thank You note, and over time you erode that relationship to where it's still full of love but there' not much more to it. You lose touch with each other as people.

In order for a family to function there needs to be a balance of these 2 types.

You need to be able to feel love and hurt. You need to be able show love and anger. And both need to accepted, returned and forgiven. It's like the cogs and pulleys and levers of life. If one gets stuck, it can really gum up the works.