The Raft

I am obsessed.
It only took a week.
The first day or two is very hard.  NOT eating that candy.  NOT eating those chips.  Eating an APPLE or GRAPEFRUIT instead.  NOT eating after the kids are in bed and my ass is on the couch.  Very, very difficult.
And exercising...  that part is very hard for me.  Because my days are very long and busy and involve little to no sitting down.  I am so tired by the end of the day, working out is completely out of the question.  Wake up super early to go for a run or do some aerobics? 
No.  I am lucky to get up and get the kids out for 8:15 each morning.  No way I can get out before them, actually accomplish something, get back and get the 3 of us out the door for school and whatever errands/activities the day has in store.

But.
I'm doing it.

I am grocery shopping for high fiber, low fat, preservative-free foods.  I am avoiding sweets and eating until I am no longer hungry but not stuffed.  I am getting creative and learning new recipes.  I am using Weight Watchers ideals and ideas with my own twists.
I won't sign up and track and record and be controlled by Weight Watchers.  I resent that, I can't help it.  But the points that the program makes are sensible.


My life is completely revolving around this new routine and that's a good thing.  It's a "lifestyle change", not a "diet".
We joined a health club.  "We" being the 4 of us, we have a family plan that includes all the equipment, the courts, the pool, the classes, the childcare and classes for the kids, as well.
We went this morning and while the kids had a grand old time in the "Youth Activity Center", Jay and I were able to exercise without having to leave one or the other at home or use the kids or the time of day as an excuse.

I had the Stop & Shop trip from hell yesterday.  I was so completely frazzled and on my last nerve by the time I got home that I swore that I would never, ever shop with both kids again.  Not a big shop, anyway - maybe just to Ted's but not a whole week's worth at the S&S.  No way.  I will take one or the other or use Peapod.  Never.  Again.
And when Jay asked me what went so badly, I couldn't really figure it out.
The kids weren't bad.  They were not naughty or rude.  They were really just having a good time.  They're 2 and almost-4. 

They stayed with or at least near me.  They were chasing each other a bit, laughing loudly and while their voices rose a bit too loud a time or two and Wyatt needed to be called back a time or two and I swore the whole store knew both of their names by the time I got through all the aisles, I really couldn't redirect them any more than I did, I couldn't ask them to behave like 24 year olds.  They are 2 and 4 and they were acting like they were 2 and 4.

Normally, I relish that.

On this day, my head was busy with other things, my mood was not the best and the kids were distracting me and I was feeling embarrassed and annoyed.
Why?
Well, I wasn't sure at first.  I figured (and this is probably true) that it was just that kind of day.  I was in a crappy, impatient mood.  It happens.
But then the second part of it comes into play - and this is what this long story is leading up to - there was not a single person in that very crowded grocery store that paused to smile, to give me that eye, that nod of encouragement that moms give moms in public places.
The store was full of grouchy, angry old people.  No one said "excuse me", no one said "I remember those days", not even a simple smile or wink. 
I shop at that grocery store every week.  I know most of the people that work there - at least by face - and I am a friendly, chatty person by nature.  I can drag a smile out of the grumpiest deli counter person and I always make a point of thanking the person that bags my groceries.

I remember laughing at something that Abby said and looking over to the person right next to us in the cracker aisle, looking to share the smile, and she was just scowling. 
Why?  Because my kids were noisy?  Because I laugh at my daughter's precociousness and encourage her independent thought and intelligent wit?  Because while I, of course, wish my son would not crawl like Ana the Anaconda on the floor of Stop & Shop, I understand his 2-year old need to do so and eventually give up trying to keep him clean and prefer to keep him happy and safe rather than stifled and insecure?

I shouldn't say "no one".  One lady laughed at Wyatt for slithering across the back of the store.  She said "he's a boy!  I raised 2!"  That was nice.  It was just too late, I think.

If you're a mom then you know the wink I am referring to.  You know the nod.  It's the telepathic encouragement we give each other when our kids melt down in public places.  It's what helps us as mothers - as women - stay strong and confident.  It's how we support each other's awesomeness as we do the most important, most challenging, most gratifying job on God's great Earth.
It's what we need to remind ourselves and each other of.
 
It's not a competition.  It's not a sprint.  And when you're done, you're never done.
It's a sisterhood, this motherhood gig.
It's a marathon.
And it's a lifelong commitment.  To our children, to each other and to ourselves.